Humor thread - click the smiley face and "thumbs up" for good ones!

[capncarl]

Getting in the last word, literally!

[dbhost]

Hmmm. Would he joke about himself?

[dbhost]

A college buddy of mine gave me a t shirt like this when I divorced my ex wife years ago. This says NOTHING about Debi, I did get a fishing pole for her and she used it too!

[dbhost]

With Christmas coming up, well the company holiday parties and ugly Christmas sweater contests, this is the actual sweater I ordered for this years contest...

[capncarl]

Well, that’s definitely an uggggly sweater. I think I’ve seen that same sweater at Walmart though!

[capncarl]

oh my

[LCHIEN]

I like it but as a moderator its treading dangerously close to socio-economic/political humor, Watch it.

[capncarl]

Sorry, Maybe this will make everyone feel better.

[LCHIEN]

Wait your turn, fat boy!



Anyone else alarmed at how quickly Xmas stuff is going up?

[twistsol]

I have to admit I put up my Christmas lights yesterday because it was 45 degrees and sunny. They won't get turned on until Black Friday. It's unlikely we'll have another Saturday with weather as nice this year. We had a couple of inches of snow for Halloween.

[leehljp]

LOML and a friend were talking about this a few weeks ago. Both of them read or heard somewhere that retail giants/conglomerants have discussed doing away with major Thanksgiving displays and focus, along with another holiday that I don't remember - to focus on the greater sales events over a longer time. It will save them and stores the changing of decorations and the cost of buying them. There will be some acknowledgement of all the holidays, just not as much decorations. Neither LOML's friend or her - liked this idea. Consider it gossip as that is how I took it at the time.

[capncarl]

I guess that major retailers are so into theirselves that they don’t realize customers shop in their stores because of prices, merchandise availability and customer service. Most customers could care less about their silly decorations!

[LCHIEN]

Autocorrect...

[LCHIEN]

sorry...

[capncarl]

How do I know this?

[LCHIEN]

How long did it take you to get that?

[LCHIEN]

Without further ado, here are some MORE little known facts about the man, Chuck Norris:

• Chuck Norris never measures twice. He cuts as many times as he wants.
• Not once, but two times, Chuck Norris accidentally made perfect dovetail joints.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t work off any plans – he is the plan.
• When Chuck Norris made his first cutting board, it was THE first cutting board.
• The compound miter saw was originally designed after Chuck Norris’s karate chop. The drill press was inspired by his spinning back kick.
• Chuck Norris can build log cabins with one hand while he eats his pancakes with the other.
• Did you hear the news? The term lumberjack is being replaced with lumberchuck. Why? Chuck Norris wanted it that way.
• One time Chuck Norris hit his thumb with the hammer. The hammer was sore for 6 weeks.
• Chuck Norris DID put Humpty Dumpty back together again. And it only took one board and a little Elmer’s glue.
• Chuck Norris is the inventor of the wooden pallet. In fact, every wooden pallet is assembled by him. Why else would they be nearly impossible to take apart.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t need a honing stone or grinder. He has his chin.
• It was Chuck Norris who chopped down the Cherry tree. He forced Washington to lie about it and then built a picnic table from the wood.
• Chuck Norris never puts his tools away. He makes his dad do it.
• When Chuck Norris snores, he saws a whole forest. I’m thinking of that night he slept in the Great Plains.
• How much wood could Chuck Norris chuck if Chuck could chuck wood? Answer: He says there is no “if” about it. And, it’s none of your business.

Well, there you have it — more facts about Chuck Norris that you probably did’t know. And if you’re doubting Chuck Norris is a woodworker, then think again. After all, he is Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris can be anything he wants to be.

Feel free to share this with all your friends or someone you think needs a good laugh. But please don’t share it with Chuck Norris.

[LCHIEN]

How many woodworking tools do you need?

[capncarl]

I’m doin this, maybe leaving the dog in the car in Walmart parking lot!

[LCHIEN]

Another one