Years ago I subscribed to a daily (the SF Chronicle) and did enjoy it. When I moved south to Silicon Valley, I lost interest. The SJ Merc years ago had some interesting things once in a while but not enough to justify the effort to recycle it on a daily basis. A friend sent me the "headlines" listed below and it dawned on me that the problem is the newspapers need to reinvent themselves as COMICS! As someone once said, "Read it and weep"! (The really funny part is I was taught that a free press is an important part of democracy.) (Apologies to those who have already read these...please renew your subscription today.)
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?



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