Another woodworker secums to divorce

[Scottydont]

It is with great sadness that I share with many good friends here that my wife informed me that she wants to divorce. She is resolute in her decision. It seems like a 46 year old womans mid-life crisis IMHO. I am the most concerned about our two kids (16 mo. and 8 years.) As you can imagine I have been in shock the last week. Now that the swelling in my head has gone down I can begin to think much more clearly. There is no way that I can keep our house and I will be downsizing. I have been un-married once before so it ain't my first rodeo. My priority is taking care of my kids.

I have worked very hard in the last 5 years putting together my shop and I am going to try keeping as much of it as I can but it will depend on what I get muster for living space with some storage. Hopefully a Townhouse with a garage. Maybe even a manufactured home with a detached shop?

In any case I will likely have some stuff to post for sale. There will probably be more (I am thinking out loud here.) Right now it will likely be my Jet 1200 dust collector, my Jet AFS1000 overhead collector/filter, Dewalt 733 planer, Jet 1014VS lathe, Jet rolling lathe stand, misc gouges etc., 2 bowl size maple burls, 500 misc pen blanks, 100-200 pen kits, about 150bf of S4S walnut, 50BF lacewood, and misc hardwood.

I will be taking pics and posting the items on a webpage in the next 30 days and I will let you all know in the members classifieds. If any of you are chomping at the bit looking for any of these items feel free to email me.

[DUD]

Scott

I have never been to that kind of rodeo, but both My Children have, I know it's a rough time. Be good to those kids as it's not their fault that there world is getting topsy turvy. Bill

[LCHIEN]

sorry to hear that scotty, heck, I'd feel bad for taking your tools, even for a fair price, given the circumstances.

[footprintsinconc]

scott,

i am so sorry to hear this. i was just showing your website to my wife a couple of weeks ago with the shop pictures and all. i cant imagine how difficult it must be right now for you.

we are here for you, so if you need any sort of help, let us know.

edit: just an idea, cant you just store your stuff in a garage or something rather than selling off everything that took so much time to acquire?

[Jeffrey Schronce]

That really sucks when both parties aren't in agreement with the divorce. Sorry to hear about that. Been to that rodeo twice and both times walked away empty handed. Luckily I didn't own anything of real value.

Being the sicko that I am, a lot of my social friends are lawyers, with one being a family law specialist known throughout PA. Take what you think is reasonable custody, twist it way out of shape then start from there. Sad but true. Forget assets division, property resolutions, retirement issues (if any) and focus 100% of your energy on the custody issue. Do NOT settle for less than 50%, particularly 49% which is a little trick that they play. You do NOT want minority custody under any circumstance. Your rights as a father are flapping in the wind with anything less than 50% custody. This of course will be hard to get with a 18 mo old in the mix as most states severely prejudice in favor of women. Remember, she is the one leaving and the ball is in your court (assuming she doesn't have killer ammo against you ie abuse, drugs, adultery, etc).

That being said, why not hold on to the lathe and turning stuff? In a townhouse situation neighbors are much more likely to tolerate the gentle sounds of turning versus TS, etc.

[Whaler]

Not a fun thing to go through. I wish you my best.

[JR]

What a bummer, Scott, particularly with all you went through with the new baby.

Jeffrey's advice on both issues seems pretty sound. Fathers have no rights they don't fight for.

Good luck,
JR

[Uncle Cracker]

Man, that just sucks... Keep your chin up try to stay noble, rather than sinking into some kind of catfight. Focus on your kids and their well-being.

A couple thoughts: I would suggest not doing anything that can't be undone, either, as women in that age bracket are often prone to extremely severe mood swings. She might wake up next month and decide she made a heckuva mistake. And liquidating your tools for cash will make it easier and more attractive for her to grab her half. Maybe rent storage for a couple months until you see how this plays out.

Best of luck to you. It will turn out all right. You have friends here.

[Ed62]

Sorry to hear about that, Scotty. It sounds like you have your priorities straight by taking care of the kids. Hopefully you'll be able to find a place big enough that you can keep most of your stuff.

Ed

[charliex]

Sorry to hear that news Scotty. What cracker said. 2 angry people in divorce are what makes lawyers rich.
Chas

[Rounder]

Before jumping on whether fathers have rights or not, you have to determine what laws govern your state. The "tender years doctrine" does not necessarily apply in all states.

Almost all states follow some form of shared parental responsibility. Granted the mother generally will have primary, but rotating custody is gaining popularity.

Finally, don't get rid of your stuff unless you need it for bills. If you start selling it off now, it is still material property and she can claim your selling off assests.

Just my two cents worth.

[Jeffrey Schronce]

Before jumping on whether fathers have rights or not, you have to determine what laws govern your state. The "tender years doctrine" does not necessarily apply in all states.

Almost all states follow some form of shared parental responsibility. Granted the mother generally will have primary, but rotating custody is gaining popularity.

Finally, don't get rid of your stuff unless you need it for bills. If you start selling it off now, it is still material property and she can claim your selling off assests.

Just my two cents worth.

There is the letter of the law and the spirit of the law. Unfortunately even in states that have pro fathers rights it is all dependent upon one single judge and his/her singular opinion on the matter at hand. There is nothing more important that obtaining 50% or greater custody. Failure to do so results in relinquishing a ton of rights. Also, as soon as the households become two you need to demand and obtain immediate 50/50 until the final resolution is obtained. Courts love to state status quo and if they child has been with Mom for the last six months because she is a stay at home Mom, etc then the court order of custody will substantially favor the mother. This is where a lot of men get screwed, particularly with infants, as mothers can refuse to pump and bottle milk for the child and you can’t produce it!

I agree that I would not start unloading stuff until it has moved further along. However, that has nothing to do with property settlement rather the fact of possible reconciliation as stated by UC.

[Jaden]

When I first started to read your post I was hoping that it was a bit of dark humor, unfortunatly that turned out not to be the case. I am so sorry for you and your family at this time, and hope for a resolution of the best possible outcome, for your entire family.

I also agree that, if possible, that you should hold onto your tools until you absolutly have to part with them. You never know what may transpire.

[Scottydont]

Thanks for the support everyone, that means a lot. I forgot to mention that there we have no contempt for each other (I know that sounds strange) and we have talked at length about this. FYI she has been divorced before too. We manage to laugh about both of us having gone the angry route. I agree it benefits no one but the lawyers. I have no problem slicing the pie for the benefit of my kids but not for the lawyers! We have committed to being civil, outlining the terms ourselves and have them reviewed by the court. As much of a DIY divorce as we can handle. In Washington State, it is pretty easy to do as long as both parties are in agreement and the children are not at risk. As far as child custody she will be the primary guardian and I will have liberal visitation rights. I travel for my job and I don't want to make it a big custody battle. Washington is not friendly for fathers with stay at home moms and the husband has been a problem.

I think Uncle Cracker made a good suggestion of just putting the tools in storage until some time passes.

At any rate in sure as **** will be hard but it could be a lot worse.

[Turaj]

Scott, sorry to hear the bad news but I see that you guys have it right trying to make it as civil as possible. Wish you all the best in this hard time.