Tell Your Cornball Joke (Your Worst)

[JeffG78]

Three potatoes standing on the corner. Which one's the prostitute?
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The one marked Idaho

[eccentrictinkerer]

Sven walked in the lumberyard office and says, "We need some four by twices."

The clerk replies, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

Sven says, "Yah sure, I meant two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

Sven replied, "Quite a while. I'm building a barn, ya know".

[eccentrictinkerer]

Olaf died in a fire and his body was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to I.D. the body.

So they called up his two friends, Sven and Lars, to come and try to I.D. the body. Sven went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet, and Sven said "Yah, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over."

So the mortician rolled him over, and Sven looked at his butt and said "No, dat ain't Olaf." The mortician didn't say anything, but thought that was kind of strange. Then he brought in Lars to I.D. the body, and Lars looked at him and said "Yah, he's burnt real bad; roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over, and Lars looked down at his butt and said "No, dat ain't Olaf." The mortician said "How can you tell?"

Lars said "Well, Olaf had two a$$holes." "What? He had two a$$holes?!" said the mortician. "Yah, everyone in town knew he had two a$$holes.

"Every time the three of us went into Lena's Cafe, everyone would say "Here comes Olaf with them two a$$holes!"

[poolhound]

A 3 part ensemble.......


why do elephants paint their toe nails red?











































So they can hide up in cherry trees!

Why do all the animals leave the jungle at 5pm?
































Thats when the elephants jump down from the cherry trees!

Why do Cobras have flat heads?































Because they didnt get out of the jungle at 5pm!!

[Hoakie]

One my son made up

What did one Mountain say to the other Mountain after an earthquake?
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It wasn't my fault!!

[RayintheUK]

A couple have an inflatable child. They send him to an ordinary school, but he doesn't fit in - all the other children ostracise him. They search and search and eventually find an inflatable school. The building is inflatable, the staff are all inflatable and all the pupils are inflatable. Trouble is, the new arrival joins in mid-term, so he's the odd one out, yet again.

One morning in math, he becomes so frustrated that he taskes a pair of compasses and begins stabbing at the walls. He then stabs himself. The teacher approaches him, so he stabs her too. She takes him to the Headmaster's office, where he lunges at the Headmaaster and manages to stab him once before the compasses are taken from him.

"Now look," says the Headmaster, "this behaviour has just GOT to stop. Can't you see what you're doing? .......................




































You've let me down, you've let the staff down, you've let the school down and you've let yourself down!"

[Anna]

Mom: "Johnny, time to get up and get ready for school!"

Johnny, covering himself with the blanket: "But I don't want to go to school!"

Mom: "We've been through this before! Get up!"

Johnny: "But I hate school! The kids hate me, the teachers hate me, even the janitors hate me!"

Mom: "I told you not to listen to what other people say about you! You're a wonderful and intelligent kid, and you should be proud of yourself! Besides, you're the principal! Now get up and go to school!"

[scmhogg]

A horse walks into a bar an sits down. The bar tender says,"
























Why the long face?

[unclecritic]

Mom got so fed up with little johhny running around the house that she told him to go see how the house under construction was going.

Little johhny came home just before dinner and sat at the table. Dad asked little johhny what he learned today. Johnny said that he learned that in order to hang a door, you have to "you have to put the **** thing up, find out the **** thing isnt square, tear the door back out, go find that f***ing a$$hole builder and ride his a$$ for not making the opening f***ing square, tell him you gonna do it your **** self so you know the job is done f***ing right... And then you have to find the lazy p.o.s f***ing plumber to find out why there isnt any water coming out of the **** faucets... and then you have to find the **** painter to find out why the b**tard spilled f***ing paint all over the new f***ing floor..."

Dad looks at little johnny and say "that not the words little boys should be talking, especially in front of there mother at the dinner table. Now johnny, after dinner, I want you to go out back and get me a switch cuz your going to get a lickin'"

"A SWITCH?!" little johhny asked. "**** NO... THATS THE F***ING ELECTRICIANS JOB!!!"

[KenBurris]

This was true when I was young

What has one horn and gives milk?
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A Milk Truck

(I told this joke live on national radio on the Don McNeil Breakfast Club while on vacation in Chicago when I was 5 or 6 - and then got to "lead" his band onstage. )

[annunaki]

Two Cannibals

Two Cannibals cook and eat a Clown.
Afterwards one turns to the other and asks-
"Did that taste funny to you"?

[eccentrictinkerer]

Why do cannibals refuse to eat divorcee's?

They're too bitter!

[cabinetman]

Last summer it was so hot, that when my dogs chased each other...they walked.
.

[Tom Slick]

A rope walks into a bar, immediately the bartender exclaims "We don't serve your kind here!" and kicks the rope out.
the rope then ties himself into a knot and frays himself.
he walks back into the same bar, the bartender says "Weren't you just in here and didn't I just tell you to get out?"

and the rope says...

























"I'm afraid not"





(frayed knot..hehehe..get it?)

[Anna]

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head...

The bartender says "What can I get you?"

And the duck says "Nothing, just get this lawyer off my ass."