Woodworking and trauma induced brain fog. A warning.

[dbhost]

Usually, I have found woodworking to be very therapuetic. However with the loss of my wife this week, I am finding the idea not only not therapuetic, but DANGEROUS.

I am on the middle / younger side age wise of this crowd, and my wifes departure was wholly unexpected, and honestly just wrong. Just a freak thing in life. But I have talked to older relatives and they tell me they experienced the same thing, and nobody warned them ahead of time, so I am warning you. Whether you have been married 50 years, or not yet there, if life, the universe, God whatever decides to take your spouse from you, there is something to watch for. And it doesn't hit everyone, but it hits most...

It's called "widow brain" so much for gender equality but there it is, and it is a specific kind of brain fog that is very abnormal.

It comes and goes in waves, and you can't tell when it is going to hit you.
You easily lose track of your train of thought when you are speaking to somone, you literally lose what you are saying mid sentence.
You hear, but don't comprehend what is being said. It is like listening to adults in Peanuts cartoons...
You can literally forget what you were doing while you are doing it.

The last point is where the danger comes in. Going room to room to pick things up is one thing, going into the workshop and operating a power saw is a totally different ball of wax.

Can you imagine pushing the board through and forgetting to switch over to the push block in time?

So my encouragement is even if you think it might help you out, the risks are too great. Wait until the fog clears.

That way your neices and nephews won't have to call you uncle stumpy.

[Jim Frye]

At 75, I get the "fog" every now and then when I'm doing something. It's very short term, just seconds, and my focus returns. I don't know what causes it. The distraction seems to come from nowhere and disappears just as quickly. If it occurs in the shop when I'm using tools, I stop and take a break away from the task at hand. If it occurs with a power tool or during setup of said tool, I leave the shop. The break in concentration scares the stuffing out of me. I've stopped turning the radio on in the shop lately.

[cwsmith]

Dave,

I don't know you personally so it would be impossible to offer you definitive advice. Our condolances's probably don't do much for you beyond you're knowing that you have friends and acquaitances who feel for your loss. You're probably still in shock, living this tragic event. Unless we've been there ourselves recently, it's hard to fathom. This effects a person not only mentally, but physically too and also, right down to your soul. Like shell shock or being hit with any major disaster, it will take time to recover to anything looking like normalcy and where you can fully focus on the intricacies of daily life.

I'd suggest staying away from the power tool for awhile, and just look to other things that won't add to your frustrations. Life can be bitter at times and it takes a strong person to rebuild yourself. Be strong, talk to friends and family in an effort to distract from these past days. Not to forget, for I know you have tremedous love and feelings, but at this moment you need to stabilize and be safe for yourself and your family and certainly for your wife.

I'm not a church-going person, but I do believe in prayer and the peacefulness of God's guidance in my life. Life is hard and it can be cruel, and I have no idea of why things happen the way they do. I just know that it's up to each of us to be strong for those around us and for ourselves.

Regarding, what I call brain fog, that's all part of the shock you have received. Your loss is undoubtedly the greatest shock a human can receive, the loss of your dearest loved one. Recovery takes some time and it is never fully or complete, for you have memories and compassion. I had kidney surgury back in February, a few days in the hospital and seemingly a good amount of anti-biotics and other medicines. Although I think I've returned physically, my mental state has not. Foggy, loss of concentration, and the inability to focus at times.

That, was nothing compared to what you just suffered. So please, take your time, be safe, and understand, that for the moment, stay away from things that require your concentration on safety precautions.

CWS

[dbhost]

Thanks and yes, I am involved in my local church, and they are really stepping up to the plate!

I wanted to warn folks about this though. Even at the hospital nobody said anything about this, and my disorientation was truly frightening like maybe I needed to go the ER, and I didn't have her to help me there. Like maybe early onset dementia, or even possibly a stroke... Stress can do that.

FWIW, I have picked up my bass, and played, some, and lose my place, put it back down and do something else. All I can do right now.

[LCHIEN]

Music is probably better than woodworking at this point.
Take care!

[dbhost]

You betcha!

[leehljp]

Everyone is different in what helps, but most are the same in the need for support and help. The most difficult adjustments is situations like yours, especially when it is not expected or even on the radar. My wife and I both are in fairly good health for 75 years old, but for either of us to go suddenly, it would not be like it has been with your case. Accidents take the lives of people of all ages and it hurts, but we all know that unexpected accidents happen, and live with that idea in the subconsciousness of our mind. But sudden illnesses out of the blue are often the hardest to deal with - in my experience as a minister.

Shock does what you mentioned and you are not alone in your experience of this "fog". I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist. But I am often around people that experience hurts in many different areas of life.

Praying for you.

[nicer20]

Very sorry to hear and heartfelt condolences.

Take care and praying for you.

[dbhost]

Thanks. I am doing better, one week in, hardly anything I would call good, acceptable or even truly functional, but at least I can say better. I have had some time to process this. I am not sure the stages of grief make sense right now, because I have had all except for acceptance. The denial was interesting as I laid in bed yesterday up waking up literally telling myself it is just an awful dream. OH how I wish it was. The anger part is there too. Angry at God for taking her from me, Angry at her for leaving me suddenly, angry at myself for maybe not seeing something she didn't tell me that could have saved her life.

My church is providing meals, which has been great, keeps me from having to do too much kitchen clean up which I honestly do NOT have time for. I am 3D printing a special funeral vase for her plot. Really more of a planter, But the cemetery does not allow planters / flower pots that do not have lawn stakes. So I whipped up a design, borrowed really, for a 6" twisted hexagon planter, that I added screw holes, and drain holes to, print those out, then 3D print some stakes with some holes with thick sidewalls I can tap to 1/4 - 20 for the attachment. Use SS hardware and the lawn police will be happy. I want to be able to keep up our tradition of her having her favorite live flowers. She never would let me buy her cut flowers.

Going nuts in that I still haven't gotten the call to schedule the meeting with the funeral director. They were supposed to pick her up from the autopsy today. I kind of don't want to know...

We aren't twenty somethings by any means, we were both in our early 50s, so this happening when we figured we would have at least 25, maybe 30 good years left in us is a real kick in the shorts.

This sucks, this sucks at this stage of life in particular, although there are reasons at other stages of life it would suck bad too...

We were, for the most part inseparable, I mean seriously, I know I fussed about her bombing the shop with junk, but she also was right there with me cleaning it up. She was my shop helper, She would do the stuff low down my back won't let me.



Boy I needed to remember to keep the selfie stick in the car!