Feeling old today

[twistsol]

Over the past month, dropped my twins off at college in Sioux City, Iowa and Duluth, MN so the house went from teenage hub to empty. Had my 30th HS class reunion, my father in law moved into assisted living and we're getting his house ready to sell, and my parents wanted everyone to come down and take what they want because they don't want to maintain a house anymore.

Too much change in too little time.

</>pity party off</>

[leehljp]

The next step in feeling old is the little things in the way of aches and pains in the body.

We have three girls, 10 years between the oldest and youngest and the middle one 4 years behind the oldest. It was gradual for us. I have seen the shock in parents faces from going from a "full house" to an empty nest. Not easy!

One thing we noted at our youngest going off to college - we took her to her school as we were "home" from Japan. We went to a meeting hosted for the entering students and their parents. I was shocked and amazed at the parents sadness of their kids moving off for a distance of 50 to 200 miles or so, and here we were leaving our kid for 7000 miles.

Still, change is not easy when it comes to family.

[vaking]

We have 1 son and he is a grown up. He moved out of our house 3 times. First time - when he went to college. That did not work out - he did not like it there. After a year he came back home and transferred to college in our town. He wanted to work and study, so for few years he lived with us, worked full time and was going to college in the evenings. Closer to graduation he decided to move out from us. He rented an apartment with the roommate. That also did not work out - roommate turned out very messy and unreliable fellow. Partnership ended, his finances were too tight to go alone and he came back again. After he finished college - he decided to try again. By that time he already had his degree and few years experience (working full time and going to college in the evenings paid off). He finally got a good job, interesting and well paying, rented his own apartment in Manhattan and lives there. During Sandi our house had no power and my wife and I had to take shelter at his place. Now there are 2 people already living in that apartment - he got himself a girlfriend. For the past year - my wife and I have been empty-nesters. The house is too big for the 2 of us (it is a 4-bedroom) but we love the town and so far we are keeping the house. We are gradually bringing the house in order, room by room. The times when I miss my son the most - when we need to carry some really heavy stuff. My son is a lot better at it than my wife.

[LCHIEN]

ah I feel for you having twins and going from 2 to zero in one step is really extreme empty nesting.
One of the nice things when our son went off to school was one pair of the parents had a empty nest party for the parents of the friends of their kids (actually twins). Shared a bit of the emotional shock...

you'll get used to it but you'll keep missing the kids.

We called our kids maybe once a week. A good friend of ours we actually met as parents of our friends' kids talk to their kids once a day. Not passing judgement but is that too frequent?

[russde]

Not too frequent...I think.
My oldest is away at college and I typically converse (at least text) every day, not long conversations, just a simple 'how are things?' Enough to show that I am concerned and interested, but not enough to qualify as a 'helicopter parent'.
Once she is graduated, employed, and 'independent' I would expect the daily stuff to drop off to every couple of days/once a week, but you never know. I text my mom (79 yo) every day as she is far away and it allows me to know she is ok, those are usually very simple 'today's plans' or dinner plans or even weather expectations.
Best,
Russ

[Pappy]

you'll get used to it but you'll keep missing tyhe kids.

We're supposed to miss them????????

[JimD]

Well I get to do this twice. My two kids with my late wife finished college (graduated) in 2007. My daughter is working full time but also started graduate school this fall (she and her husband are paying). I remarried in March and got two new lovely daughters. One is in her second year of college and the other is still with us but is a senior in high school. So about this time next year, I get to be an empty nester for a second time - but my wife's first. I like having kids around but I do not always miss the drama of school, and friends, and dating, and cars and..... So I get to do it over again for a year + at a reduced level for at least 4 more + possibly some after.

My son was fired from his second job after college 4 days before his mother died. So after her death he moved back in for more than a year until he got things sorted out. I helped him buy a house in 2011 and he has been continuously employed since about 2010 so he is fine. Daugher married in 2011. Father and father in law died. So lots of changes but spread out over 4 years. By far biggest are late wife's death followed by remarriage and those changes (4+ years later).

With regards to your parents wanting stuff to go I can sympathize. We are still trying to get down to a reasonable level of "stuff". If I had divorced, my pile of stuff would have gone down. But Jan died so I got all that "stuff" (except for a little the kids wanted which they were welcome to have). When Tammy moved in, there was literally no room for her stuff. So lots of mine (she would say a little of mine) went somewhere - kids or donated - but the pile is still too large for even my 5br house to handle. So we're still working on it. Not the words biggest problem but still a source of frustration. What to keep, what to give kids, what to donate.

I was down to just me in the house for a couple years. I got to where I didn't hate it and sometimes even enjoyed not having demands on my time from others. I also had about 18 months with just my late wife and I in the house. I liked that but I agree it was a change. Much quieter. I teach SS and our last lesson series was from Ecceliastes. God through Solomon tells us to enjoy each phase of our lives. It's natural to want things to stay the same but they won't and we have to move on. Not always easy but necessary.

Jim

[toolguy1000]

nothing fills up a house more than children.

noting leaves an emptier feeling than when they move away to start their own adult lives.

i always tell people, that i'd give up all my tomorrows right now to live the first ten years of my sons' lives over again. it went by way too fast and, like most of us, i was too busy (and too stupid) to realize what i was wasting.

[TB Roye]

It gest better. We have 5 grandkids who know this house better than we do. The nice thing in they go home and it is quiet again which as you get older is nice. I was involved in my kids activities when they were young now it nice just sitting watching the Grandkids do theirs.

[gsmittle]

When both my boys left for college, not only did it get MUCH quieter, there was suddenly food in the refrigerator. It's been two year now with both of them gone, and we still buy too much food.

g.