texting etiquette

[herb fellows]

A question about texting etiquette. I had a friend visit from China. We went out to a museum, walked a bit in Manhattan, then went to a couple of art galleries.

Every 5 minutes she was either sending or receiving a text!
I was livid!

When I told her that I considered that extremely rude, she said that it was rude not to answer a text right away.

Now, I'm 61, she's 35. I don't believe this is a generational thing or a 'she's from China' thing.

When you are with someone, you are supposed to be with them. Texting constantly tells the person you are with that they are less important than any text they might receive.At least, that's the way I was brought up. IMHO, that thing should be shut off. If she wants to check it once an hour or so, that's fine, but every 5 minutes?
I'd like to hear from anyone, but particularly any younger folks here (say, under 40?).
If I'm wrong, please tell me, I'm willing to learn.

[Tom Slick]

It's a generational thing but it doesn't make it right. I'm slightly younger than she is and I also find it rude. I also find it rude to take non-important phone calls when I am talking to someone in person.

Keep in mind that younger generations are accustomed to things being instant and texting has taken over chatting on the phone. Imagine (if you were younger) if your buddies were calling you constantly. remember how chatty girls are by nature.

[BadeMillsap]

and I feel the same way about ...

CALL WAITING ... if I am speaking to someone and they get a :beep' telling them they have another call could I hold ... nope ... when they finally get back to me they will find me long gone ... clearly they found someone more important than me to talk to ... when they find the time they are welcome to call me back ... if the phone is busy I'm talking to someone ... if it's not and I'm available I'll talk to them and then when our conversation is over ... I'll be available to speak to someone else ... not before.

[Kristofor]

It's very generational.

Over 40, it will seem rude to 90% of the people. Under 25 it will be fine for 90% of the people.

I'm in between and it bugs me, but I am fine ignoring a ringing phone if I'm working on something, and waiting to reply to email a every few hours not every few minutes while working.

I will however check messages flagged as high priority on my PC or phone right away when working or on call (some of our systems are $1000+/minute for downtime).

[crokett]

CALL WAITING ... if I am speaking to someone and they get a :beep' telling them they have another call could I hold ... nope ... when they finally get back to me they will find me long gone

For me it depends on the circumstances on whether I will jump to the other call. Did you call me or did I call you? Are you a long lost buddy I haven't seen in a few years or are we just chatting about the weather? If I call you you I am a lot less likely to ask you to hold than if you called me. After all, for all you know I am expecting a call and you happened to call before that one.

[Bill in Buena Park]

Another vote for "rude" on the texting interfering with conversations. Any allowance for continual interruptions is unwelcome to me - says my time is not valued. I'll usually just excuse myself with a "Maybe we can chat when you're not so busy and can make some time."

[leehljp]

I consider it rude also. I recently had a co-worker about half my age come for a 3 day visit. He chided me for being out of touch and how I should get into "texting", since I am generally known as the first one to try something new.

I told him it didn't make sense to me, as talking was a lot faster and clearer than a text message of three words, or one or two short sentences every few minutes. We argued over this for a day and then we went out to an amusement park, (his reason for coming.) Every time he got a text message, we had to stop for one to two minutes for him to read and text back. Finally, I just continued to walk the next couple of times he stopped for TM. He got irritated at me and I told him he was rude to make me stop when he wanted to text message for one to two minutes. I also told him if it was important he could talk a lot faster than he was texting, and at least do it while walking.

Texting is OK if it takes in the consideration of others. I use the silent mode on my cell phone routinely when I am with others.

Rude, and VERY self centered!

[LCHIEN]

Like phones, we have this culture that seems to demand a ringing phone be answered and text msgs be answered.

Unless you are expecting an important and time-critical message, when holding a conversation with a friend, business acquaintance, family member, client, I think it best to not answer the phone although its hard not to. The person in your immediate physical presence trumps all - he has your attention first.

If you are checking for important messages (e.g. you are on call) then you should explain and apologize early as to your needs, e.g. I'm on call or I need this answer right away for work...

all our cell phones have voice mail and the text messages can wait.

The thing I hate most - when I'm being served at the store after having stood in line for a long time and the store phone rings and they go and take care of that business first. They should say I'm serving customers in line first, I'll have to put you on hold...

[BobSch]

I'm reminded of the teenage girl who fell in an open manhole recently. She was texting and walking at the same time. Maybe what we need are portable manholes to slip in front of those rude people.

(Only half joking.)

[pelligrini]

I do consider it rude. Texts and emails are lowest in the heirarchy.

I told him it didn't make sense to me, as talking was a lot faster and clearer than a text message of three words, or one or two short sentences every few minutes.

Not always faster, there are a few people I try not to have phone conversations with. They can turn a simple one sentence question or reply into a half hour ordeal, usually stating the same idea several times.

[dbhost]

I guess I'm a geezer then. I don't do texting. It is a VERY inefficient means of communication, and is quite costly.

Having said that, I have a habit of turning my ring tone to silent mode when I have company, or am engaged in more than a passing conversation with my wife. The technological distractions are very rude. I know the kiddos don't think so, but that is because many of the boomers, and my fellow gen -X that became parents did a LOUSY job of teaching their kids... We have the kids that we raised. Rude, lazy, and ignorant. And no it's not an American thing... The Canadians and Mexicans are just as bad... (Been to both places, seen similar behavior).

[JR]

I agree it's mostly a difference in view between the generations. However, I have done a fair bit of business in China, and have been amazed that in a very small meeting - four or five people - the principal on the other side of the table, with whom I am engaged in direct conversation, will take a phone call without so much as a fare thee well.

JR

[TB Roye]

I am 67, I find it very rude for people to be texting or on the phone when I am with them. What reallys get me is the people shopping and getting instruction while on the phone, same with the check out line, writing the check while on the phone or texting. I have tried texting and my thumbs don't work fast enough to do. Texting an Carpel Tunnel don't go together. I do find it to be a generational thing and find the younger generation to be rude in general, it is the me, me, me mind set so many of the seem to have.

Tom

[cabinetman]

Calling it a "generational thing" is finding an excuse. It's just plain rude and impolite at any age.
.

[OpaDC]

I do consider it rude. Texts and emails are lowest in the heirarchy.

Not always faster, there are a few people I try not to have phone conversations with. They can turn a simple one sentence question or reply into a half hour ordeal, usually stating the same idea several times.

Why were you on the phone with my Mother???

To me the whole thing is about manners, plain and simple. Remember the ME Generation, 1980's? (Yes, I know, my parents said us boomers were rude too.) LOML been teaching over 30 years and says manners getting worse and worse. There is your starting point!!!