Apology Posted On Craigs List

[cabinetman]

Sent to me by a friend in email.
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Posted to Craig's List Personals

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in
Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-23, 3:43 AM EST

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I
hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after
you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.

You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911
.45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder
holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at
your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun
walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge
flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you
also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I
couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try
to mug us again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma"
as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your
situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas
station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy
with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go
Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet.
I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the
windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a
bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. They'll be 20 on your
bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down
the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so
I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't
permanently cut off your service.

I could only get in two threatening
phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy
was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).
I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead
making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll
reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky..
- Alan
.

[BobSch]

Too bad it can't be real. Just too good to be true. Although one could argue that, if true, the writer was just a much a thief as the guy with the knife.

[LCHIEN]

somebody's fantasy.

[cabinetman]

somebody's fantasy.

Maybe Bruce...whatcha think?
.

[Richard in Smithville]

Funny though

[jon_ramp]

I enjoyed reading that as much as "The Armed Citizen". It the first column I turn to when my American Rifleman magazine arrives.

[Bruce Cohen]

No way Cab.

First: They don't let us Yankees into Georgia

Secondly: If I draw down on someone, he/she a) doesn't walk away, I do the "double tap" boogie
b) I don't talk about it
c): I only carry full sized.

Nuff said, Also I resemble that remark.

Bruce

[Bob Crosley]

This one has appeared all over the place, often attributed to different parts of the country. I'm voting fake because the location keeps getting changed to be relevant to the person sending it.

And if this did actually happen, the 'citizen' is going to jail for armed robbery. It's a nice fantasy, but I don' think it happened.

[BobSch]

Snopes has it as "undetermined" and shows it in at least eight cities, including Glasgow, Scotland (Didn't know Scots could carry pistols.)

http://www.snopes.com/crime/justice/mugger.asp

[Uncle Cracker]

I did pop out of my front door a few years ago and put my .357 between a prowler's eyes... He dropped like he'd been KO'd and he actually did crap his drawers... I sat on his back until the cops arrived, with the muzzle pressed against the back of his head. He hyperventilated the whole time, but did not otherwise move a muscle. Very effective...

[LCHIEN]

thes kinds of stories (and UC's, too) make you feel good for the good guys but in the back of my mind there's this nagging suspicion that 1 in 5 bad guys may decide to retire and one or two more will recover and go on pulling knives on you, but there'll be a couple who learned their lesson so well that they'll go out and get a piece so that next time they'll shoot first and then ask for your wallet.

[Uncle Cracker]

Mine was apparently a serial peeper. With that kind of psyche, he probably wasn't done after our little encounter. But it's probable he moved on to a locale where the residents were a little less, uh... hostile...

[Woody]

That is funny!

[chopnhack]

how do you carry full size Bruce? isnt it a bit uncomfortable?

No way Cab.

First: They don't let us Yankees into Georgia

Secondly: If I draw down on someone, he/she a) doesn't walk away, I do the "double tap" boogie
b) I don't talk about it
c): I only carry full sized.

Nuff said, Also I resemble that remark.

Bruce

[Tamarack]

Violent crimes are down significantly nationwide since concealed weapon carry permits were de-politicized in at least 31 states, you no longer must be a friend of the issuing official to get one. Many of the would-be robbers have changed their ways.

Paul