There's always room

[Ed62]

First of all, I know someone can try to make this a political or religious issue. Please don't do that. It's something I want to share with you.

Some of you know we have a daughter who cannot conceive. She and her husband have an adopted daughter who will be three years old in May. She's a typical two year old. But we love her anyhow. In about two weeks, she'll be a big sister! The birth father has already signed papers for adoption. The mother will have the option to back out until after the baby is born. But it seems that's very unlikely to happen.

The new addition to our family is a little girl, and there will be no longing for love for her.

Ed

[BerniePA]

Let me be the first to congratulate you on your addition to your family. I know she will be well loved.

P.S. I was adopted, but did not know it until I was 50.

[crokett]

You won't get any complaints from me. My parents adopted 6 kids. I am not one of them though.

[DUD]

I always told My Children and Grandchildren that I couldn't Love them anymore if They

were mine. Bill

[ironhat]

Congratulations!! I have to say that I think that your daughter and son-in-law have huge heart and an uncommon capacity for love. I see people in church who are wonderful folks, in the same situation as your daughter but will not adopt. They can't explain it, they say, but it doesn't 'feel right' for them. This is not a condemnation of them but rather a commendation of your family. Kudos go along with the congratulations!!

Love and blessings to all!!

[Richard in Smithville]

I have been trying to think of something really special to say but I'm at a loss, so I will just offer congrats to all.

[Ed62]

P.S. I was adopted, but did not know it until I was 50.

Since you've lived it, I'd be interested in knowing at what age, in your opinion, they should be told, if at all.

Ed

[gerti]

Congratulations! Biology is not a necessary component to being a good parent.

[jackellis]

My brother left behind two young men that he raised from the time they were about 7 years old. He never adopted them and it never mattered. To this day they are closer to their dad than to their mother, who is still alive. Blood relative or not, I consider them to be my nephews.

The legalities are not unimportant, but they're also not the most important thing.

Congratulations.

[Uncle Cracker]

Congrats! I myself was once put up for adoption. I was in my middle 20's. No takers though, despite my being cute as heck...

[radhak]

Since you've lived it, I'd be interested in knowing at what age, in your opinion, they should be told, if at all.

Ed

Very pertinent question. My nine-year-old is adopted, and we did not tell her till some months ago. I always wanted to but her mom was scared/nervous/whatever. When we did tell her she was heartbroken and cried the night. Since then she does not like to talk about it, and while it seems like she's accepted it, i personally feel she's repressing it.

I feel you should tell them when they start talking, age 2 or three. Not as a big bang announcement, but more as an introduction via photographs (see, that's where we first met you). as they grow older it would become part of the family lore, and they'd not find it out of place.

at the same time we don't like it when somebody else makes a big deal of it, or asks like 'is the other girl your own?'
Both are our own; it's just that older one had different biological parents.

please pass on our congratulations and best wishes to your family. one and one does not make two, they will be a handful !

[bruce hylton]

Children are only 'chosen' through adoption. All are born, a few are 'chosen'.

[430752]

Congrats. My wife and I started to go down that road once. Went through all the medical treatments two or three times, finally got the "life isn't fair, its time to think of adoption" speech from the doc, after a while we started looking into the process. Very, very, very, very hard to come to grips with it for her and to a somewhat lesser extent for me. But, like a genuine miracle, we conceived naturally as we were starting the process. Surprise to the doc too. So, while never gone all the way down that road, I can say that it must have been real hard for them to come to the realization and to go through with it. But they're better off for it and have love to provide. Congrats again for you and for your daughter and SIL.

[pelligrini]

Since you've lived it, I'd be interested in knowing at what age, in your opinion, they should be told, if at all.

Ed

I don't think it should be kept a secret for any amount of time. As far as I can remember I have always known that I was adopted. I've never had any problems with it what-so-ever. I also vaguely remember when my sister was brought to the house when I was 3. If the kids always know, then there's no stigma that they could associate with it. It's just a matter of fact, regular everyday thing.

[TB Roye]

4 members of my family are adopted, 3 cousins and a DIL. The oldest of the 3 cousins could pass for a brother to any of the blood cousins, if saw a picture of all of us you would be hard pressed to pick him out. The 3 cousins are happy healthy adults and succesful in life. I really have to question my DIL's up bringing as she has some issues that I feel are a result of her adoptive parents raising her. I just don't think it was a nurturing environment.
I think people who adopt and raise these children are a special group and deserve the best life has to offer.

Tom