Underage drinking at home

[Alex Franke]

It was never forbidden in my home -- I think when we were teens we could have wine with dinner if we (my brother and I) wanted it, and even hard drinks when traveling to places it was legal. Parents never bought us alcohol, though -- we were drinking theirs when we did -- and it wasn't allowed at parties, either.

We turned out okay... And on my 21st birthday I went for a hike up in Banff rather than drank myself stupid.

Anyone have any thoughts on letting kids drink underage at home?

(I know that discussions of law can sometimes be construed as political, so let's be careful to keep politics out of this thread.)

[pelligrini]

It wasn't forbidden at my house, but there were conditions. "if you want to drink, ask and we'll do it here" I never really did take my folks up on that offer. I drank a few times before my 19th birthday, and quite a few more times again before my 21st when the laws got changed. My folks told me it was not tolerated, so it was really kept at a minimum.

I tried the same tact with my kids. The oldest boy hit 16 and asked to have a keg party. I'd been telling him for a few years the same thing my dad said (but I would have never have dreamed of taking my dad up on it). So we had a party... no one left that had been drinking. I was none too comfortable while it was going on.

Give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile. Unlike my wife, I prefer to say no, that kind of thing is not acceptable. Hopefully, then it would be kept at a minimum.

[dbhost]

I'm torn on the subject. I know abolition of alcohol only drives kids to do it. But excessive permissiveness is a weak point as well...

I remember having a beer with my Dad when I was 19. If he knew what I had been getting into by then he probably would have rethought that idea...

[jackellis]

we don't have kids but my niece's experience is pretty revealing. My sister-in-law is from Mexico and it was common for kids to be introduced to alcohol at a pretty early age. She followed the same script with her daughter. The result: on Cassie's 21st birthday, she bought a bottle of wine for herself and drank part of it over a period of several days. IOW, no big deal.

Some folks obviously have a a problem with any amount of alcohol and some kids just have to rebel. I think, though, that most will be responsible if they're introduced to it in the right way.

[dkerfoot]

I'd say the biggest driver of teenage drinking is the parent's drinking habits. The second biggest influence would be the teenager's friends.

[430752]

I agree. How to teach kids to be responsible and drink in moderation if for many years they can't have it, then all the sudden you can have as much as you want and your parents can't stop you?

Who puts a bowl of candy in front of my kids to introduce them to candy? Better to give just one and later another.

[messmaker]

It is hard to see how the youth could be better off taking the first drink in the back of a friends car rather than On the back porch with a parent.

[os1kne]

I wasn't permitted to drink alcohol at home when I was under 21. I did drink underage when I was away at college. I always thought that it made perfect sense for parents not to allow underage drinking (especially with liability issues, should something bad happen.) I had some friend's from HS that had parents that allowed them to drink, and these people tended to be idiots that had a much greater sense of entitlement than a kid should have. My parent's were strict, they did have alcohol around the house that was not locked up - and while I could have gotten away with drinking it, I knew that my parent's would catch me and kill me if I did (my mother was a nurse specializing in drug/alcohol addiction).

My wife's step-brother is about 13 years younger than me. My FIL and step-MIL did allow him to drink at home (probably around age 18), and allowed a small party or 2 in the summertime. At the time, I thought that they were being foolish and irresponsible, and maybe they were (I don't know if all of the "kids" spent the night to prevent drunk driving.) Anyway, now my wife's step-brother is a police officer and a very responsible young man.

I suppose it could go either way. I do think that there is something that make's people REALLY want something that they're not permitted to have, whether it's alcohol or Cuban cigars.

[Ed62]

In my opinion, it's a mistake to let underage kids drink anywhere. That doesn't mean they won't do it. My opinion has changed from several years ago.

Ed

[crokett]

My senior prom I got drunk at an after-party and drove home. That is the stupidest thing I've ever done. To this day I only remember about 2 minutes of what I know was a 25 minute drive. The only good thing to come out of it was that I can count on the fingers of one had the times I've been drunk since then. *edit* and they were always with somebody else doing the driving. I was a popular drinking buddy in college because I was always willing to be the DD.

I don't think underage kids should be allowed to drink either. They are convinced they are immortal and most haven't yet learned that life has consequences, sometimes severe. Some people never learn.

[Ed62]

It is hard to see how the youth could be better off taking the first drink in the back of a friends car rather than On the back porch with a parent.

You might say the same thing about sex. Sooner or later, it's gonna happen. We just shouldn't give it our blessings. Drinking (or sex) in the back seat of a friend's car could be devestating, but allowing it to happen at home will not stop it from happening.

Ed

[Gator95]

I think hosting an underage drinking party is a mistake. Know parents that did it when I was a kid (and went to those parties back in the '80's) and nothing bad happened but the potential for liability issues is huge, unless all the parents are present.

Drinking a glass of wine or beer with dinner is fine for late-teens IMHO, but don't expect them to automatically become model social drinkers. My parents let me have a beer on taco night and half a glass of wine on occassion and I was as big a binge drinker as anyone in college and grad school. Still fight it from time to time to be honest... one glass of scotch at the end of a hard day after dinner (wow this tastes good) turns into 3 (mmmm.. feeling good) and next thing you know half the bottle is gone and you're half-asleep on the sofa wondering where the evening has gone as you walk softly upstairs to bed with the misses.

Agree that the biggest influence isn't if kids drink at home or not, but rather parents drinking habits. Mine closely follow my moms and grandfathers.

[shoottx]

Not having kids, the following discussion is suspect. Now with that warning out of the way.

I believe the question on the table is part of the bigger challenge of "what values do you try to instill in your kids ans how". Some one forgot to put the answer to that question in the instruction manual that came with each kid. If you want your kids to understand responsible drinking, you are going to have to define what is responsible. There is the legal definition of responsible and a moral definition. Legal is black and white; underage the answer is no, drinking and driving. absolutely no!

Now the moral question has much broader implications, what happens if your kids have the opportunity to drink with out your supervision? What if they overindulge? How will you react? I think these are the questions you need to think through as a precursor to the question of alcohol at home!

[430752]

there's a reason why adolescent (and to a lesser extent general) alcohol abuse is worse in the USA than almost any other country.

[Rand]

I occasionally split a beer with my dad or had a small glass of wine with dinner (usually spaghetti). I wasn't allowed more than that but it wasn't a big mystery either. I also drank alot more as a teenager than they ever knew about.

Attitudes about alcohol are certainly more strict now than they were when I was in High School. I remember halloween night my sophomore year of high school -1980. I was in a car with 3 other guys and we were drinking beer. My friend Dennis was hanging his head out the window puking when a cop pulled us over. We were are 4 high school kids who had obviously been drinking and the cop checked us out and let us go with a warning to drive carefully!

I don't even know the kind of trouble that would land a kid in today. I imagine it could have a negative influence on the rest of his life.

I think most kids do a LOT of things that mom and dad don't know about. The one's who are kept on a short leash and controlled until they are 18 tend to go a bit crazy once they are finally free from their parents. Lots of kids royally screw up their first of year of college away from home.