Underage drinking at home

[Russianwolf]

When I got married, I became a dad. I gave my daughter two rules that she could live by. If she was ever out and felt uncomfortable driving/riding home, call and I'd come get her no questions. And if she was going to drink, I preferred her to do it in our home but under no circumstances would I buy the alcohol.

She only asked to take me up that offer once. A couple of her friends came over and brought 2 six packs. They stayed down stairs for a while and played pool. 7 beers were left in my fridge when they left. I asked her later why they didn't drink more. "It wasn't as cool as we thought it would be".

For me it was worth it to know that she (and the others) was safe and sound. My view is they were going to do it one way or the other, they already had the beer after all.

Now, she goes out and drinks with friends, and is very responsible about it since it was never a big deal.

[Alex Franke]

She only asked to take me up that offer once. A couple of her friends came over and brought 2 six packs. They stayed down stairs for a while and played pool. 7 beers were left in my fridge when they left. I asked her later why they didn't drink more. "It wasn't as cool as we thought it would be".

Looks like you scored 1.17 six packs on that deal! I'll have to give that one a try when the time comes!

[sparkeyjames]

If you give your child an alcoholic beverage and it's found out by the nanny state gone berserk. You might lose your children to child welfare and have them investigate everything about you. In my opinion (not having kids myself) do not give your children any alcoholic beverages. It's not worth the risk. Make them wait till there of legal age then take them out and get them blasted. If that first hang over does not cure them I don't know what will. (didn't work for me.) Though now because of some digestive system problems I might have about 3 or 4 beers per month.

[Kristofor]

With the "Social Host" ordinances they've been passing left and right around here you could be on the hook for thousands of dollars or some time in the workhouse if one of your daughter's friend's parents doesn't have the same attitude, or if the kid lets it slip in front of a teacher, neighbor, etc.

I'm all for re-evaluating laws of dubious benefit/purpose. But in this case that would take the form of bugging the elected officials rather than civil disobedience as there's little sympathy for a parent that lets their kid drink, and it's not a risk I would be willing to take with today's enforcement focus.

[dkerfoot]

With the "Social Host" ordinances they've been passing left and right around here you could be on the hook for thousands of dollars or some time in the workhouse if one of your daughter's friend's parents doesn't have the same attitude

I won't sue you, but if you give one of my teenagers alcohol... Well, let's just say your shop time would be limited for a very long time. Seriously. Don't worry about the lawsuit. Worry about the reduced quality of your life from that day forward.

I would treat you in exactly the same manner as I would an adult who decided it was time to introduce my teenager to sex.

That isn't your decision to make.

[poolhound]

This is a very tricky subject and I wondered wether to even respond. As with any forum (even ours) if posts are misinterpreted things can get nasty. Here are some of my thoughts and some perspective.

1. I am originally from the UK where the drinking age is still 18. The 21 limit here has always seemed rather strange to us and many other Europeans. Once out of HS, kids will be either holding down a job or be in college and to think that they wont be exposed to alcohol or drinking it is ridiculous. FYI most colleges and universities in the UK actually have bars specifically for students and faculty.
2. The bottom line, as has been pointed out in other posts, is that it is all parents responsibility to set the tone, rules & guidelines and act as a role model for their children. Drinking is no different to other things such as education, work, financial responsibility etc. etc.
3. If parents are either extremely lax and irresponsible or way to restrictive this can lead to problems. Balance as with all things is the way to go but not always easy to find.
4. I believe it has been proven that by banning something it only increases its attractiveness and is more likely to lead to deception, lies and bingeing.

Lastly, while I think I understand how the 21 limit came to be, the result of much lobbying from various parties in the halls of politics. There are a few anomolies I just dont get.

1. You can drive a car at 16 and with a very scant test and no short term followup and be allowed on the streets in a speeding chunk of metal where every day folks are killed. I guess we think they are responsible at 16.
2. You can get married in most states at 18. Less if you have permission.
3. Age of consent for sex (I am not condoning one way or other just stating the legal limits) varies from 16-18
4. You can vote at 18
5. you can serve on a jury at 18
6. At 18 you can purchase a firearm
7. At 18 you can enlist in the forces, be trained to kill people, be deployed and DIE!

So to recap, on your 18th birthday in the morning you can drive off to vote, serve on a jury and make decsions about the fate of one of your peers. In the afternoon you can go buy that shotgun you had always wanted and enlist in the Army, then you can get married and have sex. All of this but you cant pop open a can of Coors Lite!

[Kristofor]

I won't sue you, but if you give one of my teenagers alcohol... Well, let's just say your shop time would be limited for a very long time. Seriously. Don't worry about the lawsuit. Worry about the reduced quality of your life from that day forward.

I would treat you in exactly the same manner as I would an adult who decided it was time to introduce my teenager to sex.

That isn't your decision to make.

I was saying that even if someone (not me) was inclined to say "Okay kids if you want to drink I won't buy it for you, but you can stay here rather than driving" (eg. something that has come up in this thread) that they may still be on the hook legally.

But back to the point, you're right, it's not my decision. That said, it's also not your decision to make... As parents we can enlighten, influence, cajole, or threaten, but the person who needs to make the choice would be the child. Work with your kids to set their world view, then cross your fingers that when they make bad choices the consequences aren't too severe.

If you could beat up every adult that would give your child alchohol they could still obtain it. Either from their freinds, older siblings, parent's liquor cabinets, or even by shoplifting in the grocery store. Your best bet is to work the demand side of the equation as prohibition and the war on drugs have shown that even billions of dollars in enforement won't stop people from getting something when they want it bad enough...

Kristofor.

[Russianwolf]

I'll put it this way.

If my decision to allow this got me in trouble with someone's parents or the law. I can live with that. I'm a big boy.

If my decision not to allow this led to me attending the funeral of my daughter, or one of her friends. I couldn't live with that.

I was nearly sent to prison once for something I didn't do. My attorney commented on how calm I was while listening to someone spout things we all knew were lies. I told him, that even if I go to prison, my family, friends, and I know I didn't do it. That's all that matters. So as you can see, I'd be more than willing to take a knock for doing the right thing, and making sure my daughter and her friends are safe is right.

Now I don't need to worry about this any more as my daughter is 25. She takes good care of herself AND her friends now. I have a daughter I'm VERY proud of.

[dkerfoot]

If you could beat up every adult that would give your child alchohol they could still obtain it. Either from their freinds, older siblings, parent's liquor cabinets, or even by shoplifting in the grocery store. Your best bet is to work the demand side of the equation as prohibition and the war on drugs have shown that even billions of dollars in enforement won't stop people from getting something when they want it bad enough...

It is true I can't beat up every adult that might give my children liquor. But, I thought it would be a helpful reminder to any adult considering giving alcohol to a child that is not their own, that there could very well be an angry father with a baseball bat attached to that child.

I've got four kids, ages 12, 13, 19 and 22 and I feel confident in saying that none of them, including the 22 year old have any interest in alcohol. I can also say without reservation that they have a heck of a lot more fun than their Dad (who was helpfully assisted in accessing alcohol by adults and older teens starting in 3rd grade) ever did at their ages.

No one needs to convince me that bored teens who are surrounded by drinking adults will find access to alcohol. Thankfully, since I stopped drinking myself, I have the motivation to help them find better things to do with their time.

As my old tag-line used to say:
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour.
Teach a man to brew and he wastes a lifetime!

[Scottydont]

Any forbidden fruit is such a tempting thing for any teenager struggling with adolesence not to mention peer pressure. If you choose to use achohol and it is normalized and the message you tell your kids is use it responsibly, the temptation would be less. You must walk the walk and talk the talk. I drink regularly but responsibly. As the father of two young boys I am be aware of how my consumption may affect them. I do not drink in excess. My nine year old knows that I will NEVER drive a car even after having one beer. We discuss news when we hear about this person or that drinking and driving and hurting or killing others.

I grew up with alcoholic parents so I am concerned about not passing that legacy down to my kids. My parents told me after I was 16 that if I felt the need to drink, do it at home. I drove drunk way to many times than I would to ever like to admit between the ages of 16 and 25. I am extremely lucky I never killed anyone. The responsibility message was not discussed nor did they model it.

My kids are 2 a 9 and that discussion will come.