Murphy's Lesser Known Laws

[just started]

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got here first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.
11. Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
I4. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[shoottx]

Murphy's Technology Law #1:
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Murphy's Technology Law #2:
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Murphy's Technology Law #3:
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

Murphy's Technology Law #4:
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

Murphy's Technology Law #5:
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he/she knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Murphy's Technology Law #6:
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure.

Murphy's Technology Law #7:
All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Murphy's Technology Law #8:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Murphy's Technology Law #9:
All's well that ends... period.

Murphy's Technology Law #10:
A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost.

Murphy's Technology Law #11:
The first myth of management is that it exists.

Murphy's Technology Law #12:
A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.

Murphy's Technology Law #13:
New systems generate new problems.

Murphy's Technology Law #14:
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Murphy's Technology Law #15:
We don't know one-millionth of one percent about anything.

Murphy's Technology Law #16:
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Murphy's Technology Law #17:
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

[gerti]

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

Apparently uttered by someone who neither knows me nor has ever seen "Holmes on Homes"...

[Uncle Cracker]

Here's a couple I like:

"We the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful... We have done so much with so little for so long that we are now capable of doing absolutely everything with absolutely nothing..."

and

"Have you seen them? How long ago? How many of them were there? Which way did they go? I MUST find them... I am their LEADER..."

[shoottx]

Apparently uttered by someone who neither knows me nor has ever seen "Holmes on Homes"...

I really believe it was more of a shot at programers.

[Pappy]

Here's a couple I like:

"We the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful... We have done so much with so little for so long that we are now capable of doing absolutely everything with absolutely nothing..."

First uttered by an unknown Marine!

[jackellis]

LOML has led summer backpacking trips for over 30 years. People continue to sign up even though she is the slowest hiker of all.

Many years ago her friends had a T-shirt made up with

"Have you seen them? How long ago? How many of them were there? Which way did they go? I MUST find them... I am their LEADER..."

that she is still quite proud of.

[JR]

Murphy's Technology Law #5:
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he/she knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Alternatively:

An expert is a guy with a necktie.

A consultant is a guy with a necktie from out of town.

JR

[shoottx]

Murphy's Laws and Other Observations

O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Laws - Murphy was an optimist.

Forsyth's Second Corollary to Murphy's Laws - Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in.

Weiler's Law - Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Addition to Murphy's Laws - In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.

Osborn's Law - Variables won't; constants aren't.

Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology - There's always one more bug.

Gumperson's Law - The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Gummidge's Law - The amount of expertise varies in inverse ratio to the number of statements understood by the general public.

Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving System Dynamics - Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can (old worms never die, they just worm their way into larger cans).

Sattinger's Law - It works better if you plug it in.

Jenkinson's Law - It won't work.

Horner's Five Thumb Postulate - Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Cheop's Law - Nothing ever gets build on schedule or within budget.

Rule of Accuracy - When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Pudder's Laws - 1. Anything that begins well ends badly. 2. Anything that begins badly ends worse.

Westheimer's Rule - To estimate the time it takes to do a task: estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Thus, we allocate two days for a one hour task.

Stockmayer's Theorem - If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's **** near impossible.

Johnson's Third Law - If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue that contains the article, story or installment you were most anxious to read.

Corollary to Johnson's Third Law - All of your friends either missed it, lost it or threw it out.

Finagle's Fourth Law - Once a job is fooled up, anything done to improve it will only make it worse.

Featherkile's Rule - Whatever you did, that's what you planned.

Flap's Law - Any inanimate object, regardless of its position, configuration or purpose, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.

[Uncle Cracker]

Cracker's Law #1: "When dropped, any tool, even an anvil, will immediately roll to the exact center underneath your car."

Cracker's Law #2: "Cracker's Law #1 remains valid, even if you are at work and your car is at home..."

[MilDoc]

Westheimer's Rule - To estimate the time it takes to do a task: estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Thus, we allocate two days for a one hour task.

Thank you! I showed that to LOML and now she KNOWS why when I say something will only take an hour .... it takes MUCH longer!

[khf314]

Another Couple.....

Mitchell's Law

When all you have is a hammer, everything in the world looks like a nail.


Yogi Berra's Law of Project Management

The first 90% of a project takes 90% of the time. The rest of the project takes the other 90% of the time.

[twistsol]

I operate on the assumption that nothing works and it never will. When my assumption is wrong, I'm pleasantly surprised.

[gerti]

Then there is: "The sum of all properly working devices in the universe is a constant." Think about that when you by your next gizmo/toaster/laptop/TV/whatever...

[LCHIEN]

Then there is: "The sum of all properly working devices in the universe is a constant." Think about that when you by your next gizmo/toaster/laptop/TV/whatever...

The good thing about this rule is that what breaks when you get a new one will probably be someone elses.