These Hit close to Home
>The "Golden Years"?
>
>A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well
>groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of
>a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into
>an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking
>lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of
>her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me,
>do I come here often?"
>
>
>An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of
years.
>He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for
>a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The
>elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
>said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
>that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told
>my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
>I've changed my will three times!"
>
>
>Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a
>bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm
>8 9 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're
>about my age.
>How do you feel?"
>Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
>"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
>"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
>
>
>A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're
>getting married?"
>"Yep!"
>"Do I know her?"
>"Nope!"
>"This woman, is she good looking?"
>"Not really."
>"Is she a good cook?"
>"Naw, she can't cook too well."
>"Does she have lots of money?"
>"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
>"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
>"I don't know."
>"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
>"Because she can still drive!"
>
>
>Three old guys are out walking.
>First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
>Second one says," No, it's Thursday!"
>Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
>
>
>A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
>cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
perfect."
>"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
>"Twelve thirty."
>
>
>Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A
>few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
>gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor
>spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
>Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
>be cheerful.'
>"The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
>murmur; be careful.'"
>
>
>A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
>himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his
>breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed
>nuts?"
>"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
>
>A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well
>groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of
>a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into
>an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking
>lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of
>her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me,
>do I come here often?"
>
>
>An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of
years.
>He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for
>a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The
>elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
>said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased
>that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told
>my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
>I've changed my will three times!"
>
>
>Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a
>bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm
>8 9 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're
>about my age.
>How do you feel?"
>Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
>"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
>"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
>
>
>A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're
>getting married?"
>"Yep!"
>"Do I know her?"
>"Nope!"
>"This woman, is she good looking?"
>"Not really."
>"Is she a good cook?"
>"Naw, she can't cook too well."
>"Does she have lots of money?"
>"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
>"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
>"I don't know."
>"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
>"Because she can still drive!"
>
>
>Three old guys are out walking.
>First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
>Second one says," No, it's Thursday!"
>Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
>
>
>A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
>cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
perfect."
>"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
>"Twelve thirty."
>
>
>Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A
>few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
>gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor
>spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
>Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
>be cheerful.'
>"The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
>murmur; be careful.'"
>
>
>A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
>himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his
>breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed
>nuts?"
>"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
Had a good laugh on those, Bill. 
Mrs. Wallnut
Loring in Katy, TX USA
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