Best Smart-A** Answers

[MilDoc]

Smart-Ass Answer #5

It was mealtime on a British Airways plane.
"Would you like dinner?" the attendant asked.
"What are my choices?" he asked.

"Yes or no," she replied

Smart-Ass Answer #4

As a man approached the ticket agent at the gate, she extended her hand for his ticket.
He opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without blinking an eye, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Smart-Ass Answer #3

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing clerk, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

"I'm afraid not, they're dead," he replied

Smart-Ass Answer #2

The policeman approached the speeding car as the young man rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day, my first speeder," the cop said.

"Yes, well I got here as fast as I could," the kid replied.

Smart-Ass Answer #1

A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me. I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's all!"

A smart-ass at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and total sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class was reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said:

"Well, I guess you would have to write the exam with your other hand."

[cabinetman]

[Ed62]

Those were great, Paul. Thanks.

Ed

[bigstick509]

Very Funny

[gad5264]

Good ones!

[DUD]

Those were good ones Paul, I will pass them along. Bill

[Mrs. Wallnut]

Just last week we had a car drive through the front of our store. So we have a temporary door and one of the windows has been replaced by a piece of plywood. Well I got tired of people asking me what happened to the doors and if we were remodeling that I finally told some drunk kids that I got tired of being asked by drunks what had happened that I threw them through the window that was there.

Then told another person that we decided to try and fit a car in the store because we were going to try our hand at used car sales.

Of course no one believed me on any of those.

But I am going to have to print those out and post them at work. There are a few that I think could transfer over to the convience store world I work in.

[LCHIEN]

Watching Die Hard last night.
Bad guy German terrorist (Alan Rickman) takes over Nakatomi Corporation's hi-rise office building. He kills the head guy, Mr. Takagi, when he refuses to give up the safe combination. Later Takagi's right hand woman Holly McClane (Bonnie Bedelia) approaches the terrorist. "I need to speak to you about the hostages. They have some needs".
Terrorist: "What Idot put you in charge?"
Holly: "You did, when you shot Mr Takagi"

[Crash2510]

very funny

I have probably used most of these in some form or another