What does it mean?

[Ed62]

My wife was in the side yard, working on her garden. I was on the other side of the fence, in the back yard. She said "Would you hand me the shovel?" It was only a few feet away from me. What she meant was (take the poll).

Ed

[crokett]

I voted for Where's the shovel. She needs to say what she means.

[JR]

I voted for Where's the shovel. She needs to say what she means.

BWAAHAHAHA!!!

Yer killin me, man.

JR

[crokett]

I'm serious. Today my wife asked where the shovel was so she could turn my daughter's box garden to plant seeds. I told her the potato fork would be better and it is in the shed. After they got done planting she was annoyed. I asked her why. She said I didn't help turn the garden like she asked. I told her she didn't ask. She said she did. I said, no, you asked where the shovel was.

[LinuxRandal]

One of the reasons I am not married, I am not afraid to ask WTFDoesthatmean (said as all one word).

[Ed62]

I said, no, you asked where the shovel was.

David, David, David! If you re-read the above quote, I'm pretty sure you'll see that she indeed did ask you to do turn the garden. If you can't read that, you haven't been married long enough.

Ed

[Richard in Smithville]

I have to agree with Davey. If my wife asks me where the shovel is, I tell her and then say ," I'll be in the shop.....call if you need me"; then I put on the muffs and fire up a tool.....any tool.....lots of noise.

[Anna]

I feel like a traitor, but oh well, here goes:

Guys, I'll tell you a secret that will keep you from always second-guessing your better halves: Always do more than what you think she's asking for.

If you've ever listened to your wife's girlfriend going on about how sweet her husband was for emptying the dishwasher or taking the laundry out of the dryer or putting away the garden tools, you know what I'm talking about. Our expectations are already so low, you shouldn't have any problems exceeding them. Whatever you DON'T do will only validate what women think of you anyway ("He NEVER empties the dishwasher!" "He HATES helping with the laundry!") that if you do even the smallest thing to buck the trend, you become instant heroes.

If your wife says "Please hand me the shovel," the least she'll expect is for you to hand her the shovel. BUT, if you proceed to donate 5 minutes of your time to dig that hole that will take her half an hour to do, or even just chat with her about how her garden is going, you've just earned mucho brownie points. Because... you care! (Wanna bet that she'll then ask if she can get you something cool to drink? We always reciprocate, you know.)

The other way to figure women out is to think about what they'd do if the situation was reversed. If you asked for the shovel, what does your wife do? Hand you the shovel, then proceed to ask what you're doing and if she can help, right? If you do something similar to her, you're good to go. If she says, "No, I can handle this," then reassure her that if she needs any help to just holler. Believe me, she may never ask for your help, but she'll appreciate the thought. But if you seem like you're always running away, even when she doesn't need your help, you just reinforced her preconceived ideas (see above).

Don't ask me how and why it works. At worst, if it doesn't work, then you're lucky because your wife already thinks like a man. How can you complain either way? Well, okay, if your wife is a man, that's a different story.

[LCHIEN]

...
The other way to figure women out is to think about what they'd do if the situation was reversed. If you asked for the shovel, what does your wife do? Hand you the shovel, then proceed to ask what you're doing and if she can help, right? If you do something similar to her, you're good to go. If she says, "No, I can handle this," then reassure her that if she needs any help to just holler. Believe me, she may never ask for your help, but she'll appreciate the thought. But if you seem like you're always running away, even when she doesn't need your help, you just reinforced her preconceived ideas (see above).
...

Well maybe you're right about some things but I'll call you out on this one.
If I ask my wife to hand me a shovel, here's what I get:
What are you doing?
Do you know what you're doing?
You're doing it all wrong.
Is that in the right place?
its not deep enough. OR its Not wide enough.
It's not Big enough.
(and all that, I might add, is from someone who never used a shovel in her life)
...

Needless to say, I don't ask my wife for help with anything unless I abolutely have to...

[RodKirby]

Way too easy - "your day is mine!"

Believe me - I'm qualified - 38 years education

[JTimmons]

Always do more than what you think she's asking for.

LMAO, this only raises expectations!

Marriage is a lot like a career, the more work you do, the more work you're expected to do the next time.

I have got to say I was mighty surprised this year with the amount of work the LOML has contributed to the backyard landscaping, she was even shoveling rock with the guys this Friday. In the past though, hand me the shovel meant a hole needed to be dug and you should do it.

[crokett]

Ed/Anna - I had a pretty good idea what she wanted but she didn't ask that. She asked where the shovel was. She should ask what she means and not expect me to decipher it. Mebbe when I'm married longer I will decide it is a battle not worth fighting. But before that happens I'm hoping that one day she will start saying what she means.

[Slik Geek]

I feel like a traitor, but oh well, here goes:

Guys, I'll tell you a secret that will keep you from always second-guessing your better halves: Always do more than what you think she's asking for.

Anna,
Your advice is golden and so well written. Rather than feeling like a traitor, you've provided insight that most men don't enter marriage with, but desparately need.

It took me a decade or so of completely messing up in this category before I learned it through painful trial and error. (And I still sometimes forget this).

The bad thing is that most young men would probably reject your advice and miss out on a much more enjoyable marriage. It just doesn't make sense to the male brain. (It took me far too long to realize that it doesn't have to make sense to be important. The principle of "thoughtfully helping your help mate" trumps the principle of "making sense" or the principle of "say what you want").

It really doesn't take much time or effort, generally, to implement your suggestions, but the payback is outstanding.

[Cody.h]

Way too easy - "your day is mine!"

Believe me - I'm qualified - 38 years education

I'm with Rod here...way easy....but thats because everyday is Her's.

David, David, David! If you re-read the above quote, I'm pretty sure you'll see that she indeed did ask you to do turn the garden. If you can't read that, you haven't been married long enough.

I'm with Ed here too...just because she didn't say exactly what she meant doesn't mean to Her she didn't ask. I tell my LOML all the time that the only thing men and women have in common is that we happen to live on the same planet and that if I don't always get what she means then I'm sorry but don't think I did or didn't do it out of neglect...I just didn't know and that she sometimes needs to be a little clearer. We've only been married 7 years now but I thnk she's starting to see what I mean.

But Anna has awesome advice...just think what a world we could have if everyone did just a little bit more then expected!!

[crokett]

Anna,
The principle of "thoughtfully helping your help mate" trumps the principle of "making sense" or the principle of "say what you want").
.

Actually I think they go hand-in-hand. If she'd asked for help turning over the garden I'd have gladly not only turned it over, but mulched it, watered it, etc. I always do more than she asks but she needs to ask.

What I am trying to do is make it so when it counts (i.e. when she is mad at me) I want her to just tell me why, not make me guess, or tell me 'I'm not telling you if you don't already know'. If I knew why you were mad, I wouldn't have done whatever it is to make you mad.