how old should you be before.....

[durango dude]

How old should you be before you become a father-in-law?

My Navy son called me with an announcement, today.

He's 20 years old - which is a bit younger than I was when I got engaged.
(I always figured it's best to wait until you're at least 25).

I feel a little like the father felt in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding .

She's from the South! (Colorado isn't north or south - but it's certainly not Southern). Charleston, SC is a little more formal than anything I'm used to.

We don't have much of a dowry to offer her or her family ---- **** - I can barely afford to put a roof over my head with the cost of living in Colorado.

And then - she wants to become my facebook friend ----- I don't even have my mom on my friends list!

I suppose there is some good side to all this ---- I've always wanted to go down to Gregory Paolini's shop to take a class --- and she lives just a couple hundred miles away (that's nothing here in Colorado).

In any event - I'm only 48 ---- didn't figure I'd be a father-in-law before I was 50 ---- and sure as heck don't want to be a grandpa before then.

[chopnhack]

First off, congrats!!
More importantly than feeling your age, is looking at what accomplishments have occurred before that age.

[LCHIEN]

hard to say. Are they mature and stable? Some people mature early, some people never mature. I would have to say that I think that age helps and most people are not mature until they reach an age where they are self sufficient and have stabilized theyir values - maybe about 25 as you say. You will have to judge for yourself as to where they stand. Some people think of marriage as a lifelong committment and others view it as a disposable thing to be tossed aside when they outgrow each other.

The most important thing is, how have you done in implanting your values in your child? Or as my father used to say, you designed this airplane, now you get to stand back and hope it flies.

[eccentrictinkerer]

I married LOML at 20 (she was 19) 46 years ago. We're still together and looking forward to many more years together.

Both older daughters married at 25, but both are in the process of getting divorces after 16 and 17 years.

Go figure.

[cabinetman]

As parents we can only advise our children. Once they become of age, not much can be done. I mean we can threaten to take away their comic books, but it's likely they aren't reading them anymore.

What does get disconcerting is when our grandchildren make those decisions to start a family and they aren't married. Our oldest male grandchild has moved in with his girlfriend and her family. He's 21, and is of age to make his own decisions. I doubt seriously that he has contemplated his lifelong commitment even if he doesn't get married.

.

[atgcpaul]

Speaking from your son's perspective...my dad is nearly 30 years older than me--just 2 years different than you and your son. I got married at 25 and we had our first child (his first grandchild) when I was 34 and my dad was 64. My parents never really asked us where the grandkids were for at least the first 5 years of marriage but there were subtle hints later on.

My wife and I were still establishing ourselves and our careers so the long wait was good for us. I also don't think I would have been mature enough to handle kids before 30.

But knowing that my dad's dad died when he was just 70, I do feel a little regret that we didn't have kids earlier for their sake. My father knows what killed his dad and he is in excellent shape, but it's unlikely with the trend of people marrying at later ages that they'll live to see their granddaughters graduate school, get married, etc. Seeing how much they adore their grandkids, it must be something that must be somewhere in their thoughts and I wish it wasn't. I'm sure if I were to ask my parents, though, they'd just say they were fine with the way things are.

Anyway, congratulations. You really are gaining a daughter and not losing a son.

[gsmittle]

And then - she wants to become my facebook friend ----- I don't even have my mom on my friends list!

You're under no obligation to friend anyone; it's your choice.

As for the rest, have you met the young lady? Chances are the dowry, etc. means little to her.

Just my opinion.

g.

[LCHIEN]

You're under no obligation to friend anyone; it's your choice.

As for the rest, have you met the young lady? Chances are the dowry, etc. means little to her.

Just my opinion.

g.

yeah, I think dowrys are pretty old-fashioned and out of style. Unfortunately, $30,000 weddings are in.

Someone else made a good point... if your kids marry young, it greatly improves your chances at seeing your great grandkids one day when you can enjoy them.

[SHADOWFOX]

Congrats! If she's the one for him and she loves him and treats your son well, be thankful for it and welcome her into the family.

I have two brother-in-laws both still single. One just turned 40 the other one in his early 30's and don't look like they have any intention of settling down soon. Both have excellent jobs and have their own house. Would be one thing if they were dating anybody but that's not even the case. They seem content in being alone. My Father-in-Law wishes they would both get married and have kids but I think he's given up on them.

Love having my wife to talk to after a long day at work. I look forward to seeing my 2 little girls and listen to them say "Hi Daddy!"

[Pappy]

My eldest went through a sorry excuse for a marriage then married his high school sweet heart. She has a daughter that has Grandpa wrapped around her finger.

The youngest went through a bad marriage and then remarried. She has a son and they already have 2 more boys. He always said he didn't want to have kids...

From my side, age ain't got nothing to do with it!