Graveyard Humor

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Graveyard Humor

Be careful what you inscribe on a tombstone. Here are some funny ones!

Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
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Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
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Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.
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Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
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Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
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Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.
_____________________________________________
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
_____________________________________________
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
_____________________________________________
Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.
____________________________________________
In a Georgia cemetery:
"I told you I was sick!"
____________________________________________
On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.
____________________________________________
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.
___________________________________________
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
___________________________________________
The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
___________________________________________
Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.
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In Memory of Beza Wood
Departed this life
Nov. 2, 1837
Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in wood
One Wood
Within another.
The outer wood
Is very good:
We cannot praise
The other.
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When the great judgement day arrives
and Joshua Fenton Newton does not emerge from this hole,
you will know that someone made a mistake
and buried me in the wrong hole.
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From La Pointe, Wis.

To the Memory of Abraham Beaulieu
Born 15 September 1822
Accidentally shot 4th April 1844
As a mark of affection from his brother.
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From Burlington Vt.

She lived with her husband fifty years
And died in the confident hope of a better life.
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Here lies my wife:
Here let her lie!
Now she's at rest
And so am I.
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Here Lies Mary Smith
Silent At Last
____________________________________________
Russell J. Larsen buried in Logan, Ut.

Two things I love most,
good horses and beautiful women,
And when I die I hope they tan this old hide of mine
and make it into a ladies riding saddle,
So I can rest in peace
between the two things I love


HIS FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home,
cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who can make you
laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust,
and doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed,
and likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other.


Bob

[herb fellows]

Made my day, thanks!

[scmhogg]

My father, Named William Hogg, was most proud of the photo of a tombstone in an old cemetary in England. It Read, "WILLIAM HOGG---Hung for piracy".

Steve

[LCHIEN]

The survivor gets the last word.

I imagine these were no accident, so being careful? no. Just don't let your joy show too much lest someone get their revenge on your tombstone.

And, possibly some of the deceased may have left in their last W&T what they wanted on their stone... and had a sense of humor.

[BobSch]

The survivor gets the last word.

So get yours done now and beat the rush.

Seriously, there's a lot to be said for getting funeral planing done now, not to mention the pain it will save your family. I will admit it's weird to visit the family plot and see your name on a stone.

[Ed62]

I needed a good laugh.

Ed

[cabinetman]

"YOU'RE NEXT" wouldn't cost that much.

.

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