Depressed for one of my best friends family...

[dbhost]

Not sure if I ever posted here about it, but I need to vent, a major event is coming up in the life of one of my, if not my closest friends lives. The guy that was my best man, the guy that was my best friend in Jr. High and High School. He is going through **** on earth, and my heart breaks for him specifically, and his family...

So simply put, and to protect identities, I am going to boil this down to soup and nuts, he is recently divorced, and got unjust visitation and spousal support that will leave him nearly living in a broken down old van. His father is on trial for brutally murdering a handicapped elderly woman that tried to help his mother hide from his father after he beat the tar out of her, yet again, for the countless time in 40 freaking years, and my home town Police Department and social service agencies have been stunningly inept at protecting this family from the monster that his mom married... (The father in law issue is one of the major stressors that killed my friends marriage...)

Now I am depressed over all of this. Not only is my best friend going through ****, but I am in coastal Texas, and he is in Oregon... So it's not like I can take him out for coffee and just let him vent... I feel powerless to help, and it is depressing, and to a certain extent makes me angry... I don't want my friend to have to deal with this junk at all, but what makes me even angrier is that he has to deal with it and I am on the other side of the country...

[Ed62]

It's obvious that you are very close to him, and it's hard for you to know what's happening in his life. If you give him a call, I'm sure he'll appreciate it. That's about all you can do, except for maybe sending prayers his way.

Ed

[dbhost]

It's obvious that you are very close to him, and it's hard for you to know what's happening in his life. If you give him a call, I'm sure he'll appreciate it. That's about all you can do, except for maybe sending prayers his way.

Ed

We do the email / phone thing pretty regular... It's just a pain to be across the country... I know he will come out stronger for this but what a pain to have to go through right?

[herb fellows]

I have a similar situation at the moment, although my friends problems do not involve violence. What struck me particularly is that my friend is also in Oregon and I'm in New York.
In his situation, what he really wants most of the time is just a sounding board, someone to vent to. We use Skype in addition to the phone and email. Email is fine for factual stuff, but it has no emotion to it. What they need most is a voice to talk to that understands what they are going through.
Does it suck? You bet it does! The mantra everyone needs to keep repeating to themselves is 'this too shall pass'.

[Knottscott]

I'll be praying for all of you.

[dbhost]

An update for y'all...

The verdict is in, and he was found guilty. I have mixed feelings about this whole thing. Glad that finally it looks like there might just be some justice in the world. And unbelievable angry that it took this long, the death of an innocent woman, and such a long term, deep impact on an otherwise good family...

[natausch]

Divorce is devestating for families but for most men it is financially devistating. My brother was recently served. For a long time they've been struggling financially, but now with support, having to maintain a seperate apartment and a medical garnishment related to the birth of their third he is one step from living in a van down by the river.

Not to deride the system but his wife filed the divorce after revealing that she'd been cheating on him for years, what little they had she seized; including his car. The martial assets form was modified after he had it noterized and he now has 31% support plus 50% parental rights due to not being able to afford a lawyer during the trial.

This week the beater van he bought with money I gave him went into a ditch during a snow storm and sheared the linkage, he managed to get a free tow from some guys who stopped by but it's trashed.

His apartment is terribly sad, he has beds for his kids, but not one for himself. He sleeps on a broken down loveseat he bought for $20, no TV. The only real furniture he has other than the loveseat is the dinette table she left when she cleaned out their house.

[cabinetman]

An update for y'all...

The verdict is in, and he was found guilty. I have mixed feelings about this whole thing. Glad that finally it looks like there might just be some justice in the world. And unbelievable angry that it took this long, the death of an innocent woman, and such a long term, deep impact on an otherwise good family...

Fortunately some things do work out for the best. Maybe not as fast as we like. As for your friend, just being his friend and him having a buddy to talk to is a great thing. Some people have no compassionate friends.

.

[RAFlorida]

Like Cabinetman said, being a friend was

of great value. Many time, just being there and listening does a lot for somebody that's being dragged through the mud. I believe your friend really appreciates you being there when his time was ****.

[Ed62]

Maybe now there can be a return to normalness. He's a lucky guy to have a great friend in you.


ed