Texas Hunters

[pelligrini]

Texas Hunters

Two Texas Deer hunters hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged four.

As they started loading the plane for the return trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take only two moose.

The two hunters objected strongly, stating, "Last year we shot four moose, and the pilot let us put them all on board, and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all four were loaded.

Unfortunately, even at full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and crashed a few minutes after takeoff.

Climbing out of the wreck, Leroy asked Bubba, "Any idea where we are?"

Bubba replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

[dbhost]

Why are you making fun of my neighbors?

[cabinetman]

A guy saw an ad in a travel agency window for a $49 ocean cruise. He went in and said he wanted to go. The agent took his money and took him to the beach, hit him on the head with a 2x4, put him on a raft, and put him out to sea.

When he woke up, land was nowhere to be seen. After about 2 days he noticed another guy in the distance also on a raft. After many hours, they drifted close enough together to shout at each other.

The guy yelled out: "Did you take the $49 ocean cruise?"

The other guy yelled back: "Yeah, I did".

The guy yelled: "Are they gonna come get us?"

The other guy yelled back: "They didn't last year".
.

[phi1l]

News for the summer travel season …..

I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania). The
cost is a bit high @ US$800 per person per day double occupancy. What I found enticing is that the cruise company is encouraging people to bring their high powered weapons along on the cruise. If you don't have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master gunsmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of $3200 per person double occupancy (4 days). All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package..

$800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)

M16 full auto @ $25.00/day. 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing ammo at $15.95

AK47 riffle @ No charge. 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball ammo at $14.95

Barrett M-107 .50 cal sniper riffle @ $55.00/day. 25 rounds 50 cal armor piercing at $49.95

Crew members can double as spotters for $30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).

They even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and $200 for 3 standard loads.

Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and there's coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am. Meals are not included but seem reasonable. Most cruises offer a mini-bar...

PLUS, these gung ho entrepreneurs offer... get this...

MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire.

Sign my arse up!

They advertise group rates and corporate discounts......and even claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"

They even offer a partial money back if not satisfied....here's some text from the ad.

"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund back half your money including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini gun charges not included).. How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted Hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before Apr. 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice."

As if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials

"I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'LL never hunt big game in Africa again."
---- Lars, Hamburg Germany

"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12 yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES 0 -PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English"
----Ned, Salt Lake city, Utah USA

"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM. Don't worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their sh***y aim--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in Nam"
----"chopper' Dan, Toledo USA.

[jackellis]

Unfortunately, even at full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and crashed a few minutes after takeoff.

Obviously not a Citabria, which will carry a 200 pound pilot, fuel, and three field-dressed caribou (150 pounds each). I wasn't the pilot, but one of the caribou was mine!

[crokett]

Phil, I know a way to guarantee you get 'attacked', give the pirates a cut of the take. They can just cut and run before anybody actually gets hurt.