I"M Back Little Zachary

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  • DUD
    Veteran Member
    • Dec 2002
    • 3309
    • Jonesboro, Arkansas, USA.
    • Ryobi BT3000

    #1

    I"M Back Little Zachary

    I want to thank Bruce and Mark and everyone for their expressions of concen. I am getting better will get back on My feet soon. Bill


    Little Zachary was doing very badly in math.
    His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors,
    flash cards, special learning centers.
    In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

    Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.

    Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.

    To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.

    This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

    Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.. She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. 'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?'

    Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'
    5 OUT OF 4 PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND FRACTIONS.
  • Mr__Bill
    Veteran Member
    • May 2007
    • 2096
    • Tacoma, WA
    • BT3000

    #2
    Good to see you back, glad your feeling better.

    another Bill

    Just for Dud
    Some of the artists from the 60's are re-releasing their hits
    with new lyrics to accommodate the old folk. This is good news,
    for those feeling a little older and missing those great old tunes:

    Herman's Hermits - "Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker"

    The Bee Gees - "How Can You Mend A Broken Hip"

    The Temptations - "Papa's Got A Kidney Stone"

    Ringo Starr - "I Get By With A Little Help From Depends"

    Marvin Gaye - "I Heard It Through The Grape Nuts"

    Procol Harem - "A Whiter Shade Of Hair"

    Johnny Nash - "I Can't See Clearly Now"

    Leo Sayer - "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"

    ABBA - "Denture Queen"

    Paul Simon - "Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver"

    Roberta Flack - "The First Time I Ever Forgot Your Face"

    Commodores - "Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom"

    Rolling Stones - "You Can't Always Pee When You Want"

    Bobby Darin - "Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash"

    Comment

    • Shep
      Senior Member
      • Nov 2008
      • 710
      • Columbus, OH
      • Hitachi C10FL

      #3
      Welcome back and thanks for the laugh.
      -Justin


      shepardwoodworking.webs.com


      ...you can thank me later.

      Comment

      • germdoc
        Veteran Member
        • Nov 2003
        • 3567
        • Omaha, NE
        • BT3000--the gray ghost

        #4
        Ditto--glad to have you back!

        The joke quotient here got pretty low for awhile...I even submitted a few rejects from Conan's out-of-work joke writers...
        Jeff


        “Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing”--Voltaire

        Comment

        • LarryG
          The Full Monte
          • May 2004
          • 6693
          • Off The Back
          • Powermatic PM2000, BT3100-1

          #5
          Welcome back, Bill. We've missed you! And it's good to see you picking up right where you left off ...
          Larry

          Comment

          • cabinetman
            Gone but not Forgotten RIP
            • Jun 2006
            • 15216
            • So. Florida
            • Delta

            #6
            It's good to see you posting again. Little Zack got a reality check.

            From another forum:

            Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:
            You have to love this lawyer ........



            A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral.. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.


            (Actual reply from FHA):

            "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
            Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

            (Actual response):

            "Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 206 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France , in 1803 the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France , which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain . The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella. The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope bef
            ore she sold her jewels to finance Columbus 's expedition...Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.
            Now, may we have our f****** loan?"
            .
            IT'S A JOKE...NO RELIGIOUS INTENT.
            .
            Last edited by cabinetman; 03-02-2010, 11:19 AM.

            Comment

            • Uncle Cracker
              The Full Monte
              • May 2007
              • 7091
              • Sunshine State
              • BT3000

              #7
              Welcome back, Bill! It ain't been the same without ya...

              Comment

              • Richard in Smithville
                Veteran Member
                • Oct 2006
                • 3014
                • On the TARDIS
                • BT 3100

                #8
                This is the longest I've had the same keyboard!


                Welcome back Dud!
                From the "deep south" part of Canada

                Richard in Smithville

                http://richardspensandthings.blogspot.com/

                Comment

                • Black wallnut
                  cycling to health
                  • Jan 2003
                  • 4715
                  • Ellensburg, Wa, USA.
                  • BT3k 1999

                  #9
                  Welcome back Bill! You gave me a good laugh
                  Donate to my Tour de Cure


                  marK in WA and Ryobi Fanatic Association State President ©

                  Head servant of the forum

                  ©

                  Comment

                  • crokett
                    The Full Monte
                    • Jan 2003
                    • 10627
                    • Mebane, NC, USA.
                    • Ryobi BT3000

                    #10
                    Welcome back Bill. We missed your jokes!
                    David

                    The chief cause of failure in this life is giving up what you want most for what you want at the moment.

                    Comment

                    • TB Roye
                      Veteran Member
                      • Jan 2004
                      • 2969
                      • Sacramento, CA, USA.
                      • BT3100

                      #11
                      Welcome Back Bill. The jokes are now going again. Nice to see. I will get some clean cloth and Monitor cleaner and buy an extra Keyboard. Worth it to read your messages.

                      Tom
                      Last edited by TB Roye; 03-03-2010, 09:38 AM.

                      Comment

                      • billwmeyer
                        Veteran Member
                        • Feb 2003
                        • 1868
                        • Weir, Ks, USA.
                        • BT3000

                        #12
                        Great to have you back Bill! I will be looking forward to more fun here.

                        Bill
                        "I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in."-Kenny Rogers

                        Comment

                        • lrogers
                          Veteran Member
                          • Dec 2002
                          • 3853
                          • Mobile, AL. USA.
                          • BT3000

                          #13
                          Glad that are back with us Bill!
                          Larry R. Rogers
                          The Samurai Wood Butcher
                          http://splash54.multiply.com
                          http://community.webshots.com/user/splash54

                          Comment

                          • Ed62
                            The Full Monte
                            • Oct 2006
                            • 6021
                            • NW Indiana
                            • BT3K

                            #14
                            Now why didn't I expect the first "I'm Back" thread to include a joke? Welcome back, Bill. You've been AWOL too long.

                            Ed
                            Do you know about kickback? Ray has a good writeup here... https://www.sawdustzone.org/articles...mare-explained

                            For a kickback demonstration video http://www.metacafe.com/watch/910584...demonstration/

                            Comment

                            • gerti
                              Veteran Member
                              • Dec 2003
                              • 2233
                              • Minnetonka, MN, USA.
                              • BT3100 "Frankensaw"

                              #15
                              Bill is back! This is a good day. Looking forward to many more great jokes! Glad to have you back.

                              Comment

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