Airflight Joke

[Richard in Smithville]

An old one but worth repeating( IMHO)

During a flight to Japan, the pilot came on the intercom. " Ladies and gentlemen, we are crusing over the Pacific ocean, at an altitude of 25 000 feet and travelling at *OH MY WORD!"

Of course everyone in the cabin was wondering if to panic when the captain came back and said, " Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for my outburst. You see, the stewerdess just brought in our in flight meals and dropped hot coffee in my lap. In fact, you should see the front of my pants".

Back in the cabin a passenger yelled out, " Yeah? You should see the back of mine!"

[Kristofor]

Hey, at least they were paying attention and not sleeping, er, having "a heated discussion over airline policy"....

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TRAVEL/10/23....by/index.html

[BobSch]

After hitting a rough patch of weather, the pilot finishes his "sorry about the turbulence" speech and — forgetting to turn off his mic — turns to his copilot and says, "What I really need now is a hot cup of coffee and a hot broad!"

A flight attendant, hearing this, charges forward to tell the pilot to turn off his mic. Halfway up the aisle she's stopped by a little old lady, "Honey, you forgot the coffee!"

[cabinetman]

A few things you don't want to hear on your in flight P.A. system:

1. Ocean crossing flight: "This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices."

2. "Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts."

3. "Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza."

4. "Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!"

5. "Ummmmmm....Sorry......"(silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)...."Uhhhhh....we have to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something....."
.

[luteman]

Mic not turned off: pilot to co-pilot, "Do you know how to fly this thing?"

[Ed62]

I like 'em.

Ed

[alpha]

Mic on: "Did anybody see The Minneapolis Airport back there?"

[Jcrawf]

Over the PA:
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Delta flight 201 to South Bend. We've reached cruising altitude; you're free to remove your seat belts and move around the cabin. You're making aviation history today: this is the first ever fully-automated passenger flight. We have no pilot, no co-pilot, no flight engineer. Everything is being done by computer. Not to worry -- the system has been tested hundreds of times and nothing can go wrong ... go wrong . . . go wrong . . .

[BobSch]

Yeah, but I'll bet the computer can find Minneapolis on the first try.

[Uncle Cracker]

Yeah, but I'll bet the computer can find Minneapolis on the first try.

But why would it want to?

[BobSch]

But why would it want to?

Because it likes the byte of our weather a bit, of course.

[LCHIEN]

Blonde asked her husband what the propellor on the front of the airplace was for.

He replied, it keeps the pilot cool.

She said, how do you know that?

He said, when it stops turning, the pilot starts to sweat.

[L. D. Jeffries]

You know you should have stayed home when you see a person in an airline uniform in the cockpit with a book titled; "Learn to fly in 10 easy steps".