Some oldies, some new. Oh, and you'll note both left and right Tin Snips listed. No political bias here. 
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer today is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive boat parts not far from the object we are trying to "adjust". Available in a variety of sizes, typically chosen based on the amount of time you have already wasted attempting to "solve a problem". Available with a head made of steel, plastic, brass or hard rubber. As a side note, only the steel head has a practical use, no logical use for the other materials has ever been discovered. Some models equipped with the fly away head option. AKA "Ford Wrench", "BFH", "Wound Inflicting Hammer"
RAZOR KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing boat covers and bimini tops.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until the operator dies of old age. Some larger models are capable of turning the user's wrist in amazing directions never before imagined, just as the bit starts to break through the material being drilled.
SLIP-JOINTED PLIERS: Primarily used to round the heads off of bolts. The joint slips and only grips items slightly larger then what you were originally trying to grip. Most have an area to cut wire at the base of the jaws. The "cutter" is good for squishing and mutilating wire where you would have liked to cut it.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the garage, splattering it on the Bud Girls poster above the bench grinder.
BENCH GRINDER: This device is equipped with a wire wheel on one end and a grinding wheel on the other. The wire wheel is used to clean debris off of old bolts, then throw them somewhere beneath the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned calluses in about the time it takes to say "DragBoat". The grinding wheel is used primarily for starting small surprise fires. Also has the ability to transport great distances the object being worked on.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering the boat trailer back to the ground after you’ve installed those new low profile tires, trapping the jack handle firmly beneath the chrome fender.
EIGHT-FOOT 2X4: Used for levering a trailer upward off a hydraulic jack.
TWEEZERS: a tool used for removing 2x4 wood splinters from your hand.
TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your brother-in-law to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. Also useful for canceling dinner reservations you and the wife had and ordering pizza delivery when the "three hour job" begun in the morning has now moved into the evening.
GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; but mainly for scraping dog doo off shoes.
E-Z OUT BOLT & STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in broken bolts or studs and is ten times harder then any known drill bit.
TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument used for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.
TWO-TON OVERHEAD HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground cables, fuel lines and electrical connectors you may have forgotten to disconnect.
½" X 16" SCREWDRIVER: A larger motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined flat tip on the end without the handle.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a boat battery to your pants and the inside of your toolbox, after determining that your battery is indeed dead, just as you thought.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. Transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE GRIPS: Used to round the heads off bolts. If nothing else is available, they can be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
RATCHET: Bolt removal tool typically equipped with a breakaway pop-top. This tool can also double as a hammer. Used with sockets that automatically fall off when near the bolt to be removed. Sockets typically fall off and hide like critters. Changing direction requires a deft touch and a smart rap on a hard surface; it might hold, then again it might not... not recommended for those with high blood pressure.
TIN SNIPS: From the same family as the hacksaw. Available in right- and left-handed models, but neither will go where you want without religious training. Perfect for ruining light-weight steel, copper, aluminum, brass, etc.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin, which is otherwise not found under engine hatches at night. Health benefits aside, it’s main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that the 105-mm Howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark then light, its name is somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of containers and splash the contents onto clothing. Doubles as a center punch, can also be used as the name implies, to round out Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes the energy produced by a power plant 100 miles away and transforms it into compressed air which travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that then grips rusty trailer bolts last tightened 10 years ago by someone in Missouri, and rounds them off.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer today is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive boat parts not far from the object we are trying to "adjust". Available in a variety of sizes, typically chosen based on the amount of time you have already wasted attempting to "solve a problem". Available with a head made of steel, plastic, brass or hard rubber. As a side note, only the steel head has a practical use, no logical use for the other materials has ever been discovered. Some models equipped with the fly away head option. AKA "Ford Wrench", "BFH", "Wound Inflicting Hammer"
RAZOR KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing boat covers and bimini tops.
ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Used for spinning steel pop rivets in their holes until the operator dies of old age. Some larger models are capable of turning the user's wrist in amazing directions never before imagined, just as the bit starts to break through the material being drilled.
SLIP-JOINTED PLIERS: Primarily used to round the heads off of bolts. The joint slips and only grips items slightly larger then what you were originally trying to grip. Most have an area to cut wire at the base of the jaws. The "cutter" is good for squishing and mutilating wire where you would have liked to cut it.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the garage, splattering it on the Bud Girls poster above the bench grinder.
BENCH GRINDER: This device is equipped with a wire wheel on one end and a grinding wheel on the other. The wire wheel is used to clean debris off of old bolts, then throw them somewhere beneath the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned calluses in about the time it takes to say "DragBoat". The grinding wheel is used primarily for starting small surprise fires. Also has the ability to transport great distances the object being worked on.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering the boat trailer back to the ground after you’ve installed those new low profile tires, trapping the jack handle firmly beneath the chrome fender.
EIGHT-FOOT 2X4: Used for levering a trailer upward off a hydraulic jack.
TWEEZERS: a tool used for removing 2x4 wood splinters from your hand.
TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your brother-in-law to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack. Also useful for canceling dinner reservations you and the wife had and ordering pizza delivery when the "three hour job" begun in the morning has now moved into the evening.
GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; but mainly for scraping dog doo off shoes.
E-Z OUT BOLT & STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in broken bolts or studs and is ten times harder then any known drill bit.
TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument used for illuminating grease buildup on crankshaft pulleys.
TWO-TON OVERHEAD HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground cables, fuel lines and electrical connectors you may have forgotten to disconnect.
½" X 16" SCREWDRIVER: A larger motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined flat tip on the end without the handle.
BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a boat battery to your pants and the inside of your toolbox, after determining that your battery is indeed dead, just as you thought.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. Transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE GRIPS: Used to round the heads off bolts. If nothing else is available, they can be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
RATCHET: Bolt removal tool typically equipped with a breakaway pop-top. This tool can also double as a hammer. Used with sockets that automatically fall off when near the bolt to be removed. Sockets typically fall off and hide like critters. Changing direction requires a deft touch and a smart rap on a hard surface; it might hold, then again it might not... not recommended for those with high blood pressure.
TIN SNIPS: From the same family as the hacksaw. Available in right- and left-handed models, but neither will go where you want without religious training. Perfect for ruining light-weight steel, copper, aluminum, brass, etc.
TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, the sunshine vitamin, which is otherwise not found under engine hatches at night. Health benefits aside, it’s main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that the 105-mm Howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark then light, its name is somewhat misleading.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of containers and splash the contents onto clothing. Doubles as a center punch, can also be used as the name implies, to round out Phillips screw heads.
AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes the energy produced by a power plant 100 miles away and transforms it into compressed air which travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that then grips rusty trailer bolts last tightened 10 years ago by someone in Missouri, and rounds them off.
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