I posted the other thread asking info about divorce processes; this is just a ramble / vent springing from that same case.
This Young Lady (YL) has been married for 8 years; teaches dancing to a pretty large number of school-age girls (around 80 girls), and has an amazing choreography and music skills. Then she is great in organizing, making herself heard, etc. Teacher and Manager, so to say. Along the way she has formed a strong friendship with LOML.
Now we are shocked to know that she has always had an abusive husband. Nobody would have suspected anything. I have met him, and found him very suave, if a bit too smooth (no, that's not an afterthought now; I was always uncomfortable with the extremely polite style of talk from him). And she seemed a very dominant lady fully in control of her life.
Now we know - YL has no money of her own, other than hand-outs from him; her only bank account is joint. her name does not appear on any utility bills, credit cards etc. she does not even have a 'supplement' credit card. (I do believe the mortgage should include her name as it's the law). When she returns from a grocery run she has to give him an explanation of whatever she bought
! She was not 'allowed' to talk to her parents or even her brother who lives locally. And he never allowed her to get a regular job, though she is highly educated - has a masters in micro-biology. They got married while she was in college.
But the real shocker is the physical abuse. This came out some time ago when LOML noticed her holding a stiff stance, and found a huge bruise on her back. That was for returning late from a dance class, as much as she could recall. What a Pandora's box, her revelations turned out to be!
When YL said very casually to me, "... early on, he'd push my head under the faucet for not following instructions (as in, cooking differently, or calling her mom against his express orders)...", I could have gagged. I tried my best to impress on her the seriousness of all that; I think she has agreed that the next time he hits her she's gonna call the cops. but then, she's lived with it so long that she's gotten to think the cops are gonna side with him
.
I can't believe I have shook hands with him all this while.
The good thing is, she's finally sure that she's better off out of it, and he's never gonna be a 'better man' as he has always promised her. We hope we can help her out in all this.
This Young Lady (YL) has been married for 8 years; teaches dancing to a pretty large number of school-age girls (around 80 girls), and has an amazing choreography and music skills. Then she is great in organizing, making herself heard, etc. Teacher and Manager, so to say. Along the way she has formed a strong friendship with LOML.
Now we are shocked to know that she has always had an abusive husband. Nobody would have suspected anything. I have met him, and found him very suave, if a bit too smooth (no, that's not an afterthought now; I was always uncomfortable with the extremely polite style of talk from him). And she seemed a very dominant lady fully in control of her life.
Now we know - YL has no money of her own, other than hand-outs from him; her only bank account is joint. her name does not appear on any utility bills, credit cards etc. she does not even have a 'supplement' credit card. (I do believe the mortgage should include her name as it's the law). When she returns from a grocery run she has to give him an explanation of whatever she bought
! She was not 'allowed' to talk to her parents or even her brother who lives locally. And he never allowed her to get a regular job, though she is highly educated - has a masters in micro-biology. They got married while she was in college. But the real shocker is the physical abuse. This came out some time ago when LOML noticed her holding a stiff stance, and found a huge bruise on her back. That was for returning late from a dance class, as much as she could recall. What a Pandora's box, her revelations turned out to be!
When YL said very casually to me, "... early on, he'd push my head under the faucet for not following instructions (as in, cooking differently, or calling her mom against his express orders)...", I could have gagged. I tried my best to impress on her the seriousness of all that; I think she has agreed that the next time he hits her she's gonna call the cops. but then, she's lived with it so long that she's gotten to think the cops are gonna side with him
.I can't believe I have shook hands with him all this while.
The good thing is, she's finally sure that she's better off out of it, and he's never gonna be a 'better man' as he has always promised her. We hope we can help her out in all this.
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