Divorce questions (FL)

[radhak]

This for a friend of LOML.

They are childless, married for 8 years. He lost his job 2 months ago, she has a steady but not-too-big a salary. A large mortgage and two fairly expensive car loans.

They have mutually agreed to divorce (actually festering for a couple of years) - so what is the cheapest/quickest way for them? Do they still need to go thru attorneys? Is there a DIY path? Does she need to be wary of anything he can spring on her later, as in 'support/alimony' just because he does not have a job? Or can she cover that in the paperwork/agreement?

She does not see herself being able to carry that mortgage on her own, so I am guessing a short sale, if not an outright 'walk away'. I personally think she might have to get rid of her BMW too. IIRC, the mortgage is in his name, and the bmw is both names. Will all this need to be covered in the divorce agreement?

As you can tell, I have very little personal experience with this - I'm just collecting facts.

[crokett]

They need an attorney. Or rather they need two attorneys. They might could do a DIY divorce, but the problem is there will almost certainly be loopholes that a good attorney could exploit later if either partner changed their mind.

[jackellis]

I agree that they need two attorneys. However assuming there's property of any kind to divide, here's what I would suggest. They should attempt to agree on a division before they meet with their respective lawyers so that money doesn't get burned up arguing over who gets what. Then, they should have their attorneys ask them questions about what the agreement they came up with themselves really means. Legal agreements hit the rocks when folks don't say what they mean and mean what they say. Example: When my brother and wife #2 split, their divorce decree stated that she got some of his pension upon his retirement. Because he died before he retired, she got nothing.

If this couple uses the attorney's to batter one another, all of their money will go to lawyers. Bad scene.

[cabinetman]

Don't know if I'm an expert, as I've only had two Florida divorces. Florida is a "No Fault" state, and a dissolution of marriage can be very easy, and very fast. I would recommend each party get representation by an attorney, just to get everything in writing, and touch all bases. If both parties agree on the terms, it's like falling off a log...just more expensive.

Here is a good site with some details.
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[Uncle Cracker]

The key is agreement. If both parties are in agreement on all issues, a single lawyer can do the necessary paperwork. Mine was quick and clean. If there are minor children and support issues, or a jointly-held business, better to have a lawyer for each, however, as issues down the road may come back to haunt. What costs the most is contention, with the resulting negotiations/posturing/hearings/depositions really chewing up the funds. Substantial assets and other monetary considerations at stake also seem to give attorneys a sense of entitlement and incentive to line their own pockets at your expense.

[MikeMcCoy]

Since this marriage has been going on the rocks for awhile, attorneys probably would be wise. That being said, Florida has some very good self help document programs that don't leave a lot of holes.

http://www.flcourts.org/gen_public/f...es/index.shtml

[dbhost]

I don't know about Florida, but I have been through a DIY divorce with property division. Texas at least, requires at least a mediator, and a neutral attorney. (Yeah right) to draft the paperwork. Neither my ex, nor I can really go back later on and hack anything back up unless there was a gross misrepresentation of the facts such as failure to disclose major holdings. (Such as my exes investments which are now more than worthless).

Basically I got the house (then $40K in equity) and she got an equal amount in 401K investments. She got the car, I got the pickup that sort of thing...

If both of them are pretty reasonable, or at least reasonable enough to want to get away from each other without much fuss, this can go through with a minimum of financial damage...

To be blunt, psychological damage will most likely be done to both of them in the process... I know for a fact I don't trust people, particularly women, like I once did.

[Uncle Cracker]

To be blunt, psychological damage will most likely be done to both of them in the process... I know for a fact I don't trust people, particularly women, like I once did.

Some might say that's not damage, but wisdom... People who would do you harm come in all shapes, sizes and genders...

[cabinetman]

I know for a fact I don't trust people, particularly women, like I once did.

If there is contention, no matter how well you know your spouse, it will be a revelation once you get to court. I would suggest not to make or do any inordinate transactions with property or finances prior to working out the details.

If you didn't see the movies War of the Roses , or Divorce - American Style they are a must see for anyone contemplating a divorce, as they are informative, funny, and tragic.
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[germdoc]

I am probably not an objective observer, but I would avoid legal wrangling at all costs. If I had it to do over again, I would push STBES to agree on outlines of an agreement and go with a single attorney to process paperwork. Once lawyers start disagreeing, or if one partner/lawyer doesn't want to agree to a settlement, it will deteriorate into an expensive legal mess. DAMHIKT.

[radhak]

An update - just now she gets back home from shopping and finds him at the door. He says he won't let her in, not even to pick up her stuff. Says she can pick her stuff when the divorce is finalized.

She called me for advice, and I didn't have much - I told her to call the cops, though I'm unsure how much they can/would help ...

Methinks that 'uncontested' divorce is fast disappearing as an option.

[pelligrini]

Yep, call the cops. She needs a paper trail too.

After reading the abuse thread 'uncontested' was probably the guy getting everything he wants.

[MikeMcCoy]

I retract anything I said about DIY divorce. This young lady needed a lawyer yesterday.

[radhak]

Yep, call the cops. She needs a paper trail too.

After reading the abuse thread 'uncontested' was probably the guy getting everything he wants.

And that was how I guessed it would play out. But she wanted to get a fresh start so much that she wanted to take the quickest path.

In real terms it's not much : the mortgage is under water and he's without a job. But it's been her home for so long, and he's going to twist her sentiments as much as he can. And by denying her access to her own home, he's sorta striking at her sense of identity.

Her brother has reached her now, and the are visiting the local sheriff's office right now. I wonder if she could get a restraining order on him and thus eject him from the home instead !