&%#@#*$% @#&*?#

[cabinetman]

I made a post in the "Projects" section and it reminded me of one of my PSA's. If you don't know what a PSA is, it's a form of division of things that may or may not matter to a person. But in reality it can be a dagger that can provide a feeling of getting even.

I've divorced twice and although not an expert on PSA's can tell you that the list in itself will tell what the marriage was really all about, right down to towels. The Property Settlement Agreement for my first divorce was a very cut and dry division (thanks to her). Sold the house...she got half. For the rest, her list, petty...by all means. I got the speakers, she got the receiver. I got the tape deck, she got the turntable. Get the picture.

My second divorce was a bit different. I got the lumps, she got the lump sum. I had set her up in a jewelry making and repair business. I agreed to buy back all of the equipment, which included a beautiful jewelers bench I made for her. I would have really liked to have kept that piece of furniture. I wound up selling everything to a gunsmith for cash and an M16-A1.

Good thing I didn't keep the bench. I doubt the LOML now would let it stay. I had carved wife #2's name in the face of the drawer front. How did your divorce(s) go?
.

[Uncle Cracker]

How did your divorce(s) go?

Simple. I gave her everything and walked away clean.

[bruce hylton]

My first one was simple, she gave me everything that had money owed on it, took the rest and left. Six weeks later she brought my son back and left again. Been a faily good relationship every since with just a few hiccup's. Second wife took kids, clothes, and everything that was movable by a moving crew, left nothing except the bills and I mean nothing. I had to buy everything again starting right then. Her boy friend got his legs broke at a bar a couple months later and she blamed me. I hunted down the guy who did it, corrected her opinion of my character and then gave him a few dollars for making me feel good even if I didn't know what was going on ahead of time. Beside which the guy he did it for didn't pay him enough. I wouldn't have done that, but I could never catch up with them to do what I wanted. She died of an overdose 10 years later and I got my time to try to work things out with my children. I would have owed less chid support, been out of prison, and a better person by at least 3 years if I had listened to my friends. At least I have lived long enough to make some things right with the members of my family that wanted to believe in her. If #3 decides to go, she just has to take all the stuff we have accumulated, or better yet just have an auction.

[SARGE..g-47]

The first two.. I gave them everything period. The reason I am on the third house full of furniture. I did get the cracked coffee cup and teak paper towel holder in II but I highly suspect the towel holder is para-wood or Indonesian rubber tree. But... I can cofirm the coffee cup was cracked. ha.. ha... ha..ha..ha..

[jackellis]

I'm on wife number 1. We lived together for 18 years before we tied the knot. Her only fault is that she's a pack rat. My faults are too numerous to list, but we get along well and won't split up.

My middle brother was married and divorced twice. Both breakups were relatively amiable, although his wives got most of the family possessions at the time of the split. When wife number 2 left for a heart surgeon she had worked for years earlier, she signed a divorce decree that entitled her to half of my brother's pension when he retired, except that he won't ever retire because he passed away first (colon cancer).

My brother helped raise the second wife's two boys from the time they were 7 and 5 and for all intents and purposes, he considered them his kids. They were grown men when he died and they were devastated by his illness and death. But they were the beneficiaries of his six figure estate - mostly retirement savings. The second wife got bupkis (Yiddish for goat ****).

My youngest brother is still married to the same woman after 22+ years. He proposed and she accepted three days after they met, and they're clearly very happy together in spite of the fact that my brother can be as difficult to live with as I am at times.

My parents split up when I was very young, and hearing about any divorce is still quite painful, even when it involves people I don't know. I've seen men and women hold terrible grudges and attempt to ruin their former spouses' lives any way they can. It's a complete waste of time and energy when there are so many more productive ways to spend your life.

[Rand]

I have never married. My older brother (by 13 years) has been married and divorced 4 times!

I figure instead of getting married I'll just find some ***** I can't stand and buy her a house.

[gsmittle]

So, this thread is a PSA (Public Service Announcement) about PSA's…

g.

[Pappy]

Working on 36 with the first one. SWMBO says if we split up I don't even get to pick the pair of my underwear I get to keep.

[crokett]

Almost 6 years here but I am pretty sure we are never getting divorced, even if I ever wanted to. My wife never gives up on anything.

[germdoc]

PSA--doesn't that mean prostate specific antigen--a test for prostate cancer?

In any event we're talking about the same part of the anatomy that's involved...

To make a long story short, for 4-5 months after ex-wife left me and we filed for divorce, we had a tentative plan for division of assets, support, etc. Then she abruptly fired her attorney. New attorney started nitpicking about everything, insisting on appraisals (including my tools--worth $3000--haha), job evals for ex-wife, etc. etc. The bills started mounting. He kept pushing ex to reject any reasonable settlement offers, and finally we went to court.

I would not advise this for anyone, BTW. About as much fun as a cancer diagnosis. Cost a LOT of money. The law in this state is pretty cut and dry and doesn't allow for a lot of leeway no matter who did what to whom, who has custody, etc.

Lest I sound bitter, on the positive side I have the kids. They know who is buying their clothes and cooking dinner for them and driving them to music lessons and helping to send them to college. I don't feud with ex--life's too short. In fact, it's much better not having to deal with the disagreements that would crop up for no discernible reason.

And my current girlfriend is younger, better looking, and earns more than her boyfriend...happiness is the best revenge!

[jackellis]

When my wife and I bought our home and started living in sin ...er together, I suggested we have an agreement drawn up for dividing the property if we decided to part company. My reasoning at the time was that it would protect both of us and it would be easier to negotiate fair terms while we agreed than to fight about terms later.

Not a very romantic or idealistic thing to do, but pragmatic and in my opinion, every couple should do it. Much much cheaper than hiring a lawyer later and it forces both parties to think about more than night-time fun.

[Alex Franke]

How did your divorce(s) go?

Hopefully this question will never apply to me...

In any case, we run the family (and each kid) like a business and each has its own accounts (savings and expenses). They were seeded with gift money (from the wedding or births), they each get a proportional cut of any income, and each pays all related expenses (e.g. family = house, food, clothing budget, even some tools; kids = mainly education, but other stuff, too).

Things bought from personal accounts (as opposed to the family account) may be treated like family property, but belongs 100% to that person. Things bought from the family account belong 50/50. We don't need approval to buy things from personal accounts, but both of us need to agree on purchases over a certain amount that come out of the family account, and its budget.

Each entity has its own investments, and even its own investment strategy and goals. The kids can afford to be higher risk for example, but the family account supports a low risk emergency fund for the entire family.

I think this makes it pretty clear if (God forbid) we ever have to decide who rightfully owns what. Of course, we've never gone though that before, so I have no idea what lawyers and judges would say, but at least our intent is clear right now...

[LCHIEN]

... Sold the house...she got half. For the rest, her list, petty...by all means. I got the speakers, she got the receiver. I got the tape deck, she got the turntable. Get the picture.

....

thank goodness she didn't get the left speaker, you got the right speaker...

[cwsmith]

Interesting!

Maybe that was the one thing that I did right. Only one wife... for 42 years now.

When I decided to marry this girl, we had known each other for about four years. I worked with her for a couple of years (but I don't date anyone that I work with), were friends with her for a year after I quit work to go to school, and then we dated for a year. We don't always agree, and at times we really get angry with one another. But we always argue it out, settle down, and come to our senses.

Perhaps its the agreement that we've had from day one. We're partners. As such we share our thoughts (even when they're possibly destructive) and make ALL decisions together as partners. In the beginning we discussed finances and decided that regardless of living conditions, we would live only on what I made. We would save whatever SHE made. Neither of us spend, unless both of us agree and we both have our agreed-upon allowances.

When we decided to have a child, it was no surprise for either of us and we then decided that it was best if she stayed home and become a full-time mother and homemaker. When our son graduated from Cornell, neither of us saw a need to change our daily routine. I appreciated her being home and except when business required otherwise, I always walked home to have lunch with her. I always enjoyed seeing her and my son during the day and after he grew up, I wanted to keep that. If she felt she wanted to get a job, that wouuld have been fine I suppose, but I think we both saw too much misery where husband and wife preferred the workplace more than the home.

Beyond that, we share certain interests and we have our own independant interests. Life's fairly good that way and for both of us, "home" is a sanctuary away from all the other troubles in life and to that end we respect our agreement and each other.

During disagreeable times I've thought maybe I've made a mistake, and sometimes the grass looks greener too... but then I remember something that I read once: "Love is just a state of mind." As such, when the mind thinks the relationship sucks.... well, just like the weather, I figure those thoughts will change to the better, if I give it the time and the space.

So, only one wife so far and I figure that's not going to change.

CWS

[Ed62]

PSA--doesn't that mean prostate specific antigen--a test for prostate cancer?

In any event we're talking about the same part of the anatomy that's involved...

I'm glad I still with my first wife.

Ed