Abandonment

[cgallery]

There was just a social worker on the radio talking about the kids that have been dropped-off under safe haven laws at Immanuel hospital in Omaha.

She spoke briefly of the reaction of the kids. Some of them didn't realize what was going on until the very last minute. Some begged their parents not to leave them, insisting that they would "be good."

I realize a large percentage of the kids are what people would call "special needs" these days. I'm not judging the parents that have decided this is the only viable option available to them.

But the trauma induced on the kids must forever change them.

The reporter said that of the eight older children left with the social worker in the last year (I think), three returned home, and five became wards of the state.

[dbhost]

I thought safe haven laws were only to provide an out for the mothers of newborns so that they don't dump their babies in dumpsters or behind the 7-11 or whatnot. I had no idea this was permitted in any way, shape, or form with children over 30 days old.

The damage such a thing would do to an older child is unspeakable. And since I am not wanting to violate the keep the politics out of it rule of this site, I am just going to leave it at that. But to say the least, this sort of thing makes me ANGRY.

FWIW, LOML and I want to be parents and aren't there yet...

[Ed62]

I thought safe haven laws were only to provide an out for the mothers of newborns so that they don't dump their babies in dumpsters or behind the 7-11 or whatnot. I had no idea this was permitted in any way, shape, or form with children over 30 days old.

The damage such a thing would do to an older child is unspeakable. And since I am not wanting to violate the keep the politics out of it rule of this site, I am just going to leave it at that. But to say the least, this sort of thing makes me ANGRY.

FWIW, LOML and I want to be parents and aren't there yet...

Well said. If for some reason, you're not able to have any, I'd suggest you consider adoption. One of my daughters and her husband did that, and they're beginning the process of adopting another. It's a win - win situation if handled properly.

Ed

[OpaDC]

As bad as this may seem, some of these kids may be the lucky ones, regardless of age. I used to work with the Child Abuse office as a computer tech, (not a case worker or I would be in jail now). I never knew parents could be so cruel to their children. A relatively mild case was when the parents tied their six year old child to a tree overnight as punishment for bed wetting. A neighbor heard the child crying and called the police. Yes they are going to need lots of help to get over what has happened to them and it is horrible, but like I said, maybe the ones turned over are the lucky ones

[dbhost]

As bad as this may seem, some of these kids may be the lucky ones, regardless of age. I used to work with the Child Abuse office as a computer tech, (not a case worker or I would be in jail now). I never knew parents could be so cruel to their children. A relatively mild case was when the parents tied their six year old child to a tree overnight as punishment for bed wetting. A neighbor heard the child crying and called the police. Yes they are going to need lots of help to get over what has happened to them and it is horrible, but like I said, maybe the ones turned over are the lucky ones

I can't help but agree with you there. Still the very idea of what some folks to do their children makes me madder that the guy set up on a blind date with Janet Reno... (Sorry, It's been a VERY long day, I think I am channeling Larry The Cable Guy now...)

[182much]

I wonder if the gentleman standing guard at the "Pearly Gate" will buy their excuse

[LinuxRandal]

I read an article about Iowa's abandonment rule, while the idea behind it is mostly for the newborns, unwed mothers, teenage mother, scenario, the law is written (there) in such a way that UP TO 19 years old, can be dropped off.
The article dealt with a case where a family from Nebraska dropped off a 14 year old kid (it didn't go into any reasons). While they were not in trouble under Iowa's law, they were looking at being charged under Nebraska law.

This is not a one side or the other thing. I know of a case where a grandfather was raising a teenager after his parents died. The kid kept beating the grandfather up (don't know the kids mental status), but he called Child services, after overhearing and following what others would do. This law can and is a good thing for abuse, neglect, can't support (in that case please try your family first), etc. But like anything, it can and will be abused.

[docrowan]

I've never looked in to it, but I've heard it is very expensive to adopt a child in the US - in the range of $30,000. That is part of the reason so many adopt from China and now Russia. Adoption from there is only around $15,000 and that includes all the semi-official payola.

The other big reason I've heard cited by those who adopt from overseas is that here in America the birth parents can at some point in the future claim the child or at least file suit for the child. Most of the children adopted from China were abandoned and it would extremely difficult for the birth parents to track the child down.

If my facts are correct, it seems to me that the US needs some reform and streamlining in our adoption laws and rules.

[DaveS]

Generally speaking, the cost of adoption is about the same domestically, as it is internationally - however, international adoption amounts cited often include charges for last minute travel and "government service fees" (i.e. bribes).

Also, I believe there are federal tax credits for domestic adoption.

I think the main reason people adopt internationally is because domestic infants have a really long waiting list, and as such, the approval requirements are a bit stricter.

If you want an older child or are willing to take a special needs child, you can get one almost as soon as you are approved. Adoption of these children is usually subsidized in some way, and as such are free or cheap (relatively).

The main reason we wanted to adopt from China was because of the reason they have so many infants available to adopt (google it, if you really want to know, but you don't really want to know).

Finally, here is me thanking God that my path in life has not required me to make a decision about surrendering my children.

[Tom Slick]

unfortunately it might be the best thing that could happen to those kids. think about how messed up they'd be if they were abused at home until they moved out on their own, often continuing the abuse cycle.

[bfrikken]

I've never looked in to it, but I've heard it is very expensive to adopt a child in the US - in the range of $30,000. That is part of the reason so many adopt from China and now Russia. Adoption from there is only around $15,000 and that includes all the semi-official payola.

The other big reason I've heard cited by those who adopt from overseas is that here in America the birth parents can at some point in the future claim the child or at least file suit for the child. Most of the children adopted from China were abandoned and it would extremely difficult for the birth parents to track the child down.

If my facts are correct, it seems to me that the US needs some reform and streamlining in our adoption laws and rules.

The price of adoption varies greatly wherever you go. I know first hand. I can tell you only about adopting domestically. It is not expensive. For one thing, you are eligible for a tax credit of up to 10,000 of your expenses. This carries over each year until it is used up.
So, if your adoption was 20,000 then you can apply the 10k credit to your taxes. If your first year tax amounts to say 5700, then you can apply a 4300 tax credit to the following year's taxes.

I can also tell you that you need to shop around agencies. Many people paying 30k domestic are probably people that want things now. I know a few people that have done domestic and they have not approached that number, or really half that number. Add in the tax credit and you can see how money can not be such a barrier afterall. I think the biggest barrier is education of the process. The other unfortunate thing is the agencies out there that are "nonprofit" but make a killing in the cost of the process. They may be "non-profit" but I'm sure their people get paid very well.

If anyone is really interested, contact agencies like Bethany Christian Services and Catholic Social Services. Contact your area child protective services and ask them who you can call. For some, having a kid is easy, it is becoming a parent that is the hard part.