A friend of mine sent this to me. I had to clean it up to pass it on to your folks.
MODS...
If I missed something nasty, please clip that out. I do NOT intend on posting anything off color or foul..
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment
of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
_______________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you (expletive deleted) me?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting (expletive deleted. Rhymes with paid)!
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girl?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
_______________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
___________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_______________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh.... are you qualified to ask that question?
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
No wonder this country's in such a mess.
State legislatures and Congress are grossly overpopulated with lawyers!!!
MODS...
If I missed something nasty, please clip that out. I do NOT intend on posting anything off color or foul..
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment
of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
_______________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you (expletive deleted) me?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh... I was getting (expletive deleted. Rhymes with paid)!
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girl?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
_______________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
___________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_______________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him.
________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh.... are you qualified to ask that question?
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
No wonder this country's in such a mess.
State legislatures and Congress are grossly overpopulated with lawyers!!!
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