"Here's your sign" (Oz style)

[RodKirby]

Some of you may recall - I have an acquaintance (not my choice) that visits about once a month.

I try to avoid letting him anywhere near my Shed but this Saturday he arrived and asked me about stick-on measuring tape:

Q: Do they sell different lengths?
A: (Looking up Woodhaven's catalog) sure 250mm, 500mm, and 1 meter.

Q: I guess US metric wouldn't work here?
A: (coughing fit)

[cabinetman]

Try looking here. They have a pretty good assortment.
.

[Pappy]

Give him one in tenth's of an inch.

[leehljp]

That was good Rod!

I remember you writing about him before!

[JR]

Q: I guess US metric wouldn't work here?
A: (coughing fit)

He has a point. I'm pretty sure Imperial Metric is required in Oz.

JR

[lrogers]

Back in my pipefitting days, myself and another guy were bolting up some pipe on a US Navy LST. One of the sailors came up and asked we had a Cresent wrench he could borrow. Toby said, "I have one, but it's metric". The salior thanked us, said "I need a regular one" and walked off. Toby and I just stared at each for a minute and then I said, "I'll sure sleep better tonight knowing what's protecting our shores"!

[dkerfoot]

Back in my pipefitting days, myself and another guy were bolting up some pipe on a US Navy LST. One of the sailors came up and asked we had a Cresent wrench he could borrow. Toby said, "I have one, but it's metric". The salior thanked us, said "I need a regular one" and walked off. Toby and I just stared at each for a minute and then I said, "I'll sure sleep better tonight knowing what's protecting our shores"!

There are some classics like sending a guy to the engine room for a BT Punch (A BT is Boiler Technician - guys whose knuckles generally scrape the ground when they walk), or having him fetch a bucket of steam, batteries for sound powered phones or posting him on mail buoy watch.

My favorite one ever though was when this really cocky new guy arrived. We had a watch where the more senior guy stayed in the equipment room and would dispatch a less experienced Rover to check out equipment trouble and then call back and get further instructions on what to do. Well, the new guy was the rover for a buddy of mine, when the bridge announced that the "Smoking Lamp Was Out". All that means is that no one is allowed to smoke while transferring weapons, fuel, etc...

My buddy sent the new guy up to the bridge with some light bulbs to "repair the smoking lamp." The Helmsman sent him to the Quartermaster, who sent him to the Navigator, who sent him to the XO who sent him to the Old Man Who hollered at him "Get the **** off my bridge! I don't have time for this ****!"

Needless to say, the new guy was somewhat humbled. At least for an hour or two.


But of course, we in the uniform were always very impressed when it took five shipyard workers 3 hours to connect a five line shore phone box!

[Richard in Smithville]

Our favorite at work was sending the summer students to get the box stretcher. The more departments he travelled before catching on, the better.

I can remember my dad convincing a neighbour( who was seeding his back yard) that he needed to get grass seed that was soaked in whisky. Comes up half cut.

[breedonm]

Funny topic!

Here's one I have used several times with colleagues from southern U.S. whenever they make comments about people from Canada living in a deep freezer etc.
I tell them that when I get home it will soon be time to change the air in my tires, as winter is coming. Everybody here knows you can't drive with summer air in the tires during the winter months!
Gets them everytime.

Mike

[LCHIEN]

The thing I like about crescent "Adjustable" wrenches, is if you ask someone if they need metric or English, you can even show them you don't have their type.
If you look closely, most of them have the length... like 10", written on one side of the handle, and 250 mm written on the other side of the handle. So if he says "I need metric" you show him the side that says 10 inches, if he says he needs English, show him the side that says 250mm

I think most modern ones are like this, I know the Craftsman are.

[gsmittle]

Then there's that Boy Scout Camporee classic: Sending a Tenderfoot to a troop on the other side of the campground for a left-handed smoke shifter.... (It keeps the snipe away.)

g.

[Turaj]

...
Q: I guess US metric wouldn't work here?

NO, but the Canadian Metric will work! (Make sure to get an english version not French)

[Richard in Smithville]

One I just remembered. A local radio station had a public announcement a couple of years ago on April first. They said that the phone company was spring cleaning the phone lines by blowing out the dust that accumulated over the winter. Thay warned everyone to put their phones in a plastic bag in case dust blew out of the receiver. A guy I was car pooling with was very upset. All the way to work he was going to call the phone company to complain if he found his house full of dust!

[TB Roye]

Rod

Since you are Down Under, next time turn the catalogue upside down.

How about a left handed monkey wrench, of a 10ft peice of shorline to tie up the sail. Oh yes the good old snipes from Boy Scouts. They now reside in my planner. When I first worked on the Equipping Line for the CHP we usde to ask our Supervisor for purple wire with the large yellow stripe instead of the yellow wire with the purple stripe, poor guy would go looking for it and never find it. He was really a nice guy and worked hard but when you are on a production line you get bored. Bad thing was I took his place and then I caught it.

Tom

[BobSch]

How about a left handed monkey wrench...

Don't laugh, there are specialty tool catalogs that have left-handed adjustable wrenches.They're threaded the opposire way so when you hold them in the left hand and push the screw away from you the jaws close instead of opening like a "normal" wrench would.