Statutory rape

[radhak]

This thread, and the other one, has mostly been about why there is a magic birthday. If your kid, under your no drinking ever no-way rule, reaches the age at which he can legally get and use alcohol, he won't be educated in its proper use. That seems a recipe for trouble.

JR

I have not read most of the thread; was just curious to see why this is growing as much...but your argument is difficult to swallow. By giving a head-start to your kids' 'education', you are only downplaying to them the importance of abiding by the law. I'd think emphasizing why that particular law was formulated (under-developed physiology and drinking : bad combination) would be a more important education. And if you wanted, you could have alcohol served for his/her 'grown up' birthday. 'Preparing' them before it's legal is not good idea, whether for drinking, sex ( ), or driving.

And that holds even if you have strong opinion about the law : you might feel 18 is more appropriate for drinking, but it still is illegal. Actually, you should go all ahead and share that with the kids : "Look, I agree it's a weird law, and others might be flouting it, but I don't want you in jail or with a record, so just hold on".

[Alex Franke]

...but your argument is difficult to swallow. By giving a head-start to your kids' 'education', you are only downplaying to them the importance of abiding by the law. I'd think emphasizing why that particular law was formulated (under-developed physiology and drinking : bad combination) would be a more important education...

...And that holds even if you have strong opinion about the law : you might feel 18 is more appropriate for drinking, but it still is illegal....

I don't think anyone is arguing this -- it's more a discussion of why the law is the way it is, or what the spirit of the law is. (Couldn't resist the pun. ) Besides, I'm pretty sure the United States stands pretty much alone in the world on it's drinking age laws -- I think most countries legalize drinking at age 16-18. What's more, I've read that even if a student is studying in a more tolerant country, he is still prohibited (by US law) from drinking while under the age of 21.

As to why the law was formuated, I think it's more idological than scientific. I'm no physician, but I don't think most late teens are under developed physiologically. (Again, if the government considers then fit for military service, then they're probably not considered under developed.) Plus I've read a lot of cases where moderate drinking is actually found to make a person healthier than not drinking at all.

And quite recently I read an article on a study from the U.K. that suggested that drinking responsibly at home can reduce the chances that a child will drink irresponsibly later in life.

...I'll have to look for that article...

[Alex Franke]

Here's the article I referred to in my previous post: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6645651.stm

[prlundberg]

So you would rather them drink outside your home, where they can then drive and get killed? Or get in the car with someone else who shouldn't be driving in order to get home? (like a very close buddy of mine did in HS, three dead and one needing major reconstructive surgery)

One way or another they are going to do what they are going to do. You can either get the news up front from them, or from the police afterwards. Don't know about you, but I'd prefer to here "we're going to drink a beer and watch a movie" rather than "Sir, your daughter was in an accident, she didn't make it. We believe she was intoxicated while driving home"

Are you saying that all drugs should be controlled? Heck Advil can cause kidney problems if you take too many of them. Make them a controlled substance. Kids get high off of canned air and model glue, both of which can kill you very quicky, and can be just as adictive. Yet they sell them to kids everyday.

Luckily I don't have to worry about this anymore. My daughter is 24 and out on her own. I'll pipe down since this can't really go anywhere.

Well, look at it this way. If I found out my son was drinking at your house and you were fully aware and condoning it, I would press as many charges as I could.

Now, if all the parents agree to it, I could really care less, so long as things are kept responsible and reasonable.

I see what you are saying but when you involve other people's kids you are crossing a line.

[ragswl4]

I have not read most of the thread; was just curious to see why this is growing as much...but your argument is difficult to swallow. By giving a head-start to your kids' 'education', you are only downplaying to them the importance of abiding by the law. I'd think emphasizing why that particular law was formulated (under-developed physiology and drinking : bad combination) would be a more important education. And if you wanted, you could have alcohol served for his/her 'grown up' birthday. 'Preparing' them before it's legal is not good idea, whether for drinking, sex ( ), or driving.

And that holds even if you have strong opinion about the law : you might feel 18 is more appropriate for drinking, but it still is illegal. Actually, you should go all ahead and share that with the kids : "Look, I agree it's a weird law, and others might be flouting it, but I don't want you in jail or with a record, so just hold on".

I would agree with you. I think it is more important to teach children that obeying the law, even if you don't like it, is more important than:

1. Drinking under age because everyone else is.
2. Allowing them to drink underage at home, sends the wrong signal.
3. Leads to other behaviors that are against the law, but heck I get to drink at home so think I'll have a joint as well.

For me it was simple. As my two daughters grew up they knew what was allowed and what was not. I made it very clear that their mother and I would not tolerate underage drinking, smoking or sex. The carrot that was offered was a college education paid for by us. We made sure that they understood that breaking our rules meant that our financial support would be withdraw for their college education. We also made sure that they understood the ramifications of drinking, doing drugs and getting pregnant. All are life changing events that cannot be undone.

I was very gratified when, after both of my daughters had graduated from college that they came to visit me one weekend. We started talking about their childhood and I told them that I was so very proud of them for the way they had never caused me any major problems. My oldest said, "are you kidding, we were scared to death of what you might do if we did something seriously wrong". I said it was worth it and both of them told me that were so glad I had been so stern as they saw some of their friends ruin their lives with drugs, alcohol and unwanted pregnancies.

By the way, I never laid a hand on either one of my daughters. Its easy to let them have a beer at home or smoke a joint or stay out all hours of the night, but its far better to guide them down the path of life, obeying the laws and rules along the way. As parents its our job to teach our children right from wrong and to protect them from themselves and the "everybody else if doing it syndrome". They will be better for it.

[gwyneth]

The problem with allowing your child to "drink safely at home" - you do not know if they will limit it to home; you do not know if they will get hooked (some do, fast); you can not be certain you are not encouraging life long addiction.

If there's one thing we know about most adolescents, it's that they are not capable of discerning shades of gray, of seeing nuances, etc.

One of the really unfortunate consequences of upping the "don't drive drunk" volume over the past decade or so is that a huge number of college students have internalized that as, ok to be drunk as long as you don't drive.

In the process of rebuilding my mom's frat house, it was obvious that those students and their classmates drank far, far more than the norm in the early 70s, when I was in college.

At least one of them was used to drinking so much he'd wet the bed after passing out. I'm not sheltered, but I'd never encountered that level of consumption.

My co-contractor asked one of the guys how much beer he and his friends would drink on a moderate night. I forget the exact answer but it was something like, well, for really light drinkers we'd get a couple of six-packs per guy, but the usual way we figure it is a case per guy.

While it's great that the message about not driving drunk seems to be having some effect, there will be tragic consequences from teens interpreting it as, "As long as you don't drive..."