Growing Old
I must be growing old Myself as I can't remember if I posted this before. It's still a good-un. Bill
1.) Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She
responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
2.) Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think
is
the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply
replied,
"No peer pressure."
3.) The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
eggs.
4.) I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes . I'm half blind, can't
hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that
make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have
poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't
remember
if
I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have
my
driver's license.
5.) I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided
to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
jumped
up
and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
leotards
on,
the class was over.
6.) An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher
she
had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
twice
a
week "
7.) My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
as
sharp as it used to be.
8.) Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
9.) It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
coffeemaker.
10.) These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For
fast
relief."
11.) Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow
old
because you stop laughing.
1.) Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She
responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
2.) Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think
is
the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply
replied,
"No peer pressure."
3.) The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
eggs.
4.) I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes . I'm half blind, can't
hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that
make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have
poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't
remember
if
I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have
my
driver's license.
5.) I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided
to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
jumped
up
and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
leotards
on,
the class was over.
6.) An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher
she
had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
twice
a
week "
7.) My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
as
sharp as it used to be.
8.) Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
9.) It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
coffeemaker.
10.) These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For
fast
relief."
11.) Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow
old
because you stop laughing.
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