What Happens When Clients Devise Their Own Dispute Resolution Procedures
A Kansas City lawyer went duck hunting in rural Kansas . He shot and
dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his
tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming
over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the
United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and
take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
settle disputes in Kansas. Here, we settle small disagreements with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
This prompted the lawyer to ask, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get
to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so
on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that
he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local
custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the
attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into
the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from
his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear
end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his
feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old
fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
A Kansas City lawyer went duck hunting in rural Kansas . He shot and
dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his
tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and
now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming
over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the
United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and
take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we
settle disputes in Kansas. Here, we settle small disagreements with the 'Three Kick Rule.'"
This prompted the lawyer to ask, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get
to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so
on back and forth until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that
he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local
custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the
attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into
the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from
his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear
end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his
feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old
fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
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