When it rains... (harsh content)

[JBCrooks]

Almost one year ago I started building a new house. I have posted here a few photos of the things I've done like the cedar porch and the walnut vanity cabinet. I have been looking forward to going into the Finished Projects section and sticking in some photos when I get done. It has been a massive project. I hired out only what I had to (masonry, shingles, siding, HVAC). Everything else I have done myself. My wife has done all the painting as well as helping me with the endless other projects.
Two months ago her brother shot himself, and she has had a very hard time with it. We both lost alot of time both at our regular jobs and on our home. She has only recently started to put herself back together again, and we got back into working on the house in full swing. I had the kitchen cabinets done except for the drawer boxes. When I cut up the ply it was so close that I didn't have a single spare piece left over. I had all the parts cut, dovetailed, and ready to go.
After work last week I was gluing the drawers together. I had glue spread on all the dovetails and was just sliding the first joint together when my wife comes out to say she's going to visit her mom. She had been going by to see her mom every day for the last two months, I usually didn't go with her, and I was at a point where I just couldn't walk away from what I was doing.
I didn't "have a feeling" or anything like that. For no reason whatsoever I just dropped the half assembled drawer and went with her.
Her mother's body was in the kitchen floor. She had been fixing her lunch about 6 hours earlier when her heart gave out.
My wife saw her mother lying in the same place that her father had died 20 years ago and only two months after her brother's suicide. She is in pieces now.

Tonight as she was going to sleep she asked me "Why were my mama's eyes black?" I can only imagine what my wife is going through now. I'm having a hard time with this myself...

I'm going to say this here..because I can't really say it to anyone I know...and you all seem like good people. My wife's mother had a little dog, and it had apparently sat beside her since she fell. When we walked in last week and my wife saw her mom, she threw herself down...I guess to check her mom...and she kind of pressed the dog..and it made a mess. I took my wife outside and called emergency. While we were waiting for the ambulance, she said to me "Would you go inside and clean my mother's face? I don't want anyone to see her like that." So I went inside and I washed her mother's face. I tried to close her eyes...but they wouldn't...
This is all like some nightmare that won't stop. I don't think anything hurts like watching a loved one suffer. What had started out as the best year of our life has become the worst.

I have been sitting here for the last ten minutes wondering if I should post this or no. I hope sometime soon I can add something positive here.

[Knottscott]

This is a difficult read, and I can't imagine what it must be like on your end. I'm very sorry to hear what you're going through. All I can offer are my condolences, thoughts, and prayers. Hope thing turn around for you soon.

It really helps put our day to day issues into perspective...

[crokett]

My sincere condolences. And dustmight, you got that right. I was going to post last night about the long and frustrating day I had, but I was too frustrated. It seems like it was a pretty good day now.

[Stytooner]

These things are never easy to handle. You have my condolences. It sounds like you were already without knowing why, but just be there for her to help her though it. My wife's brother did the same thing just before Christmas two years ago, so I know some of what you must be going though.

[Ken Massingale]

Our sincere condolences, JB. Our Prayers and thoughts are with you and your wife.
Ken and Tina

[Thalermade]

My heart goes out to you, your wife and loved ones. You are doing a good thing by starting to communicate, to talk about your feelings.

This will be a trying time for you as well as you wife. While being strong for her, remember that you have to deal with this as well.

For a scraped knee there are bandages, for a broken arm there are casts, for emotional issues, especially death, where we do not have much control, there must communication, support and love.

Russ

[goslin23]

As I sit here saddened and stunned by your post (as all of us will be), I am reminded of that "year" my family went through. In 1994 my father, grandfather and uncle passed away. This was extremely difficult on my mom and family as she was the rock and had to take care of everything. Time may not heal all wounds, but it gets a little easier. Right now the emotions may be mixed and overwhelming, but let them come.

It's hard to find a positive in this situation and it may take awhile to come to accept it. You'll feel grateful that you were able to be there for you wife at that moment. Focus on the good times that you shared with your departed loved ones. I am constantly remembering things that I learned from my father and I am realizing that I am more like him every day.

My condolences and prayers are with you and your family.

-=gos=-

[mater]

I am so sorry to hear this. I understand a little of what you are going through. About 22 years ago I was building a house myself and was installing windows and stopped to go check on my dad and he had had a heart attack and I found him sitting in a chair. My condolences and prayers are with you.

[greencat]

I am also stunned with this posting - what a terrible thing for your wife and you. Our prayers are with you.

[linear]

JB, I hope you can draw some measure of strength from the supportive folks here. I'll certainly keep your family in my thoughts.

Your wife will look to you for strength in the days and weeks ahead--from the sound of your post you'll be a tremendous comfort to her when she needs it most. So stay strong for her.

I can also sympathize with the situation of building your own home--it's stressful and difficult even when you aren't doing much of the work, and when things aren't going wrong all around you. But you're building something together and it will be something you can both take tremendous pride in.

[Pappy]

My prayers go out to you and your family. The next few months, your wife is going to need you as never before.

[eddy merckx]

That is really, really difficult JB. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you. My own Mom died a few weeks ago and everything has been in turmoil since. So much to deal with emotionally and logistically. It does get a little easier as the weeks go by, though. Just remember to take care of yourselves during the following weeks and months.

Eddy

[leehljp]

JB,

We are lifting you, your wife and your family in prayer.

Words do not often help in times like these. Always more questions than answers.

One thing that I often try to do in person when in situations like this is to look for and talk about some of the most memoriable moments, often humorous. It is OK to cry with sadness and laugh or smile at the same time. It really helps the healing process.

I too, even years after my father's death and two years after my mother's death, have strange questions. Dad, why did you do this? Mom, why did you do that . . ? Nothing unusual or bad, just something that I didn't know.

My dad built the car port and had three posts holding a huge car port on one side. I have been worried about the rotting of the 2X10 made up square posts until 2000 when I replaced a portion of one post and found an I-beam of steel inside. I had worried about that for 5 years, while overseas and wondered what dad's thinking was when he made that.

My purpose is not to talk about my dad's house construction tecniques, but just that we have odd questions about parents in one form or another that stay with us for years. In all of the healing, questions will still come, but rememberance of good times together will help.

Lifting you in prayer!

Hank Lee

[Uncle Cracker]

It is said that the "Man Upstairs" never puts more on you than what you can bear. If this is true, you and your wife must be very stout people. Try to make something positive from the misery by using it to strengthen your family and your faith. After a time, the good memories will overcome the bad. I know.

[p8ntblr]

Wow that is some horrible news bro. My prayers go out to you and your wife.