Fostering a child

[ssmith1627]

Hey guys.....I can't resist posting this.

My wife and I went through the infertility thing for about a year and now we've gone through all the necessary steps to become eligible to foster / adopt children in our state (Tennessee).

We got the call yesterday that a 19 month old little boy was available and we picked him up about 2 hours later. Talk about a life changing event.....he's into everything in the house already ! haha We feel very blessed and now we're really hoping it works out that we can adopt him.

Steve

[DUD]

Wow Steve That Is Great. Bill

[Mrs. Wallnut]

That is AWESOME Steve. And he looks like he is a very cute little boy. I can relate from having a 15 month old around. Child safety locks on almost every thing and nothing sitting against something I don't want him to crawl on.

[Ed62]

Congrats Steve. One of our daughters and her husband adopted a baby last May after a very long wait. They were lucky enough to hear of a girl who was pregnant, and was considering an abortion. Another girl knew both my daughter and the girl who was pregnant, and she mentioned to the girl that she knew someone who had been trying to adopt, but was not having much luck. To make a long story short, they met, and agreed to the adoption while the girl was pregnant. My daughter got a lawyer who handled everything for both sides. They visited us today, and she's a little doll. I wish you luck.



Ed

[moc]

we've gone through all the necessary steps to become eligible to foster / adopt children

Congratulations!

As a pediatrician who works with the "underserved" I can tell you that there are a tremendous number of children in desperate need of quality foster care. Kids for whom their biological families are not a viable option and whose foster care options are not much better.

What an incredible opportunity to make a difference in the life of a child... and then a young adult... and then his children... and so on. It's an enormous payout for the simple price of loving an adorable child.

As soon as my young kids are out of diapers, I hope to become a foster parent as well.

Of course I hope to squeeze some woodworking in between the two events

*moc

[ssmith1627]

Woodworking ? When is there time for woodworking now ? The crazy part is that I don't have time to work on the bed that I've already started for whatever child might have come our way. I'm maybe 2/3rds done with the headboard.......

Thanks for all the nice thoughts guys. I really do appreciate it. We're very happy. It really switches around how you think. Forget how WE wanted a kid and have tried all these different things. Now it's just about HIM. We're giving him a good home right now while he needs it and that is what is important. If he can be ours for good, we'll be thrilled. But either way -- it's a good thing.

Steve

[radhak]

As parents of an adopted daughter followed by a biological one, we have observed one thing that others might miss : with the adopted (or foster) child, parents get very little 'preparation time'. You are so busy with the paperwork and logistics of the process of adoption/fostering that when you get the child, you find you did not really (mentally) prepared for it.

With our second daughter, we went thru all the nine months of nurturing : morning sickness, mood dips, health worries, sudden (and exotic) food yearnings, etc - and I am only talking about the mother here . The final days before delivery were really like the slowing down of a huge churning wheel, coming to creaking stop, where nothing else mattered - office work was ignored, phone calls were not returned, etc. So the actual birth was really a - umm, well, a Production . And after it, everybody was so mindful of the just-born (and mother), helpful with tips and suggestions and baby-sitting-offers etc that we felt blessed.

Compared to that, all we remember about the first one was the long waits - submit paper-work, wait; respond to queries, wait; send in questionaires, wait. And suddenly, we have a baby in hand! And everybody said 'congrats' and that was that - we were left alone, with very little help or even moral support. (After all, it was not a new born, and it's not like we had to go thru pregnancy-and-delivery ). As first time parents, it was quite unnerving.

Good thing is, the internet today is a great help; forums like these (actually, there should others I am sure, more focused on fostering) that help you a lot.

In all that, for all the sleepless nights and no-time-for-yourself ahead of you, we envy you. He's a real cute chap, and he's bound to fill your heart and lives with happiness. Congratulations.

[Warren]

Steve and Ed also,

Been there, done that. But, I was at the other end of the process. That could have been me in Steve's picture 60 some years ago.

You both have undertaken a great challenge and have my unqualified admiration. Do well by the lucky, little buggers and they will make you proud.

[ssmith1627]

The more I read from you guys, the happier I am that I posted what I did.

And radhak makes a very goods point as well -- BOOM, there's a child in your house. You should see us scrambling to get everything that might hurt him at least 4 feet off the floor. And trying to get everything in place that one needs to take care of a little one like this.

Our parenting experience is limited to frequent visits from our 9 year old niece and the zoo's worth of animals we currently have. So this is quite a shock ! So far we haven't broken him.....haha.

Steve

[Mrs. Wallnut]

You know our daughter has a friend in foster care and I have seen her moved around over the last year or two and its hard. She is a little older than your little guy and right now she is in a foster home that is maybe going to try and adopt her if the option comes up.

And Steve, a little hint about somethings since we have a 15 month old now....they climb on everything, the couch the coffee table chairs those kinds of things.

Our little guy right now is learning to take his toys to where he wants to reach and see if he can stand on them to reach what we have put up. Also bumps and bruises are soon to come. Ours has found the coffee table and the entertainment center to bump his head on lately, and he has discovered the outlets that are plugged in and likes to unplug those.

There is a website that I think is called babyonthego.com (I have gotten a couple of catalogs) that has numerous saftey gadgets for outlets and other things, all kinds of gates and other things like toys.

I hope that helps you out a little bit.

[enutees]

Congrats

As another parent who is doing the adoption thing I love hearing of other successful stories. We looked into foster care hear and after speaking with a few people the organization of the system didn't favor good results in my opinion.

We are ranked 49th in just about everything here so that isn't a surprise. (thanks Mississippi)

Here is my little guy from Guatemala. He'll be home in another month or two. Just got back from visiting him.

[ssmith1627]

We've heard some rough stories about fostering as well. The biggest fear being that you get attached only for the child to be returned to the parents.

Tennessee is a different situation. You end up for the most part not being able to adopt without fostering first. If a child is in foster care and they do terminate the parental rights, making them available for adoption, the foster parents get the first crack at it. The idea being that you don't want to move the kid around any more than you have to.

We wanted to try adoption first and have been looking at children on the national website but they disappear as fast as they show up. This child came along and because the case workers felt he was headed for adoption they called us. It's still a risk though.

All of the overseas adoptions looked like they were a fortune, just like all of the private agency adoptions here in the state. We're not broke but I'm hoping my wife can stay home with the child, us living on my income. If this does work out, we're paying just the legal fees and paperwork -- something between $2000 and $3000.

I hate that finances even factors into it all but it does.......

Steve

[Adele]

Hey guys.....I can't resist posting this.

My wife and I went through the infertility thing for about a year and now we've gone through all the necessary steps to become eligible to foster / adopt children in our state (Tennessee).

We got the call yesterday that a 19 month old little boy was available and we picked him up about 2 hours later. Talk about a life changing event.....he's into everything in the house already ! haha We feel very blessed and now we're really hoping it works out that we can adopt him.

Steve

Steve,

Sam and I adopted both our boys from the Kentucky Foster/adopt program. It is a long hard process but I wouldn't give up my boys for anything. David was 2 1/2 and Chase was 11 months when we got them. They are full brothers and now are 9 and 10 (almost 11).

The best advice I can give you and your wife is only take one child at a time and give that child as much love, affection and attention as possible. Alot of foster children suffer from what is called attachment disorder (our oldest does). It is when the child never really bonded with there mother. Hold that baby and love on him as much as possible these next several months. He needs to know he is loved and needs to bond with you and your wife.

Best of luck,
Adele

[ssmith1627]

You guys really are great. Is there a better forum out there ?

We've been through all the classes with DCS that are required here for fostering / adoption so we heard about attachment disorder then as well. I can certainly understand it with children who've been abused or neglected like that.

This little one so far has been amazing. When I first walked in the door after my wife brought him home, he took a second and pointed at me.......and then reached out his arms for me to pick him up. He does it every time I walk in now and it's really making my head swell up ! haha He has been perfectly happy playing with me and my wife, chasing our cat around, playing with my niece and mother-in-law. In two days I have yet to see this child cry -- he whimpers a little here and there but is just happy and acts at home. He really is a great kid.

I agree though -- one child is fine for now. It would be quite a while before we'd want to add something else to the equation. Let's spoil this one rotten for a while. We have a farm in the family as well so we can take him out to see the horses and donkeys. We're gonna try very hard to give him a happy home and just keep praying that he does end up with us for good.

Steve

[enutees]

We've heard some rough stories about fostering as well. The biggest fear being that you get attached only for the child to be returned to the parents.

Tennessee is a different situation. You end up for the most part not being able to adopt without fostering first. If a child is in foster care and they do terminate the parental rights, making them available for adoption, the foster parents get the first crack at it. The idea being that you don't want to move the kid around any more than you have to.

We wanted to try adoption first and have been looking at children on the national website but they disappear as fast as they show up. This child came along and because the case workers felt he was headed for adoption they called us. It's still a risk though.

All of the overseas adoptions looked like they were a fortune, just like all of the private agency adoptions here in the state. We're not broke but I'm hoping my wife can stay home with the child, us living on my income. If this does work out, we're paying just the legal fees and paperwork -- something between $2000 and $3000.

I hate that finances even factors into it all but it does.......

Steve

I'm glad to hear that Tennessee sounds much easier to deal with than Louisiana. Louisiana has given us several different stories and I never found any answers that I thought were 100%. You getting first shot gives you pretty good odds. I know a lot of the kids that enter the system here never return to family.

Adoptions are expensive but what 30 year old needs a saving account or equity in a house. lol. After visiting him, all doubts or thoughts of costs leave the focus and are not thought about anymore.

You are doing a great thing by fostering. There is a lot more of a selfish streak in me that didn't allow myself to go that way.

Congrats again on your child.