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Bored at Walmart
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that her husband go with her to Walmart, but he gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.
Here's a letter sent to her from the store.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
-- June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
-- July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
-- July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
-- July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3" in Housewares and watched what happened.
-- Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
-- Sept 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
-- Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite
them in if they'd bring pillows from the Bedding Dept.
-- Sept 23: When a clerk asked if he could help him, he began to cry and asked,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
-- Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror and picked his nose.
-- Nov 10: While handling guns in the Hunting Dept., asked the clerk if he knew where to find the antidepressants.
-- Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
-- Dec 6: In the Auto Department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
-- Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people went by, yelled, "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
-- Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed,
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
And last, but not least,
-- Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly,
"There's no toilet paper in here!"
Here's a letter sent to her from the store.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.
All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
-- June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
-- July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
-- July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
-- July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3" in Housewares and watched what happened.
-- Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
-- Sept 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
-- Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite
them in if they'd bring pillows from the Bedding Dept.
-- Sept 23: When a clerk asked if he could help him, he began to cry and asked,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
-- Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera, used it as a mirror and picked his nose.
-- Nov 10: While handling guns in the Hunting Dept., asked the clerk if he knew where to find the antidepressants.
-- Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
-- Dec 6: In the Auto Department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
-- Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people went by, yelled, "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
-- Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed,
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
And last, but not least,
-- Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly,
"There's no toilet paper in here!"
Good one.
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