Funnies
These are clever! I had to laugh even tho some of these I had heard before. Bill
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but
don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste
funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each oth er in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
says
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to
look at either.
10. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find
any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you
can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says
"Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fi re in
the
craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your
kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why,"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts
boasting by an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi , as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad
breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A
super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns
to his
friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them
laugh.
No pun in ten did.
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but
don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste
funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each oth er in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
says
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to
look at either.
10. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find
any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you
can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says
"Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fi re in
the
craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your
kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why,"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts
boasting by an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi , as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad
breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A
super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns
to his
friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them
laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Mrs. Wallnut
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