The House Behind the House

[DUD]

I don't say I miss this fondly, but I miss it more than slit trenches. Bill



One of my fondest memories
As I recall the days of yore,
Was the little house, behind the house
With the crescent o'er the door.

'Twas a place to sit and ponder
With your head all bowed down low,
Knowing that you wouldn't be there
If you didn't have to go.

Ours was a multi-holer, three
With a size for every one,
You left there feeling better
After your job was done.

You had to make those frequent trips
In snow, rain, sleet, or fog,
To that little house where you usually
Found the Sears-Roebuck catalog.

Oft times in dead of winter
The seat was spread with snow,
Twas then with much reluctance
To that little house you'd go.

With a swish you'd clear that wooden seat
Bend low, with dreadful fear,
You'd shut your eyes and grit your teeth
As you settled on your rear.

I recall the day Ol' Granddad
Who stayed with us one summer,
Made a trip out to that little house
Which proved to be a bummer.

'Twas the same day that my Dad
Had finished painting the kitchen green,
He'd just cleaned up the mess he'd made
With rags and gasoline.

He tossed the rags down in the hole
Went on his usual way,
Not knowing that by doing so
He'd eventually rue the day.

Now Granddad had an urgent call
I never will forget,
This trip he made to the little house
Stays in my memory yet.

He sat down on the wooden seat
With both feet on the floor,
He filled his pipe and tapped it down
And struck a match on the outhouse door.

He lit the pipe and sure enough
It soon began to glow,
He slowly raised his rear a bit
And tossed the flaming match below.

The blast that followed, I am told
Was heard for miles around,
And there was poor ol' Granddad
Sprawled out there on the ground.

The smoldering pipe still in his mouth
His eyes were shut real tight,
The celebrated three-holer
Was blown clear out of sight.
We asked him what had happened
What he said I'll ne'er forget,
He said he thought it must have been
The navy beans he et.

Next day we had a new one
Dad put it up with ease,
But this one had a door sign
That read: No Smoking, Please!

Now that's the story's end my friend,
Of memories long ago,
When we went to the house behind the house,
because we had to go.

For those who never had to trot out in the COLD.....
Just Give Thanks!!!

[Ken Weaver]

My father was born and raised in Spring County Dud, Martin's Creek outside of Hardy. I can remember making that path when we would visit my Grandmother's out at the old home place. The last line is more true than most know. Especially when you're only 6 or 7. Ghosties and ghoulies come out that late at night.

[germdoc]

I saw my dad's old farmhouse in AL where he grew up--2 rooms, a well, an outhouse, corn shuck mattresses. Is it any wonder he moved up to the city to take a factory job first chance?

He was not at all sentimental about the old days, in fact, he hardly talked about it. He couldn't wait to get out and never looked back.

BTW, one of my neighbors sat on her basement throne and was surprised to have a bat fly up between her legs. She screamed and jumped up, her quick-triggered husband flushed the critter down the drain, and therefore she ended up having to have rabies shots because the bat could not be sent into the state lab for rabies testing. If this is a problem with indoor toilets, I can only imagine what you'd find in the outhouse...

[DUD]

The big thing in My Dad's youth was on Halloween several husky lads would

go out and move the outhouse back about 3 feet. There would be some

mad people the next day. Bill

[gsmittle]

Once while hiking in Colorado with my five-months-pregnant wife, we stopped at a trailside privvy. She opened the door, then squealed and jumped backward about five feet. She told me there was some sort of animal running up the back of the outhouse. I scoffed. She opened the door again, same result. She refused to use the facilities, opting instead to go behind a tree off the trail.

I opened the door next and saw the same motion she did. Turned out to be the weight used to close the door.

As we went on our way, we discovered that the other side of the tree she used faced a campsite occupied by several backpackers. I'm sure they got an eyefull....

g.