prayer and advice request

[jwaterdawg]

This post is in all seriousness and I hope it will be taken as such. How do you help a family member who may be suffering from mental illness? I'm at my wits end about how to help.

You can PM your comments and/or advice if you want to keep it offline.

And if you feel inclined, my family would greatly appreciate your thoughts and prayers on this.

J

[cabinetman]

You used the term "may". There are too many pseudo psychologists out there that may do more harm than good. My suggestion is to get professional help.



"I'M NEVER WRONG - BUT I'M NOT ALWAYS RIGHT"

[DUD]

J
I really feel for You and Your Family, mental illness is very hard on everyone. I suffer from depression and a nervous condition among other things.

I would try to get the person to see a Professional and be evaluated. It may or may not be mental, some problems with our health have the ability to mess with our minds. HTH, Bill

[Pappy]

'Mental illness' is a big category. Depression is common in today's society and can be on many levels from minor to severe. Bi-polar is another story that is controllable witrht he right medications.

I agree that the best thing is to get the person to seek competent proffesional help.

[Knottscott]

My prayers go out to you and your family....mental illness is a tough foe. They're different with each personality and often change symptoms within the same person with age, mood, and lifestyle changes regardless of the "diagnosis"...many stem from chemical imbalances and are hard to categorize consistently. The right medications and good counseling can help alot, but aren't always permanent solutions....and I realize what a broad statement that is...just keep trying.

Things that can help:
- routine
- regular sleep
- excercise
- good diet
- constructive happy activities that the patient enjoys (with moderation)
- prayer
- avoid unnecessary stress...
*try to keep a manageable schedule and avoid non-stop activties
*crowds, overstimulating events, traffic, and noise can all be stressers
- non-judgemental conversion...mental illness isn't rational. Try to understand that their perceptions may be different than yours. An irrational person will often make bad choices when stressed...just listen, guide when needed, and offer rational feedback without judging or scolding them...they often feel bad enough.
- don't leave them alone for long periods when they're not doing well...without the benefit of rational input from others, an irrational person can justify some unusual things in their minds.
- give them hope,and reassure them that most "episodes" will pass

Take time for yourself and keep yourself healthy too.

God Bless...

[jwaterdawg]

I've been trying to get the professional help, but this person is very resistant. I'm worried about pushing too hard.

[thrytis]

If it is difficult to get the person to a psychiatrist for whatever reason, try the person's primary care doctor. Family doctors, internal medicine doctors, and pediatricians can treat basic mental illnesses like depression and anxiety. If the illness is more severe or complex, a referal to a psychiatrist from their regular doctor may be better received than a from a family member.

Good luck.

[Mrs. Wallnut]

I've been trying to get the professional help, but this person is very resistant. I'm worried about pushing too hard.

I would see if maybe you could get a person to come to this person instead of taking them to an office or pushing them to go. It may work better if they are in an environment that they are comfortable in. Some people who can help might be willing to make a house call so to speak.

Also I would suggest calling your local Mental Health office or some place like that and they may be able to give you some very good sound advice on how to deal with this person a little better.

Our prayers are with you and I hope that you can get this person that you care so much about the help that they need and don't forget that you and your family or the persons family will also need some help and support. Take time to care for yourselves as well.

[Warren]

If the health or safety of the idividual or their friends and family is threatened drastic measures may be called for. I have a friend who, years ago, had to make a choice between his mental and physical health and looking after his sick mother. He finally had to have his mother committed. If the person you are talking about is a threat to themselves or others an involuntary commitment may be the only answer. It's extreme but, sometimes the only way to insure proper diagnosis and care.

The health of others is paramount. Once the individual in question is diagnosed, care and or treatment can be started. But, if the person's support system, family and friends, is endangered or threatened then the sick individual is left on their own.

Consider the larger picture and then take the appropriate action. If there is a family member or friend that the individual is respectful of, perhaps they can talk the person into seeking an evaluation. Otherwise, an involuntary commitment may be the solution.

[Jeffrey Schronce]

Do you mind disclosing a little more about the symptoms? Are you talking depression, severe depression, anxiety, bi-polar? If you are talking about mild depression or anxiety in an adult (which I assume you are if the person is very resistent and has the ability to say no) others are right, talk to the family physician. They can approach this from a medical perspective versus a psycholocial perspective ie your serotenin levels are low so we need to suppliment that with "x" medication. The meds will usually drastically improve depression or anxiety to a point where they will be more receptive to therapy (if needed).
Listen to the person. If they are telling you something is bad, then multiply it by at least 2. People will rarely tell you how bad the depression is because they simply can't explain it properly or it sounds silly to them when the put it in words. "I can't get out of bed, I don't feel like working, I don't want to take the kids to the park" all sound to the affected person like they come off as just being lazy. This causes them to not verbalize the problems. Just be really aware of what is going on.
You need to get them professional help in some form.

[Rand]

You have my sympathies. I was with a woman for 8 years. About 4 years into the relationship she started developing bi-polar disorder. Over time and even with treatment she got worse and worse.

I can't add anything to what's already been written about how to get the person help. I will suggest that you get help as well. It doesn't have to be professional but you need someone to talk to about this with. I felt like I couldn't discuss my partners mental illness with any of my/our friends so I went it alone for about 3 years. I'm guessing you are in a similar situation because you are asking mental health advice on a woodworking forum. Don't make the same mistake I did. Get some support.

I wish you and the other person the best. Just don't forget to take care of yourself too.

[Richard in Smithville]

If you cannot get this person to go with you to a doctor, go yourself. You need to learn to live with a person with an illness. Mental illness is something the whole family needs to work with, not just the one person. Get help for yourself first. This is something that I have lived with in my family for a long time.

[Chadi]

Some advise

Hi. Its tough to provide detailed advice not knowing what the actual diagnosis is. Having suffered through panic disorder and anxiety disorder (which I still struggle with) I know it is difficult to deal. Not only that it is difficult to accept advice from others because they can't comprehend what its like to go through it. Also, as I understand it, it is rare to only have only one "mental illness". For example, something like panic is combined with depression or obsessive compulsive. The best advice is to get professional help. I chose not to go through medication but chose cognitive behavioral therapy. That is simply reprogramming your brain to think differently. Now if you have something like Bipolar, manic-depression, psycosis you really need professional help. We really need more information on what this person may have to offer better advice.

[jwaterdawg]

Thanks for all the outpouring of support and advice. Even though this is a woodworking forum you are also very helpful and genuine people. I appreciate all the advice.

I am no expert in psychology so you should take what I am saying in that perspective. From all the behaviours I have observed over some months and many hours reading various symptoms, etc. it looks like this person may suffer from schizophrenia. Consistent with what others have said and all the symptomology (I think I just made that word up) there are other concurrent symptoms too: paranoia, depression, flattening, mood swings. It's the sudden change in behaviour, paranoia, "voices", and possible hallucinations that really concern me.

This person has been to a medical doctor for a checkup recently but nothing came of it; although I am not sure the doctor really got a complete picture of the various issues. It seems like some days this person is close to accepting that they should talk with a professional but then something will happen that sets them off and they become very resistant.

I also wanted to mention that I hadn't thought about how much worse it might actually be for them compared to how they explain it (2x or 4x worse). Now I'm really worried.

[Warren]

One of the things which will "set them off" and prevent them seeing a professional is the fear of the diagnosis and the realization that they may in fact be sick. If I were in your shoes, I'd use this fear as a positive, in that there may be a recognition of a problem on the person's part.

Look for the right moment, when they are calm and possibly responsive, and begin to gently question them. You'll have to reassure them that most mental illness is correctable, maybe not curable, but correctable and containable. You'll have to convince them that family and friends are concerned and care; that a competent diagnosis and treatment will enable everyone to enjoy each other for years to come. The obverse is that if the problem is not treatable, the individual will at least understand the problem and be able to make proper preperations for the future. It will at least put the that fear to rest. Everyone will understand the problem and adjust to it as required. It's the unknown that is the most fearsome part of this.

Best wishes for a reasonable conclusion to this troubling problem.