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More Lawyer Jokes
My apologies to those of you who are lawyers.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their newest stamps.
They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called, Sosumi.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the Paper?
What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.
What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers do?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
A cement shortage.
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 80?
Your Honor.
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.
Why don't sharks bite lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a scumsucking bottom dweller and the other is a kind of fish.
Why are medical research labs using lawyers instead of rats these days?
It cuts down on the PETA protests, they find that the researchers don't tend to become emotionally attached to the lawyers. Besides, there are a number of things rats simply won't do.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their newest stamps.
They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
It's called, Sosumi.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the Paper?
What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.
What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers do?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?
A cement shortage.
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
Skeet.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 80?
Your Honor.
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?
A Doberman.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?
The pronunciation.
Why don't sharks bite lawyers?
Professional courtesy.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.
Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
To practice.
Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste sites?
New Jersey got first choice.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a scumsucking bottom dweller and the other is a kind of fish.
Why are medical research labs using lawyers instead of rats these days?
It cuts down on the PETA protests, they find that the researchers don't tend to become emotionally attached to the lawyers. Besides, there are a number of things rats simply won't do.
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