The Perfect Response To That Sticky Question

[LarryG]

Just saw this on another forum I frequent, and got a good laugh:

HER: Do I look fat?
HIM: Do I look stupid?

[scorrpio]

No good. The only proper answer is to look at her and state in a calm, authoritative voice: NO. Same voice with which you say 'YES' to 'want another beer?'.

Any pretense of evading the question, hesitation, a hint of doubt in your voice, or failure to look before answering, will be interpreted as 'You make the neighbor's pig look skinny'.

[just4funsies]

A good answer would be: "No, but I'm blind in one eye...".

[LCHIEN]

No good. The only proper answer is to look at her and state in a calm, authoritative voice: NO. Same voice with which you say 'YES' to 'want another beer?'.

Any pretense of evading the question, hesitation, a hint of doubt in your voice, or failure to look before answering, will be interpreted as 'You make the neighbor's pig look skinny'.

Scorrpio is right, while
"Yes you do" might be your first thought, and a defensive
"Do I look stupid?" should be the second thought going through your mind,
to actually say what you think is always a bad idea.
The first thought is definately trouble, the second is to imply she is
trying to trap you, likely equal trouble.
So the correct answer is an unwavering, "NO".

[gerti]

Tzzz... Rookies! There is no right answer. Now y'all go print this out and put it in your wallet:

MIRANDA RIGHTS FOR MEN

1- I have the right to remain silent in the face of any and all questions women ask me, no matter how innocuous those questions may appear on the surface.

2- I acknowledge that anything I say in response to women's questions can and will be used against me in the public court of female opinion.

3- I have the right to make one phone call to an attorney or any other legal counselor I might choose, who will advise me as to which questions can safely be answered and which ones must be avoided if I am to survive this encounter with my reputation intact.

4- I recognize, as a member of the male sex, I can in no way-at any time, in any place, or in any mental condition-keep up with the mixed signals, chat rate, tangled motivations, complex strategies, or deceptive word choices of the females of the species.

5- Finally, I accept the fact that am I so foolish as to answer questions after reading this Miranda warning and listening to my legal adviser, the odds are that I will say something I will regret. In other words, from this moment on, I proceed in this venture at my own hazard and risk.

[gerti]

Oh an just to point out to you rookies why NO will not work:

Her: Do I look fat?
Him: No!
Her: I lost 15 pounds last month! So you thought I looked fat before?
Him: (Doesn't matter what he says, he's toast)

or:

Her: Do I look fat?
Him (anticipating the above): No, if anything you look to thin!
She: So you think I wasted my energy dieting for the last two months?
(You guessed it, he's toast again).

and so on... So just keep that miranda around!

[Hellrazor]

Her: Do I look fat?
Him: Is someone at the door? I'll go check..