Kids, hate them or love them?

[Knottscott]

Kids definitely require alot of time and can really try your patience, but the rewards are like no other on earth. I'm lucky that I've never had to be primary caregiver for an extended time. Your current schedule sounds brutal, but the day will come when the silence is deafening. Our oldest went off to college last fall and left us "home alone" with the other five kids. Even with what most would consider a full table, having one missing on a regular basis made us think alot about what it'll be like when the others follow suit. For the time being sleep when you can, play when you can, and pray when you can do neither. Hope your wife is back in action soon!

Chin up! (your daughter sounds like a pistol!)

[Warren]

DaveS hit it right on the head. The only thing I would add is to number five. It will break your heart the first time she fails to take your hand as you walk across a street or parking lot.

You've got to have some time for yourself and you can't leave her to her own devices. So, get involved with others in the same boat. She'll make some friends and so will you. Might be that a neighbor girl would love to earn a little money spending a couple of hours two or three days a week watching her while you make sawdust, have quiet beer somewhere, or just sit gather your thoughts somewhere pleasant.

[MilDoc]

As a pediatrician I've always told new or prospective new parents that kids are a joy who will totally take over your life. Be prepared to give up most of your time and to not get to do a lot of the things you used to. Be prepared to have less money to spend as you want, and lots less time to do what you want. It amazes me how many folks never realize this until they have kids.

Very few parents can say they have never wondered at least once "Why did I have kids? " And very few would ever truly like to give them up. There are many times you might not like your kids, but I doubt you'd ever be able to say you hate them (until they're teenagers of course ).

There is really never an age when kids aren't trying and tiring. But overall the joyful moments seem to make up for it all for most of us.

Hang in there. You're having the same feelings most parents have more than once. You're doing fine. I congratulate you for at least taking charge when needed. Many men don't.

[jdschulteis]

Hang In There!

You've realized that you need help, that's good. You're no use to your wife or daughter if you burn out.

The cavalry (mother in law) is coming, that's good too.

I'll second several bits of advice that others have given: stop sleeping in her room, try getting her in a playgroup, try hiring an older girl to watch her while you remain on the premises. You do need some time to attend to your wife, plus some shop time, some workout time, or whatever it is that helps you keep your sanity.

On the flip side, the time will come when she asks you to drop her off two blocks from school because she doesn't want to be seen with you, or whatever the actual incident is, and it may come all too soon. Sounds like you have a good appreciation for that already.

[ErikS]

All good advice - one thing I would add (I agree, mother sick = scared w/ a life line = clingy). There's a show on TV @ times called SuperNanny - watch the show & see how she deals with seperation issues. NOTE: this lady is dealing with the results of bad parenting so most of it is irrelevant....but...some of the ideas might apply (i.e. how to deal with seperation issues while taking feelings into consideration).

Oh yeah & cheer up - the "million question" 2-3's pass AND in ten years she won't even want to acknowledge you exist

[9johnny5]

"keep your chin up..."

Stewchi -

So much good advice being given here, it's hard to add to it. But, I'll try, being the father of 3 teenage/young adult daughters. First, let me tell you that you need to cherish the time you have being the center of your little girl's world....it vanishes soon enough. It's ok to understand that you need a little "me" time. It's not selfish, it's survival. Just like your breain needs a reboot while you sleep, you need time that you aren't being demanded of from anyone. The MIL visit will help - just keep an eye on her "stong personality".

About the best advice I can offer is to communicate to your daughter you love her more than the world itself, but you also have to set and enforce limits. She will take as much control as you give her, it's a natural part of development. Don't give her more control than she should have...you have to be the adult. Sleep on the couch while your wife recovers... explain to your daughter that dad will lay down with her at bedtime for 10 minutes, but she has to sleep alone: then stick to the 10 minutes. Don't be afraid to explain to her (of course in terms that a 2 1/2 understands) that what she thinks is funny and what you think are different, and that's ok; she can't dictate everything - she will understand.

Don't try to do everything perfect...this is a transitional time and will pass. Seek shortcuts where possible - paper plates/cups, combine what laundry you can, meals from a box. Don't be afraid to exclude her in the chores right now - TRUST ME - there will be PLENTY of time for that later. Just concentrate on getting thru this. Like a wise Chief Petty Officer once told, "Keep your chin up - gives them a place to hit you, but at least they're not kicking you in the nuts".

johnny