Funny Phone Conversation

[guycox]

Metric Adjustable Wrench

One of my favorites..

Back in a previous live as an AF 1744X ( Ground Control Intercept Controller) we used to get the newbies with an Airborne Emergency -- for a Bravo One Romeo Deltal -- with the pilots intentions to Echo Alpha Tango.

[Warren]

We used to tell first time passengers in our 123's that if they wanted to see the flight deck they should ask the pilot if they could come up and watch. To speak to the flight deck they were to use the funnel shaped relief tube in the bulkhead. Pull it out, speak loudly into it and then hold it to their ear to hear the response. They'd almost have to kneel down to use it, but they usually did. They'd look at us questioningly when they heard nothing. Then one of us would us the tube for its real purpose. Most took took it humorously. A couple . . . well, seat belts and tie downs make good restraints.

[ironhat]

You can get a pretty good idea how a noob is gonna work out by the way s/he takes the early hazing. I'm pretty slow to aggravate but there was an old fella in the shop on the railroad who really hated me because I was new (it had something to do with the newly established pay scale for mechanic's helpers). Well, long after the others had let it go and brought me into the fold this guy was still bustin' my chops. One day, in the locker room on lunch break I had had enough. I told 'em, "Look ya old goat, if you expect me open my mouth when I see a hazard coming your way you'd better shut yours now". The guys burst out laughing (they liked the 'ole goat' handle) and I never had another bad day out of him. We worked together peacefully for several more years. Boy, I'd forgoten about old Paul. That was good. Thanks.
Later,
Chiz

[LinuxRandal]

One of my favorites..

Back in a previous live as an AF 1744X ( Ground Control Intercept Controller) we used to get the newbies with an Airborne Emergency -- for a Bravo One Romeo Deltal -- with the pilots intentions to Echo Alpha Tango.

Have to cry fowl on that one, LOL.

I haven't heard of several of these, but, since I haven't done everything YET. I will have to remember the bit bucket one, for my computer nuts family.

[Scottydont]

It's hard to be Noob these days. When I worked in a car dealership we iniated parts drivers by asking them to pick up a "muffler bearing" at a local parts wherehouse. The wherehouse guys new the drill and had a good time. It was a good lesson to teach them that they need aspire to understand what they were doing or being asked to do.

[Tim Clark]

Some of you former "Blue Suiters" might remember the old "voice actuated light cart".

The old NF-2 Light sets were large and roomy enough inside for an adult to take a nap if desired (and some did, just ask the "Sky Cops"). They also had a start switch inside as well as on the main control panel outside. We'ld have a buddy get inside one before taking a slick sleeve out to the Ready Line for a tour. When we got to the Light sets we'ld pick the occupied one and tell the newb that it wasn't covered in Tech School but the new voice start actuators had hit the field we had installed them on the Light Carts. To demo we'ld give the command "Light Cart Start" and magically the cart would hum to life. "Now you try it". Of course nothing would happen. Try a different voice pitch, volume, etc. Nothing. "Well keep trying." And off we'ld go leaving them yellingat and pleading with the cart. Some of them stayed out there for a long time.

[jobucks]

I once had a foreman like you guys

I once went to work as an Iron Worker. I was the "punk" on the job, (general go-fer, go for this and go for that).

We, (they) the regular hands, were bolting up steel and I was watching. One of the bolts was tight and the foreman turned to me and told me to go to job boxes and get the " Big Blue Wrench."

I went over to the knack boxes and looked forever for a Big Blue Wrench. Embarrased in not finding one, hung my head and went and told foreman so.

He scornfully looked at me, and made a remark about having "punks" on the job. And told me that nobody, but a punk, could miss it. It was setting right next to the tool boxes. Now go get it.

Went back over to boxes and still didn't see any Big Blue Wrench setting next to them. So went and had to tell him still no Big Blue Wrench. He asked me what the heck was there. I said a set of torches and tanks. He looked at me in disbelief and said, "right, an acetylene torch set, the Big Blue Wrench, kid." "It will loosen anything!"

[BobSch]

I'm going to have to admit to a couple of these. As a boy scout I fell for the snipe hunt. Imagine my surprize when I got my first small game license and saw snipe listed!
As a new theater lighting tech I got caught looking for the pipe stretcher.

But as far as left-handed tools go — there's a catalog of nothing but left-handed tools. A LH adjutsable wrench? Yup. The knurled adjuster is threaded the opposite way so a lefty can snug up the wrench by rolling it away from them, instead of toward them as with a RH wrench. No LH screwdrivers as I remember.

[Wigwam Jones]

My time in the Corps was well-spent having newbs chasing after ST-1's (stone) or BFR's (big f'ing rocks) or BFH's (big f'ing hammers). The usual skyhooks, flightline, and starboard and port side lantern oil, of course. Ah, the joys of being an NCO.

Best,

Wiggy

[Rounder]

I once went to work as an Iron Worker. I was the "punk" on the job, (general go-fer, go for this and go for that).

We, (they) the regular hands, were bolting up steel and I was watching. One of the bolts was tight and the foreman turned to me and told me to go to job boxes and get the " Big Blue Wrench."

I went over to the knack boxes and looked forever for a Big Blue Wrench. Embarrased in not finding one, hung my head and went and told foreman so.

He scornfully looked at me, and made a remark about having "punks" on the job. And told me that nobody, but a punk, could miss it. It was setting right next to the tool boxes. Now go get it.

Went back over to boxes and still didn't see any Big Blue Wrench setting next to them. So went and had to tell him still no Big Blue Wrench. He asked me what the heck was there. I said a set of torches and tanks. He looked at me in disbelief and said, "right, an acetylene torch set, the Big Blue Wrench, kid." "It will loosen anything!"

Coming from a family of iron workers (Local 1, Chicago), I grew up understanding that all you needed to make something fit was a spud wrench, a 5 lb beater and a torch. This may explain why my woodworking projects look like they do.

[scmhogg]

Back in the early 60's, when I was in the 101st Airborne artillery, we often sent slick sleeves to the supply Sergeant for lanyard oil.

The best though, was sending them to our ferocious first sergeant for their masturbation papers. You could hear him roar throughout the barracks.

Steve

[JR]

I was about 17 when I got my first gas-station job. The owner was out on the drive looking at something and asked me to get a light from the mechanic. There were a few laughs when I came out with a timing light!

JR

[linear]

I can't believe no one's mentioned the "replacement bubble for the level."

[Wood_workur]

A cup of air.

Every timeone knocks over an empty cup, I scold them for spilling the air, and say they ruined something. Then I have them go fill it up.

[bigsteel15]

My fave has always been the round-to-it.
When I worked in appliance repair my co-worker had a habit of telling us he would do something when he got around to it.
A couple of us found an old round rubber ring agitator piece from a 50s model Frigidaire washing machine, wrote ROUND-TO-IT on the piece and presented it to him.
He could never use that excuse again.