TRUTHS ABOUT MEN...(From SWMBO)
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to Me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb...
* * * * * * * * * * *
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
* * * * * * * * * * *
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
* * * * * * * * * * *
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
* * * * * * * * * * *
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
* * * * * * * * * * *
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
* * * * * * * * * * *
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: one-he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
A: Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the
screwing part.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need, a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to Me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blondes are dumb...
* * * * * * * * * * *
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
* * * * * * * * * * *
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
* * * * * * * * * * *
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
* * * * * * * * * * *
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
* * * * * * * * * * *
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said -Turn sideways and look in the mirror
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
* * * * * * * * * * *
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: one-he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
A: Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the
screwing part.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need, a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals
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