Don't Mess With Old People

[sweensdv]

Grandpa and the IRS

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'You want a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now, the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, all with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get really nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks. 'I'll bet you three thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk, unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just avoided a major embarrassing loss.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!

[cabinetman]

That one has been around a long time, but it's still funny.


Here's another oldie:

An old lady in a Rolls Royce headed into the parking lot to go shopping. Just as she headed into a spot, a young guy in a Corvette cut her off and slipped in ahead of her.

As he was getting out of his car he shouted back to her: "That's what you can do when you're young and fast". The old lady backed up her Rolls. She put it into "drive" and shot forward and rammed into the back of the Corvette. She backed it up again and rammed the Corvette a second time.

She rolled down her window and shouted to the gasping guy: "That's what you can do when you're old and rich".
.

[herb fellows]

An oldie but a goodie!

[Hoover]

Thanks for a good laugh!

[Richard in Smithville]

After the day I just had, both were excellent.