Vatican Humor

[pelligrini]

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices the Pope is still standing on the curb.

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!

What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning..

'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205 kms.. (Remember, the Pope is German..)

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my license -- and my job!' moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going 205 kph.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the cop. The Chief exclaimed,' All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence. The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: ' A senator?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'His chauffeur is the Pope!'

[pelligrini]

There were five houses of religion in a small town:

The Presbyterian Church,
The Baptist Church,
The Methodist Church,
The Catholic Church and
The Jewish Synagogue.

Each church and Synagogue was overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do
about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined
that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere
with God's divine will.

In The BAPTIST CHURCH the squirrels had taken up habitation in the
baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery
and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were
twice as many there the next week.

The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a
position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the
Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later,
the squirrels were back.

But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective
solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members
of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas, Ash Wednesday,
Palm Sunday and Easter.

Not much was heard about the Jewish Synagogue, but they took one
squirrel and had a short service with him called circumcision and they
haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.

[billwmeyer]

Those are great!
Bill