AARP Forum questions

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  • germdoc
    Veteran Member
    • Nov 2003
    • 3567
    • Omaha, NE
    • BT3000--the gray ghost

    #1

    AARP Forum questions

    Q:Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them?

    A:Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

    Q:What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

    A:Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.

    Q:Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible.. Is that true? Where can it be found?

    A:Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt ..."

    Q:How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband?

    A:Tell him you're pregnant.

    Q:How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

    A:Take off your glasses.

    Q:Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

    A:Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

    Q:Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?

    A:Valets don't forget where they park your car.

    Q:Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

    A:Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

    Q:As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

    A:Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

    Q:Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

    A:On their foreheads.

    Q:What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

    A:"Gosh, I remember these!"
    Jeff


    “Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing”--Voltaire
  • charliex
    Senior Member
    • Mar 2004
    • 632
    • Spring Valley, MN, USA.
    • Sears equivelent BT3100-1

    #2
    I avoid shopping at large retail establishments and don't go to sports events because they don't offer valet parking.

    I don't wear a bra but I still have lots of wrinkles. What can I do? I see ... Remove my glasses. But I don't wear glasses.

    What was this post about?

    Comment

    • RayintheUK
      Veteran Member
      • Sep 2003
      • 1792
      • Crowborough, East Sussex, United Kingdom.
      • Ryobi BT3000

      #3
      Ten past three.

      Ray
      Did I offend you? Click here.

      Comment

      • LarryG
        The Full Monte
        • May 2004
        • 6693
        • Off The Back
        • Powermatic PM2000, BT3100-1

        #4
        In the spirit of the original post:

        A group of 40 year-old-buddies meet and have a long discussion about where they should go for dinner. Finally they agree to go to the Gausthof zum Lowen, a well-known German restaurant, because the waitresses there have nice breasts and wear low-cut blouses.

        Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and have a long discussion about where they should go for dinner. Finally they agree to go to the Gausthof zum Lowen, because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

        Ten years later, at 60 years of age, the group meets again and have a long discussion about where they should go for dinner. Finally they agree to go to the Gausthof zum Lowen, because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke-free.

        Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again have a long discussion about where they should go for dinner. Finally they agree to go to the Gausthof zum Lowen, because the restaurant is wheelchair accessible and they even have an elevator.

        Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and have a long discussion about where they should go for dinner. Finally they agree to go to the Gausthof zum Lowen, because they've all heard it's good and none of them have ever been there before.
        Larry

        Comment

        • Ed62
          The Full Monte
          • Oct 2006
          • 6021
          • NW Indiana
          • BT3K

          #5
          Originally posted by germdoc

          Q:Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible.. Is that true? Where can it be found?

          A:Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt ..."
          Priceless!

          Ed
          Do you know about kickback? Ray has a good writeup here... https://www.sawdustzone.org/articles...mare-explained

          For a kickback demonstration video http://www.metacafe.com/watch/910584...demonstration/

          Comment

          • cabinetman
            Gone but not Forgotten RIP
            • Jun 2006
            • 15216
            • So. Florida
            • Delta

            #6
            It's an oldie but a goodie.
            .

            Comment

            • billwmeyer
              Veteran Member
              • Feb 2003
              • 1858
              • Weir, Ks, USA.
              • BT3000

              #7
              Ouch! I turned 60 this month!
              Bill
              "I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in."-Kenny Rogers

              Comment

              • Mr__Bill
                Veteran Member
                • May 2007
                • 2096
                • Tacoma, WA
                • BT3000

                #8
                Originally posted by billwmeyer
                Ouch! I turned 60 this month!
                Bill
                We both do Bill, but we are like fine wine. A bit dusty, some sediment on the bottom getting a bit on the vinegary side and with a cork that's hard to get out.


                the younger Bill

                Comment

                • Pappy
                  The Full Monte
                  • Dec 2002
                  • 10463
                  • San Marcos, TX, USA.
                  • BT3000 (x2)

                  #9
                  Originally posted by billwmeyer
                  Ouch! I turned 60 this month!
                  Bill
                  Originally posted by Mr__Bill
                  We both do Bill, but we are like fine wine.
                  the younger Bill
                  Young-uns! I added a 1 to that number last Thursday....
                  Don, aka Pappy,

                  Wise men talk because they have something to say,
                  Fools because they have to say something.
                  Plato

                  Comment

                  • Mr__Bill
                    Veteran Member
                    • May 2007
                    • 2096
                    • Tacoma, WA
                    • BT3000

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Pappy
                    Young-uns! I added a 1 to that number last Thursday....
                    Wow 160 years, you must be a Civil War Vet!


                    Bill
                    confusion, it's better than just being stupid

                    Comment

                    • germdoc
                      Veteran Member
                      • Nov 2003
                      • 3567
                      • Omaha, NE
                      • BT3000--the gray ghost

                      #11
                      Originally posted by Mr__Bill
                      Wow 160 years, you must be a Civil War Vet!


                      Bill
                      confusion, it's better than just being stupid
                      I bet it's hard for him to get his cork out, too!
                      Jeff


                      “Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing”--Voltaire

                      Comment

                      • Bruce Cohen
                        Veteran Member
                        • May 2003
                        • 2698
                        • Nanuet, NY, USA.
                        • BT3100

                        #12
                        Jeff,

                        That's very funny, you just made me start my morning by taking 3 extra Zolofts.

                        I love being reminded just how "down the drain" I am.

                        Your friend in the "Golden Ages",

                        Bruce
                        "Western civilization didn't make all men equal,
                        Samuel Colt did"

                        Comment

                        • billwmeyer
                          Veteran Member
                          • Feb 2003
                          • 1858
                          • Weir, Ks, USA.
                          • BT3000

                          #13
                          Originally posted by Mr__Bill
                          We both do Bill, but we are like fine wine. A bit dusty, some sediment on the bottom getting a bit on the vinegary side and with a cork that's hard to get out.


                          the younger Bill
                          Actually, some mornings I can blow a cork plum across the room!!

                          Old Bill
                          "I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in."-Kenny Rogers

                          Comment

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