More Blonde Fun
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed
Listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed
And her husband says "The dog is still barking and it sounds even louder!
What have you been doing
The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Lynn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity
House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, she would reach into her nail
Pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it
In.
Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you
Throwing those nails away?'
Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of
Them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Judy got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't
Defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You might have to think twice about this one.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip
Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency
Room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting
Off your finger?'
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and
Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants..
I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00
To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'
'So then?'
'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a
Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
Trigger.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
To a repair shop.. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
Decided to have some fun.. He told her to go home and blow into the
Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
Blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little
Harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first
Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like . . . hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver
Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took
It to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos...... It keeps hot things hot,
And cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she
Bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things
Cold,' she replied..
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied..... ...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
+++++++++++++
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that
My mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the
Day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and
I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of
hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out
from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.
'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my
sister. Her mother died, too!'
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++
A blonde walks into a pawn shop. She looks around for a while and then approaches the clerk. "I would like to buy that TV over there." The clerk says, "I am sorry lady, but we don't serve blondes here." The blonde leaves in a huff. The next day she returns wearing a brunette wig. "I would like to purchase that TV over there." Again the clerk says, "Lady I told you yesterday, we do not serve blondes." Now the blonde is furious. The next day she dresses like a man. She approaches the clerk and says in a deep voice, "I would like to purchase that TV over there." The clerk says, "Lady, I told you twice already. We do not sell to blondes!" She says to the clerk, "How can you tell? Yesterday I wore a wig and today I am dressed like a man. How can you tell it is me?!?!" He laughs and replies, "Because that's a microwave."
.................................................. .................................................. ..............................
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, not a cent less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realises that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable'." The telegraph operator shakes his head.
"How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her only the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."
.................................................. .................................................. ..........................
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
.................................................. .................................................. ...........................
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
Listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed
And her husband says "The dog is still barking and it sounds even louder!
What have you been doing
The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Lynn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity
House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, she would reach into her nail
Pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it
In.
Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you
Throwing those nails away?'
Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of
Them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Judy got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't
Defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
You might have to think twice about this one.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip
Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency
Room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting
Off your finger?'
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and
Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants..
I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00
To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'
'So then?'
'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a
Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
Trigger.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad
Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
To a repair shop.. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
Decided to have some fun.. He told her to go home and blow into the
Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started
Blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little
Harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first
Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like . . . hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver
Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took
It to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos...... It keeps hot things hot,
And cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she
Bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things
Cold,' she replied..
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied..... ...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
+++++++++++++
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that
My mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the
Day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and
I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of
hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out
from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.
'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my
sister. Her mother died, too!'
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++
A blonde walks into a pawn shop. She looks around for a while and then approaches the clerk. "I would like to buy that TV over there." The clerk says, "I am sorry lady, but we don't serve blondes here." The blonde leaves in a huff. The next day she returns wearing a brunette wig. "I would like to purchase that TV over there." Again the clerk says, "Lady I told you yesterday, we do not serve blondes." Now the blonde is furious. The next day she dresses like a man. She approaches the clerk and says in a deep voice, "I would like to purchase that TV over there." The clerk says, "Lady, I told you twice already. We do not sell to blondes!" She says to the clerk, "How can you tell? Yesterday I wore a wig and today I am dressed like a man. How can you tell it is me?!?!" He laughs and replies, "Because that's a microwave."
.................................................. .................................................. ..............................
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, not a cent less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realises that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable'." The telegraph operator shakes his head.
"How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her only the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."
.................................................. .................................................. ..........................
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
.................................................. .................................................. ...........................
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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