Your dog would like to talk to you

[BobSch]

1. Blaming your farts on me ---not funny...not funny at all

2. Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN DOG!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. STOP IT!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.You fooled a dog!!! Whooo Hoooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset wehn I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?

Now lay off me on some of those things. We both know who's boss here!! You don't see me picking up your poop do you?

[pelligrini]

That's pretty good.

I heard a short story read on NPR a while back called something like "A conversation with my dogs." I like the reading better than the this youtube clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGv8t2sSXDE

Cool, found the text I heard:
http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/d...8&view=excerpt

[Pappy]

Response from the cat.

"Go bother the dog. I will let you know if I require your services!"

[Uncle Cracker]

Response from the snake:

"You wouldn't have to undergo behavior modification to keep me around, and I might squeeze your hand, but I'll never hunch your leg..."