cows?

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  • just started
    Senior Member
    • Mar 2008
    • 642
    • suburban Philly

    #1

    cows?

    A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

    The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and a YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?'

    Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure , Why not?'

    The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular BLUETOOTH cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

    The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .

    Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

    Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'

    'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.

    He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

    Then Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'

    The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'

    'You're a Congressman for the U.S.Government', says Bud.

    'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'





    'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. .


    Now give me back my dog.


  • crokett
    The Full Monte
    • Jan 2003
    • 10627
    • Mebane, NC, USA.
    • Ryobi BT3000

    #2
    My favorite cow story (and a good life lesson)

    Old bull and young bull are lying down on a hill in the shade looking at the cows below. Young bull says "I have an idea - let's run down there and get us a couple of those cows". Old bull says "I have a better idea - let's walk, and get 'em all".
    David

    The chief cause of failure in this life is giving up what you want most for what you want at the moment.

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    • billwmeyer
      Veteran Member
      • Feb 2003
      • 1868
      • Weir, Ks, USA.
      • BT3000

      #3
      My favorite is when a bunch of bulls are standing around watching a cattle trailer pull up. They watch as the biggest meanest bull they have ever seen is unloaded. All the other bulls know there chances with the cows are now slim, so they slink low and try to hide except one. This one goes nuts! He stomps and he bellers and he rams the fence and makes a heck of a racket! One of the other bulls says are you nuts? That bull is huge. The one making the racket says, I just want him to know that I AM A BULL!

      Bill
      "I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in."-Kenny Rogers

      Comment

      • Bruce Cohen
        Veteran Member
        • May 2003
        • 2698
        • Nanuet, NY, USA.
        • BT3100

        #4
        Now that was great, spit up coffee all over my keyboard.

        Watch out DUD, this guy's going places.


        Bruce
        "Western civilization didn't make all men equal,
        Samuel Colt did"

        Comment

        • cabinetman
          Gone but not Forgotten RIP
          • Jun 2006
          • 15216
          • So. Florida
          • Delta

          #5
          Originally posted by Bruce Cohen
          Now that was great, spit up coffee all over my keyboard.

          Watch out DUD, this guy's going places.


          Bruce

          Now that's worth a picture!!!
          .

          Comment

          • Richard in Smithville
            Veteran Member
            • Oct 2006
            • 3014
            • On the TARDIS
            • BT 3100

            #6
            If my belly is sore in the morning( from laughing) I'm blaming you
            From the "deep south" part of Canada

            Richard in Smithville

            http://richardspensandthings.blogspot.com/

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