Here's an e-mail I received. I have no idea if it's true, but it sure is funny.
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU
KNOW THE BIBL E
EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES
FROM A CATHOLIC
ELEMENTARY
SCHOOL TEST.
KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.
THE FOLLOWING
STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY
HAVE NOT BEEN
RETOUCHED
OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED
OF CREATING THE
WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S
WIFE WAS JOAN OF
ARK.
NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3 .. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A
BALL OF FIRE
DURING
THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WE RE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY
THEY HAD TROUBLE
WITH
UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY
A JEZEBEL LIKE
DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE
APOSTLES.
7 MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE
UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH
IS
BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP
TO MOUNT �CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE
APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT
ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA
LED THE HEBREWS IN
THE �BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD
HIS SON TO STAND
STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE
LIAR. HE FOUGHT
THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL
TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700
PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG
THE MAGNA CARTA
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED
THEY FOUND JESUS IN
THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED20THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO
UNTO OTHERS BEFORE
THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE
BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND
MANAGED TO GET THE
TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12
DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSS UMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A
TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY
ACRIMONY WHICH IS
ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED
MONOTONY.
Ed
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU
KNOW THE BIBL E
EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES
FROM A CATHOLIC
ELEMENTARY
SCHOOL TEST.
KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.
THE FOLLOWING
STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY
HAVE NOT BEEN
RETOUCHED
OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED
OF CREATING THE
WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S
WIFE WAS JOAN OF
ARK.
NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3 .. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A
BALL OF FIRE
DURING
THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WE RE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY
THEY HAD TROUBLE
WITH
UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY
A JEZEBEL LIKE
DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE
APOSTLES.
7 MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE
UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH
IS
BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP
TO MOUNT �CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE
APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT
ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA
LED THE HEBREWS IN
THE �BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD
HIS SON TO STAND
STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE
LIAR. HE FOUGHT
THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL
TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700
PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG
THE MAGNA CARTA
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED
THEY FOUND JESUS IN
THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE
CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED20THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO
UNTO OTHERS BEFORE
THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE
BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND
MANAGED TO GET THE
TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12
DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSS UMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A
TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY
ACRIMONY WHICH IS
ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED
MONOTONY.
Ed
, my wife didn't like it much though.
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