This had me on the floor

[BobSch]

The language is a bit... er, scatological, but it's fall-on-the-floor funny.

What is the best way to get rid of four month's worth of disposable diapers?

http://b3ta.com/questions/darwin/post367250

[cabinetman]

Funny doesn't even come close to describing such a scientific procedure. I was thinkin' about the explanation to their homeowners insurance carrier how their roof caught fire. It's "over the top".
.

[radhak]

I might have to sue you

if i have a heart-attack in the next few hours...

whhooo... painfully hilarious....
dunno what's aching more, my cheek muscles or my gut, for trying to hold my laughter (i am at work, for godsake!!!) ...

[RAFlorida]

Oh man, I'm speachless!

And my side hurts too.

[crokett]

I empty a diaper pail about twice a week. I also take my trash to the dump every two weeks. I know the level of stink you get in just two weeks. I could not imagine 4 months. This is apparently the UK equivalent of 'Hey Y'all hold my beer and watch this!'.

[germdoc]

It was blocked by my work web filter:

'Based on your corporate access policies, access to this web site ( http://b3ta.com/questions/darwin/post367250 ) has been blocked because the web category "Tasteless & Offensive" is not allowed.'

Must be pretty juicy!

[radhak]

Just for you, Jeff:

Flaming balls of ****!
I have a mate. He's a bad influence. When he and I get together, we're positively chaotic. This episode tells of a time shortly after he was blessed with his first child. Sit back and enjoy.

So my mate lives on a fairly remote farm. Not served by regular trash pickup, he is quite canny with his rubbish. Once their little crotchfruit came along, however, he and the missus quickly (within three days) tired of terry-towelling nappies, and bought disposables. All was fine for four months. To deal with the disposables, he simply tossed them into a 55-gallon oil drum outside the house.

Well, the inevitable happened and one day, the drum was full. This happily coincided with a hot autumn day, a visit from yours truly, and less happily, after quite a lot of beer had been drunk. What to do, what to do?

Burying? Nope - not biodegradable. Can't take it to the tip, we're all too pissed. No more drums, so can't start another load. I know; let's burn it! It's, after all, a metal oil drum. That'll work great! Ah, but the drum is full - to the very brim - with sh*tty nappies.

So Dumb and Dumber dug out a drill and cut a hole about a foot from the bottom of the drum. We then dribbled, over the course of the next two hours, five (FIVE!) gallons of petrol into the top of the barrel.

Then - and we both thought we were SO very clever - we used some detonation cord, and ran it through the hole in the bottom of the drum to light the petrol from the base of the fire.

Now - picture this in slow motion - the following things happened. The det cord lit. The burning ACME-like spark travelled prettily along the cord. It vanished into the freshly cut hole in the drum. There was a rumbling sound. That was the oh-no-second. We turned around and began to run. Behind us there was a sort of squishBOOM sound as the tragically explosive mixture of petrol and festering, rancid nappies exploded.

So here's what happened next. It turns out that (who knew?) 55-gallon oil drums are stronger than nappies, especially when the top of the drum is missing. When you ignite a tightly packed drum full of nappies from the bottom, you have created a superb nappy cannon. As we found out. After the squishBOOM, there was a louder FLOOOOOOM sound. I looked over my shoulder to see a huge tongue of fire leaping out of the drum, and balls of fire above that.

The balls of fire turned out to be flaming, **** filled nappies - which flew about 300 feet into the air and then started raining down on the house, the cars, the tractor, us and everything else. We also found out that stamping on them to put them out isn't nice.

The smell was truly incredible. Some of those nappies had been festering throughout a British summer, at the bottom of the nappy cannon. The sound of the molotov shittails thumping down around us, along with the smell of roasting piss, **** and rotten nappy will stay with me forever.

The final crowning glory was when his wife came out of the farmhouse, looked around at the still-unfolding carnage, muttered "****ing ****" and went back inside - not knowing that at least 30 flaming balls of shite were setting fire to the roof above her head.

We eventually got the fires put out, with not too much damage to property, but I was banned for a LONG time.

[jking]

This is obviously made up. Anyone who's been a parent knows that after 4 months they would have had enough diapers to fill 4 or 5 of those 55 gallon drums.

[Mr__Bill]

That had me laughing so hard I think I stopped breathing for a while
... and then...

I realized that given the opportunity I would suggest doing that very thing to someone. It's a wonder that I am still alive after all these years.

Bill

[crokett]

This is obviously made up. Anyone who's been a parent knows that after 4 months they would have had enough diapers to fill 4 or 5 of those 55 gallon drums.

Hmm... let me think. I empty the diaper pail twice a week. Guesstimating the volume of the trash can I could get 2 weeks worth of diapers per layer, and the can can hold 6 layers, so you are probably right. I don't think I could fit 4 months worth into a single can.

[poolhound]

OMG what were they thinking and then writing it up and admitting to it!!

[os1kne]

That was funny! I wasn't previously aware of British rednecks, but apparently there are some. (It's got me thinking of an idea, like a potato gun - for a long range precision diaper-mortar. My son can provide the ammo.)

[shoottx]

What a hoot!

I laughed till I cried!

Kaboom

[chopnhack]

.........wow

[Uncle Cracker]

That's just... wrong...

What did they think would happen? Five gallons of gasoline in a confined space? That's just world-record stupid.